Hengle
Welcome! edit
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Welcome! edit
Hello, Hengle, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
I hope you enjoy editing here. If you haven't already done so, please check out the student training library, which introduces you to editing and Wikipedia's core principles. You may also want to check out the Teahouse, a community of Wikipedia editors dedicated to helping new users. Below are some resources to help you get started editing.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:03, 7 September 2017 (UTC)
Draft notes edit
Hi! I wanted to give you some feedback on your draft. Here are my notes:
- Avoid making statements like "The question that needs to be asked here is ‘why is there such a split between races?’." This is something that wouldn't be bad in an academic paper, however it doesn't really fit in a Wikipedia article, as it's a persuasive question that challenges the readers. A Wikipedia article doesn't really ask questions of the readers, it pretty much just summarizes facts and claims/observances that have been made by an authority in a reliable source. You can say that one person is making this question, however this doesn't really fit in this type of section since you're mostly just supposed to summarize basic information.
- You should not use whole quotes without attributing them to an author, even if their name is in the source material. If you're just quoting it for the claims, you should re-write it in your own words.
- The sourcing is good and overall the basic information is well done, however this needs some editing for flow since it does feel a bit like an essay at points. Here's an example of how something can be re-written:
- (Original) Inequality is shown fiscally and also educationally. There is colossal inequality when it comes to household income. “Hispanic household income is slightly higher, on average, than Black income, and average Asian income is higher than Anglo income.”
- (Rewrite) Inequality in immigrant households can be seen in the the occupants' education and level of income, the latter of which shows stark contrast depending on the family's race. According to N. Edward Coulson, Hispanic households typically have a higher income than Black households while Asians tend to have a higher income than Anglo-Americans.
- This isn't perfect, of course, but this kind of gives you an example of what I mean.
I hope that this helps! The basic bones and sourcing of this is good, it basically just needs some editing. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:36, 9 October 2017 (UTC)
Draft notes 2 edit
Hi! Your professor wanted me to give you some more feedback, however a look shows that I've already done this. :) I think that this is likely ready to be posted live now. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:20, 27 October 2017 (UTC)
- Also pinging Psmalcer1996 and Michael Heil . Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:21, 27 October 2017 (UTC)