Template:Did you know nominations/Hossam el-Hamalawy

The following discussion is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: rejected by — Crisco 1492 (talk) 11:15, 15 May 2012 (UTC)
Close paraphrasing

Hossam el-Hamalawy edit

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... that Revolutionary Socialists member Hossam el-Hamalawy (pictured) helped document the 2008 Egyptian general strike and 2011 Egyptian revolution by blogging and photographing while he demonstrated?

Comment: el-Hamalawy is well known socialist activist and has been a member of the workers movement in Egypt (which has the biggest number of workers in the MENA) for many years. I know it is almost a last minute nomination. The article expansion is almost 5x. -- The Egyptian Liberal (talk) 13:00, 29 April 2012 (UTC)

Created/expanded by The Egyptian Liberal (talk), Al Ameer son (talk), Marxwasright (talk). Nominated by The Egyptian Liberal (talk) at 13:00, 29 April 2012 (UTC)

Comment - There's certainly wiggle-room to move the images and hooks about but I'm not sure whether this article can get a thorough review in this short a time-scale. Panyd^{The muffin is not subtle} 18:48, 29 April 2012 (UTC)

Everything seems good to go. However, as it is a long article, it may be useful to repeat the hook and reference in the lead, which is too short. There are some misused italics around, but it's a minor detail, the clock is running, and it's not worth keeping the DYK out of the day just because of that Cambalachero (talk) 04:05, 30 April 2012 (UTC)

The phrasing of this article is too close to that of its sources. Compare for example "On the April 6 2008, thousands of policemen occupied the town of Mahalla and took control of many of the factories, thus preempting the strike. Demonstrations broke out in the town, however, including thousands of the urban poor, the young unemployed, and the workers who chanted against the regime, corruption, and price increases. The demonstrators were met with police tear gas, rubber bullets, and live ammunition, which left at least two men dead" with "On the April 6, thousands of police troops occupied the town of Mahalla, and security took control of the factory, thus preempting the strike. Spontaneous demonstrations broke out in the town, however, including thousands of the urban poor, the young employed, and workers chanting against the president, corruption, and price increases. The demonstrators were met with police tear gas, rubber bullets, and live ammunition, which left at least two young men, ages 15 and 20, dead". Nikkimaria (talk) 04:24, 1 May 2012 (UTC)
- Problem fixed. Anything else? :-) -- The Egyptian Liberal (talk) 08:19, 1 May 2012 (UTC)

As a general rule, when Nikkimaria uses plural, there are multiple instances of this problem, so there should be multiple fixes, not merely of the one example given. Did you check any other paragraphs against their sources for phrasing? (I made a tiny additional edit to the example paragraph.)

On a completely different subject, I've fixed a typo in the hook (bloging → blogging). BlueMoonset (talk) 15:49, 1 May 2012 (UTC)

Well, I checked. There is another example in the "Socialism" section but it's a quote so if Nikkimaria wants to challenge that, I am more than happy to take her on :P and I dont think she would. Other than that example, I couldnt find any. If I problem is solved I think there should be no problem posting it. PS: Thanks for fixing the typp. Cheers. -- The Egyptian Liberal (talk) 16:49, 1 May 2012 (UTC)

That paragraph is still rather close. Another example is "warned of an attempt to "topple the state," as government media said a plot had been uncovered" vs "warning of an attempt to "topple the state," as government media said a plot had been uncovered". Nikkimaria (talk) 17:50, 1 May 2012 (UTC)

There are keys words that I cant change "factories" "urban poor" "the young unemployed" "the workers" "tear gas" "rubber bullets" "live ammunition" so I understand why it seems rather close. 2nd problem fixed. -- The Egyptian Liberal (talk) 19:52, 1 May 2012 (UTC)

Sorry, but at this point I think this nom is probably not going to be fixable in a reasonable time-frame - every check comes up with more issues. Compare:

In February 2008, leftist organizers (like Kamal el-Fayoumi and others) in Ghazl el-Mahalla organized one of the biggest anti-Mubarak labor protest since he ascended to power in 1981, with ten thousand factory workers protested in the streets demanding a raise in the national minimum wage
In February 2008, leftist organizers in Ghazl el-Mahalla mobilized the biggest anti-Mubarak labor protest since he ascended to power in 1981, with ten thousand factory workers taking to the streets, joined by a similar number of the local citizens, demanding a raise in the national minimum wage
The demonstrators were met with police tear gas, rubber bullets, and live ammunition
The demonstrators were met with police tear gas, rubber bullets, and live ammunition
criticized the role of military police, holding the head of the military police responsible for torturing activists
criticising the role of military police, holding the head of the military police responsible for torturing activists

Etc. A comprehensive clean-up is needed here. Nikkimaria (talk) 03:10, 6 May 2012 (UTC)

All of the above issues have been addressed. The only instances of close paraphrasing were in the subsections dealing with the 2006 and 2008 strikes. I copyedited both sections so hopefully there's no more outstanding issues. We have been working on this article for many months and it would be a shame if it fails in its nomination. Can you give it one more run-down please? --Al Ameer son (talk) 22:45, 9 May 2012 (UTC)

Still no, sorry: compare for example "criticized the role of military police, holding the head of the military police responsible for torturing activists" with "criticising the role of military police, holding the head of the military police responsible for torturing activists". Nikkimaria (talk) 01:51, 10 May 2012 (UTC)