Template:Did you know nominations/Ex Unitate Vires

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Yoninah (talk) 17:26, 24 October 2016 (UTC)

Ex Unitate Vires edit

  • ... that King George VI, upon seeing segregation in South Africa and the national motto Ex Unitate Vires on his tablecloth, stated: "not much bloody Unitate about this place"?

Created by The C of E (talk). Self-nominated at 08:59, 14 September 2016 (UTC).

  • The article is new enough, long enough, within scope and well-referenced. While technically the hook is below the 200 character mark, I would consider shortening it. How about "...why did King George VI state "not much bloody Unitate about this place" upon seeing the "Ex Unitate Vires" motto? -- or something similar? Down from 185 to 127 characters. @The C of E: //Halibutt 09:32, 14 September 2016 (UTC)
  • ALT1 ... that George VI, asked to shake hands only with whites while visiting South Africa, noticed the motto Ex Unitate Vires on a tablecloth and said, "Not much bloody Unitate (unity) about this place!"? EEng 02:36, 19 September 2016 (UTC)
No, I don't think so. If you leave out the translation, it makes it hookier. The C of E God Save the Queen! (talk) 07:53, 19 September 2016 (UTC)
  • Well, why not just edit it out? But here, I'll do it for you:
ALT2 ... that George VI, asked to shake hands only with whites while visiting South Africa, noticed the motto Ex Unitate Vires on a tablecloth and said, "Not much bloody Unitate about this place!"?
EEng 07:58, 19 September 2016 (UTC)
Though looking at ALT2 again I'm a little worried some might misread it as saying "George VI asked to shake hands only with whites while visiting South Africa". -- ??? EEng 20:04, 20 September 2016 (UTC)
How about
  • ALT3 ... that while visiting segregated South Africa, George VI noticed the motto Ex Unitate Vires on a tablecloth and said, "Not much bloody Unitate about this place!"? Cwmhiraeth (talk) 05:29, 24 October 2016 (UTC)
That's way better than my ALT2, which I'm therefore striking. EEng 05:47, 24 October 2016 (UTC)
May I point out that this has been approved since 14 September. The rest of this is surplusage. The C of E God Save the Queen! (talk) 07:19, 24 October 2016 (UTC)
Indeed. I was considering promoting it to prep but knew I would be criticised if I substantially changed the hook on promotion, so I suggested the change here first. Cwmhiraeth (talk)
ALT3 is much better than ALT0. EEng 08:25, 24 October 2016 (UTC)