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A message for visitors: For performance reasons some of the more image-heavy exhibits have been moved to User:EEng/Museum Annex. The Annex is free and open to the public.

Candle.jpgJE SUIS
Hierarchy of editor subservience by nagualdesign

Your season tickets to The Museums are valid at WP:AE. Userbox by Ritchie333[6].

If only it were so...

From a discussion at AN:

"This episode, to my mind highlights a very big flaw in the functioning of wikipedia. Namely, that certain users who have an elevated status: 'admins' are able to act without impunity."

A tip for the historically ignorant
The President is merely the most important among a large number of public servants. He should be supported or opposed exactly to the degree which is warranted by his good conduct or bad conduct, his efficiency or inefficiency in rendering loyal, able, and disinterested service to the Nation as a whole. Therefore it is absolutely necessary that there should be full liberty to tell the truth about his acts, and this means that it is exactly necessary to blame him when he does wrong as to praise him when he does right. Any other attitude in an American citizen is both base and servile. To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. Nothing but the truth should be spoken about him or any one else. But it is even more important to tell the truth, pleasant or unpleasant, about him than about any one else.

Theodore Roosevelt (1918)

We thank Thee, O Lord, for another day without whining from someone who doesn't get the joke.
A Note to the Humor-Impaired
One should beware of those who cannot or will not laugh when others are merry, for if not mentally defective they are spiteful, selfish or abnormally conceited ... Great men of all nations and of all times have possessed a keen appreciation of the ridiculous, as wisdom and wit are closely allied.

Leander Hamilton McCormick, Characterology; an exact science embracing physiognomy, phrenology and pathognomy, reconstructed, amplified and amalgamated ... (1920)

Another Note to the Humor-Impaired
Dourness is repulsive both to the healthy and the sick.


D-W003 Warnung vor giftigen Stoffen ty nuvola.svg
This page is under destruction.
ZAP!No user-serviceable parts inside.
No not.pngThis user has opted out of revert notifications. You should, too!
Octagon-warning.svg This user has been blocked several times, and isn't embarrassed about it - (admire my block log here!).
ipaThe IPA pronunciation of this username is apparently /ˈŋ/
An ANI Limerick
Wikipedia's not for the meek.
You need a de-stress technique.
Sip tea with biscotti,
go fish – try karate.
But edit war? Blocked for a week!

Levivich (adapted)

This editor is a cheque-user.

Resources offered:

  • I will be happy to supply, for use in developing articles, materials cataloged here (digital materials are easy, scans of hardcopies may take some time).

Because some have asked...

  • The material on this page is meant to increase other editors' pleasure in contributing (by providing modest amusement they can enjoy during breaks from editing) or to assist them in becoming more effective editors (by illustrating various aspects of Wikipedia as a social environment e.g. [7])
  • In humor based on political events, Democratic figures are featured as well as Republican (e.g. [8]) though unfortunately the former opportunities don't arise very often, because e.g. Clinton and Obama just aren't as amusing as the Republican nominee. Note: This wing of the Museums temporarily closed pending approval by the castigatores of such material as is conducive to the regimen morum.
WikiProject Department of Fun (Rated NA-class, Bottom-importance)
This page is supported by the Department of Fun WikiProject, which aims to provide Wikipedians with fun so that they stay on Wikipedia and keep on improving articles. If you have any ideas, do not hesitate to post them to the discussion page or access our home page to join the Department of Fun.
 NA  This page does not require a rating on the quality scale.
 Bottom  This page has been rated as Bottom-importance on the importance scale.
For more information about Bottom-importance, see also the top of User talk:EEng. The top, not the bottom.

Museum of Distorted Quotations Taken Out Of ContextEdit

EEng [is] a general force for good.


"Editors such as EEng are very constructive."


A reminder to visitors
EEng is correct. There are not many exceptions to this nearly universal rule.


EEng, per usual, is correct.


                       Where Angels Fear to Tread                       
No one dare criticize EEng.


                       So there!                       
EEng (despite his block log, which is not as bad as it looks at first glance if you understand it) ...

Doug Weller[14]

A wise, compassionate, magical authority (both temporal and spiritual); mysterious and benevolent guide... guardian and saviour... despite his gentle and loving nature, he is powerful and can be dangerous....

Primergrey (via C.S. Lewis)[15]

My personal opinion of your value to the project had been "on the fence", but I'm back on two feet.

FlightTime[16], see also [17]

We have a lot of mental health problems.

—Donald Trump[18]

EEng, for those playing at home, is unique in Wikipedia.

Randy Kryn[19]

Wise and mature


Experienced and respected


One of Wikipedia's less friendly and more volatile users ... an incurably rude and disruptive personality whose idea of good manners is most definitely not within the mainstream.


A Holden Caufield-esque cynical iconoclast


I tend to agree with EEng.


Monumental dick … Yes, it can be hard.


You play the role of Wiki-jester quite well ... good for the sanity of the community.


In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king
EEng is a wise voice – listening to what he says is generally a very good plan.


EEng is well known for his good humour.-Legacypac[2]
It's always nice to be not totally unappreciated
You have transformed shooting off your mouth into a not totally unappreciated artform


EEng who, and I'm fairly confident that he would agree with me on this, seems pretty much flameproof, and who is quite capable of breathing hilarious-but-scorching flame himself when the need arises.

Girth Summit[30]

What the Critics Are SayingEdit

"EEng's talk page"[3]
Editor's note: Though easily mis­taken for a roll of toilet paper, the above is in fact an ancient and pre­cious parch­ment bearing great wisdom.[citation needed]
Your user page is truly epic


One Man's Trash is Another Man's Treasure
One of the treasures of Wikipedia

Randy Kryn[32]

The greatest talk page on Wikipedia


"Less boring"


"Fun but dangerous!"


Wikipedia Must Be The Saddest Place on Earth
I have had EEng's talk and userpage on my Watchlist for two months because they are the most fun places on Wikipedia.


Wikipedia's Bearability Hangs by a Thread
I'm not a professor of neuroscience (but apparently I play one on Wikipedia)
EEng is a funny guy. If it weren't for the odd joker like him, WP would be utterly unbearable.... He's a professor of neuroscience at Harvard and pretty much singlehandedly wrote one of the best articles on the 'pedia (Phineas Gage)

"krakenawakes" at WikiInAction

I think a lot of folks from the @Wikimedia & @Wikipedia communities think this is funny but the editor working on Phineas Gage has severe mental health issues.

"Erika Herzog" (and see [37])

Some masterful baiting... by Wikipedia's many master baiters.


A puerile jokester ...


I prefer having a good-natured jokester around instead of a joyless and dried-up everyman.


... like going to a good museum ... humorous but intelligent ... interesting, entertaining, and educational

Randy Kryn[38]

Highly appreciated, and extraordinarily valuable.


His userpage is possibly unique in that it pisses you off, makes you laugh, and shocked, sometimes all at once


  The Barnstar of Good Humor
I haven't checked out your userpage in a long while, but I laughed so hard (I particularly liked the "head in the sand" picture) I nearly snorted coffee out of my nose. PS: I would like to apologise for being tempted to go to the dark side.... Ritchie333 (talk) (cont) 12:30, 20 March 2015 (UTC)

  The Rather Unusual User Page Award
Not sure what my definition of a "rather usual" userpage would be, but it wouldn't be that.[41]

"This is a very long page."[42]

  The Barnstar of Good Humor
For your medicine against chronic wikidespair.
Consult your doctor before trying this medicine. Symptoms include: a systemic allergic reaction, a worsening
of withdrawal symptoms for not placing {{ANI-notice}} in months, and casting the first stone.

"childish and irresponsible"[44]

No barnstar is better than this barnstar, believe me!

  The Donald Trump Barnstar
Your userpage is hilarious. MB298 (talk) 00:17, 30 October 2016 (UTC)
  The Barnstar of Good Humor
Your new gallery made me laugh even harder than the admittedly rambunctious Trump Museums. Astonishing, flabbergasting, yyuuuge!!! — JFG talk 20:14, 20 December 2016 (UTC)

Ultra-Cool User Page... After looking again at this work of art ....... I'm speechless. What a man! And might the gentleman's first name be Albert? EE=ng2

I'm ashamed to say

An untidy user page may signify an untidy mind and careless work.


A Note to Readers
We have concluded to publish this work, though it falls short of what it ought to be, and would have been, if circumstances had permitted us to devote more time to its completion. We are well aware of its imperfections and defects. But, with all its faults, we flatter ourselves the it contains much interesting and hitherto unpublished information ...
Our object has been to condense this matter within the smallest space, well knowing that, in this age of instantaneous electric communication, very few have the patience to read large volumes.
We have followed no particular author, servilely, but formed our own conclusions by comparing the opinions of the different authors, more than one hundred in number ... We may have fallen in to some mistakes regarding dates of events, or names of persons or parties, but such errors are hardly avoidable in a work of such wide scope.

— Hugh Quigley, The Irish race in California and on the Pacific Coast: with an introductory historical dissertation on the principal races of mankind, and a vocabulary of ancient and modern Irish family names (1878)

A strange cross between the drill [sergeant] and Private Joker in Full Metal Jacket.

Mrs. Pace Owl

In offering a work to the public, it is customary to preface it with a few remarks, which are generally considered in the light of an apology by the public... but, as we have done nothing of which we are ashamed, we have nothing to apologize for.

Great Trans-Continental Railway Guide (Crofutt & Eaton, 1870)

Everyone knows the risk they take by visiting your talk page.


EEng's humor can be like drinking gin. The first time, you may say, "Ugh! Horrid! Disgusting!" After a few more times, you may say, "Ugh! Revolting! Disgusting!"


User essays worth readingEdit


Ode to ANIEdit

One fine day in the middle of the night, / Two dead boys got up to fight,
Back to back they faced each other, / Drew their swords and shot each other,
One was blind and the other couldn’t, see / So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play, / A dumb man went to shout “hooray!”
A paralysed donkey passing by, / Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall, / Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,
A deaf policeman heard the noise, / And came to arrest the two dead boys,
If you don’t believe this story’s true, / Ask the blind man he saw it too!

Some Entertaining DiversionsEdit

See also this burst of creativity.

Welcome, new editors!Edit

Draw near, new editor, that you may learn from these WP policies conveniently arrayed about me!
A newbie (brown) offers his stub to a New Page Patroller (green). If it fails to satisfy her she'll bite his head off.
Now manning the help desk

You have been warned: typical humor on this page
How To Avoid Pricks

When you land in a place that is prickly at best,
And feathers get ruffled – you've disturbed someone's nest;
Be cautious when offering friendly advice,
Lest you suddenly find your two orbs in a vise.
Lessons are learned, but to do so takes practice,

To avoid getting pricked when you land on a cactus.

  Atsme📞📧 (reflecting on [45])


Devised by Ian.thomson

Below you will find a randomly generated Wikipedia bingo card, and a key explaining the behaviors behind each entry. While handling one or more users, mark off which behaviors are displayed. If you get five in a row horizontally, diagonally (from corner to corner), or vertically, you've won! During a talk-page discussion you can use the {{Bingo-win}} template to announce you've won.

Refresh card as often as desired:


Widow's Son[1]



Word of God[4]


I'm an alien[6]







Free space[13]

Intelligent design[14]



Wikipedia is

not America[17]


Made of wood[19]



Nutty professor[22]





  1. ^ User accuses you of being a Freemason (but not necessarily an Illuminatus)
  2. ^ User advocates "natural" or "miracle" cures with little to no basis in science
  3. ^ User posts copyrighted material
  4. ^ User cites God as their source
  5. ^ User directly or indirectly appeals to Jimbo Wales
  6. ^ User is an alien or alien abductee
  7. ^ User begs you to not delete their article
  8. ^ a b Username implies a corporate or organization account (WMF excluded)
  9. ^ User makes a legal threat
  10. ^ User edits an article or talk page that is about them
  11. ^ Unblocked user claims they are currently blocked
  12. ^ User makes a personal attack
  13. ^ As befits the Free Encyclopedia
  14. ^ User claims Wikipedia is biased towards "evolutionism"
  15. ^ User argues that existence justifies having an article
  16. ^ User claims to be the reincarnation of an important historical figure
  17. ^ User attempts to exclude "foreign" content or editors
  18. ^ User repeats argument that was addressed by a FAQ, essay, guideline, or policy they claim to have read
  19. ^ User accuses you of being a witch/warlock/pagan
  20. ^ User claims that they have a right to free speech as if that's relevant on this site
  21. ^ User is a sockpuppet
  22. ^ User claims to be a college professor
  23. ^ User edit wars
  24. ^ User demonstrates the Dunning–Kruger effect

A Little HistoryEdit

First they came for the userboxes...
The ANI pileon juggernaut rolls on, heedless
Keep smiling, or this could be you!
Block! Unblock! Block! Unblock! Rabbit Season! Duck Season! FIRE!!!
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
When users do something that administrators don't like, but when the users not only disagree but have the temerity to object to the sanctions levied against them by administrators, is this an unacceptable dissent against the powers-that-be that must, always, be quashed by any means necessary?
I'm probably hyperbolizing here, but I think this is how the issue appears to the EEng's of the world. And some, at least, of the EEng's of the world are here to help build the encyclopedia. We say "The free encyclopedia that anyone can edit", not "The benevolent dictatorship encyclopedia that docile and compliant rule-followers can edit as long as they remember their place and are always properly respectful towards ADMINISTRATORS." So, please, if that's not the message you want to send, just let these userboxes go. And if you want to boot a user off the project for not being here to help build the encyclopedia, please do it for a more substantive reason than that the user refuses to say "Uncle" when confronted by admins.
Steve Summit (talk) 19:46, 6 February 2015 (UTC) [46]
An admin upholds one of the five pillars without throwing his weight around.
And finally, to each admin who says, "Well, I wouldn't have blocked, but I don't feel like overturning it": what you're condoning is a situation in which every editor is at the mercy of the least restrained, most trigger-happy admin who happens to stumble into any given situation. Don't you see how corrosive that is? It's like all these recent US police shootings: no matter how blatantly revolting an officer's actions were, the monolithic reply is "It was by the book. Case closed." This [admin] was way out of line from the beginning in deleting multiple editors' posts (as someone suggested, hatting would have made complete sense, and troubled me not at all) and when called on it above, he gives a middle-finger-raised LOL. No wonder so many see haughty arrogance in much of the admin corps around here.
—EEng 05:38, 16 January 2015 (UTC) [47]

And let me be clear: I have no problem with 97% of admins, who do noble work in return for (generally) either no recognition or shitloads of grief, only occasionally punctuated by thanks. But the other 3%‍—‌whoa, boy, watch out!

—EEng 20:02, 6 February 2015 (UTC) [48]

First annual caption contestEdit

Click here and contribute your own.

  • "Shit! I left the tub running!" EEng 05:09, 28 April 2017 (UTC)

EEng's half-serious list of topics on which WP should just drop all coverage as not worth the dramaEdit

  • Footy players
  • Beauty pageants
  • Music genres
  • Pornstars
  • Anything related to Ru Paul
  • Video games
  • Japanese comics and animation
  • Snooker
  • Cricket
  • Catalan separatism

Dopey words that should never appear in articlesEdit

  • Hail, as in All the victims appeared to hail from the lower class of society or Music historian Bob Gulla hailed it as an "iconoclastic funk-rock" record. God, that sounds stupid.
  • Accolades, as in List of accolades received by The Avengers (2012 film).
  • Garner, as in garnered worldwide recognition for her portrayal. (The same article goes on to make us vomit by saying a bunch of people were awarded the Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series accolade.)
  • Berth (except on ships), as in garnered a playoff berth.

Violators will be subject to initial 24-hour blocks, with escalating blocks for subsequent infractions.


When I figure out which of those little shits has the peashooter, there's gonna be hell to pay

Carp per diemEdit

Newcomers' guide to AN/I
 – SemiHypercube
Another day of editing.
Discussion proceeds
His favorite color was maroon
Dispute resolution process...
... or if you prefer, try ANI.
Arbcom, step by step
ArbCom, the final phase.
Required orientation for new arbs: "This could happen to you."
At Wikimedia SF
Retiring Arbcom member passes the torch
We appreciate your work on category cleanup
"When technically minded folk with a penchant for order, consistency, and control get caught up in the zeal of a systematization crusade, un­pleas­ant­ness can result." – A Fellow Editor
After six months as an oversighter
Draft namespace
Stare not too long, young one... for he who fights with admins should look to it that he himself does not become an admin. And if you gaze long into ANI, ANI also gazes into you.

Some poetry from Atsme:

"Don't croak, SMILE!"

A satirist I'm not,
A satirist I'd like to be;
I seem to have forgot,
What in hell prevented me.
It might have been my style,
It might have been my prose;
But I'd like to make you smile,
And even happy, I suppose,
For teaching me to jump,
From the bottom to the top,
Of a page with so much clump,
We're all worried it might pop!
Atsme📞📧 20:07, 15 May 2017 (UTC)

Phineas Gage: The later years
If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't have wasted my life editing Wikipedia. I would have wasted my life doing something else.
Some scientists claim that hydro­gen, because it is so plen­ti­ful, is the basic building block of the uni­verse. I dispute that. I say there are more AWB edits tinkering with whitespace and categories and wiki­proj­ect import­ance ratings than hydro­gen, and that is the basic build­ing block of the uni­verse.Frank Zappa
Sisyphus, the patron saint of New Page Patrollers.
New Page Patrol official anagram
New page patrol
After a few weeks "helping out" at DYK
DYK reviews underway. Original title: A group of mentally ill patients sitting around and staring.
DYK drove him to it.
"I'd rather cut off all my toes with a pair of scissors than spend one minute at ANI." Testimonial from an actual customer
There is currently a discussion at ANI...
WP:ERRORS. Original title: A group of mentally ill patients dashing about a burning room
This editor is a mem­ber of Wiki­proj­ect Dis­em­bod­ied Hands
Did you know Rover had a girlfriend?
DYK nominations in the pipeline
Flow is being revived...
... Ha! Ha! Just kidding!
... And Visual Editor is now required! ...
When good faith is exhausted
"Deletion" discussion underway at the Ancient Greek Wikipedia
Checkusers working an SPI. Horns give direct links to Arbcom, Jimbo
Edit (A) triggers watchlist item (B), causing undo (C) and revert notification (D), leading admin (E) to fly off the handle, tilting talkpage balance of power (F), causing diffs to be dumped on ANI (H). ANI thread (I) opens Pandora's Box (J), leading to fireworks (K) at Arbcom. Boomerang (L) gives editor WP:ROPE (M), ending in 12-hour block and smack with trout-infused napkin.[1]
Some random Ned Kelly wannabe stole your Cow joke and added it to his herd for his personal gain. Watchagonadoboutit?
April Fools at WP: Fucking hilarious


Revert me and I will CURRRSE you!
What they secretly long for
What editors are traditionally offered at ANI
Sensory distortion after a day at ANI
Ahem. You got consensus for that edit?
WP:COI editor risks topic ban – WP:RIGHTGREATWRONGS, WP:IDHT, WP:OR, etc. etc.
Luckily the pajamas are flame-retardant.
Uh-oh. The baby's radioactive.
Editors maintain citation templates
RfA reform again? You don't say!
Just another day at ANI
Before ANI: "Are you hot and sticky, mentally fagged?"
During ANI
It's ANI whether you like it or not!
Oops! Boomerang!
Checkuser sees all!

                                                       After ANI

Untangling template syntax
On the alert for hyphen/endash confusion
<- - - - - Travails of the copyeditor - - - - ->
Articles for Deletion
Arbcom: Conception
Arbitration enforcement
Arbcom: Reality
I'll show you! I'm taking it to Arbcom!
Emergency relief program for editors
Arbcom deliberates

Editors eagerly prepare statements for Arbcom
Block appeal tableau
Tell me again‍—‌we're using Visual Editor why?
Model: Wikipedia editor "A Man Inverts"
Awaiting DYK review
Normal editing resumes

Wikipedia (vision, 2001)
Congratulations! Your DYK has been approved!
They with the fancy user signatures
Wikipedia (reality, 2015)
BLP-sniffing dog at work
Hanging out at WP:CFD
RfA in progress
Template editor
This sock was in one edit war too many
Goddam offline sources!
Editor about to put head up ass
"There are a few issues with your GA submission"
Tempted into meatpuppetry
We get it – your FA passed. Can you take it down a notch?
Fighting vandals

One cat who'd like less feedback, if you don't mind!
If you want to take on metric vs. Imperial in articles, that's your business. I've got a more pleasant appointment to keep.
What some editors think good writing should feel like to the reader: "It was tedious to write, it should be tedious to read."
Reverted good faith edits by....
FA Review (original title: "Monkeys as Judges of Art")
People who forget that guidelines are to be applied with common sense
Sock and master caught together in rare photo
Well, I'm nominating for AfD – your move!
You're getting the hang of this DYK thing!
ANI on a quiet night
Capitalization wars – see [4]
Arbitrator resigns: "The people in these cases – meshugana!"
I'll never understand fixing cut-and-paste moves
Actual fix-cut-and-paste-move diagram
Even though I'm an Arbcom member, I'm just commenting here as an average, everyday editor.
Simplified guide to categories
Checkuser X-ray specs
Ha - ha! Blocked!
These socks are a confirmed match.
Admins maintain order while editors wrestle the wheel in random directions
"Let's edit Wikipedia", you said. "It'll be fun", you said. Don't look now, but here come our mentors.
...makes the heart grow...
The next three images gratefully stolen from Catherine de Burgh
Jimbo in a private moment
Meats at the ready!
Strong oppose
Strong oppose   Strong oppose
Strong oppose   Strong oppose
I shot the Sheriff
Wistfully recalling life before Wikipedia
Eau no!
I'm turning your talk page access off
WP:PERENNIAL proposals

First patty
Second patty
Third patty
Wikipedia-related caption invited
The dashing young Ned Kelly wannabe has challenged you to a round of back alley fisticuffs. Unsurprisingly, you never stood a chance. The Australian collected his prize money and stole one of your funny pictures before running off into the outback.
Frantic orthodoxy is never rooted in faith but in doubt. It is when we are not sure that we are doubly sure.

Reinhold Niebuhr

A video clip for use at ANI someday.

Desirable and undesirable kinds of editors:

Acute (desirable)
Obtuse (undesirable)
Women in Red: Highlighting insufficiently covered women
From top: Jimbo; Arbcom; Oversighters; Admins; The Autoconfirmed; IPs

Wikipedia is not about whiningEdit

Wikipedia is not about whining. Complaining about editor behavior is appropriate – at a relevant noticeboard when that behavior is contrary to Wikipedia policies and guidelines and harms the project. But editors should not complain just for the sake of complaining, nor as therapy or catharsis, but to get help in guiding an errant editor back on track with the project's fundamental principles.

If you find yourself complaining more than contributing, it might be time for a short wikibreak to clear your mind, rethink your approach, and help you come back ready to resume building the encyclopedia.

Incidentally, Wikipedia is also not about wining. A glass of Lambrusco is not a reliable source, too much original research in this area may lead to habitually editing under the influence, and indefinite bocks could lead to an indefinite block. That doesn't mean, however, that the occasional pint can't help reduce wikistress, as long as editors don't become a wikiholic. This can lead to serious problems including wikihomelessness, which is of course the opposite of being a Wikipedian in residence.

Principle of Some AstonishmentEdit

Can we get you on Mastermind, Sybil? "Next contestant, Sybil Fawlty from Torquay; specialist subject: the bleedin' obvious! " Basil Fawlty
A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts.

— Strunk, The Elements of Style (1918)

In composing, as a general rule, run your pen through every other word you have written; you have no idea what vigour it will give your style.

Sydney Smith

Most first drafts can be cut by 50% without losing any information ... Look for clutter in your writing and prune it ruthlessly. Be grateful for everything you can throw away ... Writing improves in direct ratio to the number of things we can keep out of it that shouldn't be there.

William Zinsser, On Writing Well

Perfection is finally attained not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.

— Saint-Exupéry, Wind, Sand and Stars (tr. Lewis Galantière)

Some writers tend to overuse quotations.

Somebody or other

Portions of this page are best viewed in desktop mode. Mobile readers, click here.

Sometimes editors clutter their prose with pedestrian details that the reader likely already knows or would naturally assume. Rather than informing readers, this wastes their time and saps their attention. The following are examples of articles belaboring the routine and obvious, at times painfully:

You mean the game pieces can be stored for later use? I'm astonished!
In the article Pick-up sticks:
Each piece in the game also has a point value, with more challenging pieces being worth more. At the end of play, points are tallied up and the pieces can be thrown again or stored in a container for another use.
Comment: Of course the points are tallied up at the end of play. Of course we can either play again or put the game away "in a container". (If the rules said to ignore the score sheet at the end, then called for players to burn the game pieces or use them to commit ritual suicide, THAT would be worth mentioning in the article.)

In the article Notre-Dame de Paris fire
Some lead joints in stained glass windows melted in the heat of the fire.
Comment: DUH.

In the lead of Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum theft:
Once inside, the pair revealed their true intentions, tied up the guards, and spent over an hour stealing art from the museum's collection, which they loaded into their vehicle.
Comment: The guards probably sensed their visitors' "true intentions" around the time they got tied up, and our readers will make the same inference vicariously. Furthermore, in this modern age most readers will envision art thieves as having a vehicle at the ready. (Had they absconded via public transport, or summoned an Uber, THAT would be worth mentioning in the article.)

In the article San Francisco Zoo tiger attacks:
They created a distraction which caused the tiger to turn towards the officers, who shot and killed it. After the shooting, officials removed Tatiana's head, paws, tail and gastric contents for examination.
Comment: Removing the tiger's head before shooting it, assuming you could somehow manage that, would no doubt have rendered the shooting superfluous.

In the article US Airways Flight 1549:
The weather recorded at 2:51 p.m. was 10 miles visibility with broken clouds at 3,700 feet, wind 8 knots from 290°, temperature -6° C.
Comment: Of course it was recorded, otherwise how would we know it?
Sullenberger asked if they could attempt an emergency landing in New Jersey, mentioning Teterboro Airport ... air traffic controllers quickly contacted Teterboro and gained permission for a landing on Runway 1.
Comment: The word quickly is superfluous, because our readers' innate cunning will inform them that controllers generally act with dispatch in such situations. (Had they instead been lackadaisical, THAT would be worth mentioning in the article.)
However, Sullenberger told controllers that "We can't do it," and "We're gonna be in the Hudson," signaling his intention to bring the plane down on the Hudson River because he was too low to glide to any airport.
Comment: The part from "signalling his intention ..." on is probably unnecessary, because our readers aren't mentally defective. They will conclude without being told that when Sullenberger said "We can't do it ... We're gonna be in the Hudson", he's hinting that (a) he's going to land on the Hudson and (b) he's taking this unconventional step because more orthodox landing sites are out of reach. (Had he instead done it because he wanted a bath, THAT would be worth mentioning in the article.)
Immediately after the A320 had been ditched, Sullenberger opened the cockpit door and gave the "evacuate" order.
Comment: The immediately bit seems unnecessary. (Had the captain made a cup of tea before ordering "Evacuate!", THAT would be worth mentioning in the article.)
The first fire chief on scene transmitted a "10-60" to confirm a major emergency.
Comment: If the fire chief, seeing people crowded onto the wings of a sinking airliner, had radioed, "False alarm – no big deal", THAT would be worth mentioning in the article.

In the article University of Texas Tower Shooting:
He then drove to a hardware store, where he purchased a Universal M1 carbine, two additional ammunition magazines and eight boxes of ammunition, telling the cashier he planned to hunt wild hogs. At a gun shop he purchased four further carbine magazines, six additional boxes of ammunition, and a can of gun cleaning solvent. He then drove to Sears, where he purchased a Sears Model 60 12 gauge semi-automatic shotgun before returning home with his purchases.
Comment: If he'd bought all that stuff and then left it at the store, THAT would be worth mentioning in the article.

In the article Charles Whitman:
Whitman was reportedly the youngest person in the world ever to become an Eagle Scout at that time.
Comment: Are people becoming Eagle Scouts elsewhere than "in the world"? Perhaps on Mars?

In the article Club of Rome:
The Club of Rome raised considerable public attention with its report Limits to Growth, which has sold 30 million copies in more than 30 translations, making it the best-selling environmental book in world history.
Comment: I think you see where I'm going with this.

In some proposed text for the article Apollo 11:
On July 23, the last night before splashdown on Earth, the three astronauts made a television broadcast
Comment: Ditto.

In the article Saving Private Ryan:
In Washington, D.C, General George Marshall is informed that three of the four Ryan brothers have been killed within the last week, and that their mother is about to be notified of their deaths.
Comment: Lest readers imagine they were notifying her that she'd won the Pillsbury Bake-Off.

Caution: May contain babies.
Caution: May contain oranges.
In the article Citrus juice:
The most commonly consumed type of citrus juice is orange juice, which as the name implies, is extracted from oranges.
Comment: But then baby powder isn't extracted from babies, I suppose.

In the article Stone's representation theorem for Boolean algebras:
The theorem was first proved by Marshall H. Stone (1936), and thus named in his honor.
Comment: And here I thought it was proved by Marshall H. Stone but named for some other Stone.

In the article Murder of Jo Cox:
Murder of Jo Cox
LocationMarket Street, Birstall, West Yorkshire, England
Date16 June 2016
Attack type
Shooting, stabbing
WeaponsFirearm, knife
PerpetratorThomas Mair
He witnessed the assailant stab Cox, who fell to the ground, before shooting her and stabbing her again shoot her, then stab her again. The attacker left the scene, but was pursued by an eyewitness who followed him and telephoned police to describe his location identified him to police. Armed police officers attended the incident, and arrested a suspect.
Comment: There's a lot to say about this one.
  • who fell to the ground: Persons stabbed and shot, then stabbed again, usually go down. (Extra points for the ambiguous suggestion that the witness shot and stabbed the victim.)
  • left the scene: If the shooter/stabber had stuck around, THAT would be worth mentioning in the article.
  • was pursued by an eyewitness who followed him: That's what pursuers do.
  • telephoned police to describe his location: Usually people calling for help give the location.
  • Armed police officers attended the incident: Even in law-abiding, Queensberry-Rules, you-got-me-copper-fair-and-square England, readers will imagine that amongst officers dispatched to the shooting/stabbing of a Member of Parliament, at least some will be armed with more than their charming accents and unfailing courtesy.
  • and arrested a suspect: That's what happens when an eyewitness points out the gunman. Had police let him off with just a stern talking-to, THAT would be worth mentioning in the article.
As for the infobox, unless told otherwise readers will assume that a shooting/stabbing will have involved a gun and a knife.

In the article Death of Elisa Lam:
On the morning of February 19, an employee went to the roof, where four 1,000-gallon water tanks provided water pumped from the city's supply, to the guest rooms, a kitchen, and a coffee shop downstairs. In one of them, he found Lam's body, floating face up a foot below the water surface. Police responded.
Comment: [Left as an exercise for the reader]

New York City
City of New York
Multiple choice: In what article does the infobox at right appear?
(A) New York State
(B) New York County
(C) New York CITY <== hint
(D) New York University

In the article Rodney Alcala
Her murder would remain unsolved until it was connected to Alcala in 2011.
Comment: Murders usually remain unsolved until they're solved.

In the article Glenn Miller:
On December 15, 1944, Miller was to fly from the United Kingdom to Paris, France, to make arrangements to move his band there.
Comment: Oh, THAT Paris!

In the article Ted Bundy:
He broke through the ceiling into the apartment of the chief jailer—who was out for the evening with his wife—changed into street clothes from the jailer's closet, and walked out the front door to freedom.
Comment: While it's nice to know a busy chief jailer still has time for his spouse, absent mention of a confrontation the reader's common sense will tell him that no one was home. (Had Mrs. Turnkey helped Bundy pick out a tie, or had Bundy walked out the door then gone back to the jail to turn himself in, THAT would be worth mentioning in the article.)

In the article Seth Black (serial killer):
At the request of Scottish detectives, the Metropolitan Police conducted a search of searched Black's Stamford Hill lodgings to determine whether any incriminating evidence existed at Black's address.
Comment: Yes, well, that's usually what they're trying to determine. (And click the link for a surprise.)

In the article Eric Muenter:
Morgan lunged at his attacker and tackled Muenter to the ground as he fired two rounds into Morgan's groin and thigh. Morgan's butler finished subduing Muenter, beating him senseless with a lump of coal. Morgan quickly summoned a doctor and recovered, returning to work on August 14.
Comment: If financier J.P. Morgan got shot in the groin and didn't summon a doctor, or summoned him other than "quickly", THAT would be worth mentioning in the article. (Kudos to the butler for his skill with the coal.)

In the article Irish Boundary Commission:
The Irish Boundary Commission was a commission which met in 1924–25 to decide on the precise delineation of the border between the Irish Free State and Northern Ireland.
Comment: So ... the commission was a commission?

In the article Donald Trump:
He signed tax cut legislation which cut tax rates for individuals and businesses.
Comment: A sax player who plays saxes, a fax machine that sends faxes, a tax cut that cuts taxes. (Just whose taxes is another question.)

In the article Society for the History of Alchemy and Chemistry:
The Society for the History of Alchemy and Chemistry is a society devoted to the history of alchemy and chemistry. The Society was founded as the Society for the Study of Alchemy and Early Chemistry in 1935.
Comment: Surprise!

In the article Hardcore Henry:
After she replaces a missing arm and leg with hi-tech cybernetic prostheses, mercenaries led by the psychokinetic Akan raid the ship.
Comment: Are there low-tech cybernetic prostheses?

In the article Bunk bed:
The bunk or bunks above the lowest one may have rails to keep the user from rolling out and falling to the floor while sleeping.
Comment: For those innocent of the workings of gravity.

In the article 1257 Samalas eruption
Very large volcanic eruptions can cause destruction close to the volcano ...
Comment: For those innocent of the workings of volcanoes. (This is the least of what's wrong with this passage. Follow the link – if you dare!)

In the article Truth or Consequences, New Mexico:
Hot Springs officially changed its name on March 31, 1950, and the program was broadcast from there the following evening, April 1
Comment: For those innocent of the workings of the calendar.

In the article Battle of Tali-Ihantala:
On June 28, air activity was high on both sides as Finnish bombers and German Stukas pounded the Soviet formations. The Soviet Air Force also attacked from the air and hit the staff of the Finnish Armored Division hard with bombers from the Soviet 276th Bomber Division. and the Soviet 276th Bomber Division hit the Finnish troops hard.
Comment: These bombers attacked from the air, you say?

On the dabpage Horváth

The surname "Horvat", without the "h" still exists and is the most common surname in Croatia or the Croatian diaspora.

Comment: No comment.

In the article Chloe:
Chloe (also Chloë, Chloé) is a feminine name for girls.
Comment: There really should be more feminine names for boys and masculine names for girls.

In the article Henry Riggs Rathbone:
Rathbone successfully graduated from Phillips Academy in 1888, from Yale University in 1892, and from the Law Department at the University of Wisconsin in 1894.
Comment: Graduations are usually successful (except of course a graduation from Yale, which by definition is the first in a lifelong string of degradations).

In the article Stokes Croft:
Stokes Croft is the name of a road in Bristol, England.
Comment: An earlier version read Stokes Croft is what the name of a road in Bristol, England is called.

In the article Distomo
The aluminum producing company Aluminium of Greece has its production facilities in the coastal village Agios Nikolaos.
Comment: Ha! Obviously these people don't know the difference between aluminum and aluminium.

In the article Caribou, Maine
The Caribou Public Library is a Carnegie library. Designed in the Romanesque Revival style by local architect Schuyler C. Page, it was built in 1911-1912 with a $10,000 grant from industrialist Andrew Carnegie.
Comment: Is there a Carnegie library that Andrew Carnegie did not finance? Or was there some other heretofore unknown Carnegie financing American libraries with whom he might be confused?

In the article Alice Herz-Sommer
She lived for 40 years in Israel, before migrating to London in 1986, where she resided until her death, and at the age of 110 was the world's oldest known Holocaust survivor until Yisrael Kristal was recognized as such. Kristal was also a Holocaust survivor, and was born two months before Herz-Sommer.
Comment: For readers with short-term memory deficits.

In the article Soyuz-FG
... resulted in the destruction of the rocket. The crew, NASA astronaut Nick Hague and Russian cosmonaut Aleksey Ovchinin, escaped safely and successfully.
Comment: Whatever that means.

In the article Trinity Cathedral, Saint Petersburg
About four hours after the blaze broke out, one of the three remaining cupolas had been damaged but the fire was contained. A department spokesman later confirmed that the fire had been extinguished.
Comment: Lest the reader imagine it burns to this day.

In the article M25 motorway
By 1993 the motorway, which was designed for a maximum of 88,000 vehicles per day, was carrying 200,000 vehicles per day.
Comment: Now if they'd put the Tour de France on the M25 and you could see 200,000 bicycles, that would be worth watching.

In the article Amazing Grace (2018 film)
Aretha Franklin as herself
Comment: all participants in this documentary were marked as playing themselves. If they happened to be impersonating someone else that day, or if someone else had been impersonating them, that would be worth noting.

In the article Adele Spitzeder
Officially founded shortly afterwards in 1869, the "Spitzedersche Privatbank" (English: Spitzeder Private Bank) quickly grew from an insider tip to a large company.
Thank you. I was completely at sea.

In the article Assassination of John F. Kennedy
President Kennedy's blood-stained jacket, shirt and tie worn during the assassination are stored in the National Archives facility in College Park, Maryland.
So not from that time he cut himself shaving.
The gun with which Ruby shot and killed Oswald, which came into the possession of Ruby's brother Earl, was sold in 1991 for $220,000.
The reader will assume, unless told otherwise, that the gun was not used to bludgeon Oswald to death.

In the article The Owl and the Pussycat
Portions of an unfinished sequel, "The Children of the Owl and the Pussycat" were published first posthumously, during 1938. How the pair procreated is unspecified.
Had that specification been made, children's literature might have taken quite a different direction.

Capacious captions for unerring identificationEdit

In the article
Assassination of Abraham Lincoln:
In the article
Horst Wessel:
In the article
The Wizard of Oz (1939 film):
From left to right: assassin John Wilkes Booth, Abraham Lincoln, Mary Todd Lincoln, Clara Harris, and Henry Rathbone
Wessel as an infant with his mother and father, 1907
The film's main characters (left to right): the Cowardly Lion, Dorothy, Scarecrow, and the Tin Man
Bert Lahr, in costume as The Cowardly Lion
It's a common misconception that the
man with the gun is Mrs. Lincoln.
You don't say!
The word "unnecessary"
hardly does justice.
Not a bad case
of hirsutism?

Various views from Donald Trump: In the article The Pentagon:
A view of the Turnberry Hotel, in Ayrshire, Scotland
View of the crowd attending a Trump rally in the U.S. Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio on October 13, 2016
Southwesterly view of the Pentagon in 1998, with the Potomac River and Washington Monument in background
The reader will know without being told that
this is a "view".
We're safe in assuming that the reader
will intuit that this "view" shows a "crowd".
Thus not some other five-sided
megastructure for some reason being
shown us in the article
The Pentagon.

Honoring James Agee: In the article Theta waves: Meanwhile, back in Cambridge:
James Agee Park in the Fort Sanders neighborhood of Knoxville, Tennessee is named after the author.
Example of an EEG theta wave
Woodcut representing a view of Gore Hall at Harvard University
Who would have guessed? Could have been worse – it could have said
"Picture representing an example of an EEG
theta wave"?

The lead (and only) image in Twist tie: The lead image for Icebox: In the article The Desire of Ages:
Twist ties of different colors.
Labeled black-and-white image of an icebox
A picture of the book
Great example of an image
that doesn't need a caption.
We can see it's labeled, we can see it's black-
and-white, we can see it's an image, and the
discerning reader will realize, given that this is
the article
Icebox, that it's an icebox.
Recently inducted into the Principle
of Some Astonishment Hall of Fame –
caption and image both.

In the article
Boston Consolidated TRACON
(whatever that is):
The lead image for
CNN International:
The lead image for Earth:
The Boston Consolidated TRACON from the outside
CNN International
CNN International logo
LaunchedSeptember 1, 1985 (1985-09-01)
Owned byTurner Broadcasting System country = United States
The Blue Marble photograph of Earth, taken during the Apollo 17 lunar mission in 1972
No shit, Sherlock. (Turns out this is the logo
all CNN brands, not just CNN International –
an example of the impulse to add the obvious
leading, instead, to addition of the inaccurate.)
And here I thought they had a giant indoor
lawn, miniature building-within-a-building,
and artificial sky
Earth. Yes, Earth. Planet Earth.
The lead image in the article Earth.

In the article
Elizabeth II:
In the article
Senghenydd colliery disaster:
In the article
Harry Elkins Widener:
The Queen with Edward Heath (left) and First Lady Pat Nixon, 1970
Because we weren't sure which one is
Edward Heath. (Apparently we're on
our own for Pat Nixon vs. the Queen.)
The funeral of one of the dead miners, miner E Gilbert, a colour sergeant in The Salvation Army
Funerals are for dead people.
Harry Elkins Widener
Harry Elkins Widener
Born(1885-01-03)January 3, 1885
DiedApril 15, 1912(1912-04-15) (aged 27)
Known forNamesake of Harry Elkins Widener Memorial Library
Did we mention that it's Harry Elkins Widener?
Crowds wait for news at the Universal Colliery after the disaster
Yes, since they're not clairvoyant.

In the article
Chuck Connors:
In the article
Scottish National Antarctic Expedition:
Chuck Connors (right) filming a 1961 episode of The Rifleman.
Expedition member Gilbert Kerr (left) playing the bagpipes beside a penguin, March 1904
The one with the breasts and the hairdo
is Edward Heath.
Bearing in mind that left and right are reversed south of the equator.

Special section on modes of exit and ancillary details of deathEdit

In the article Coniston Water:
Campbell was killed instantly on impact when decapitated by the K7's windscreen.
Comment: For those innocent of the workings of windscreen decapitations.

In the article Murder of Deborah Linsley:
She sustained eleven stab wounds to the face, neck and abdomen, of which at least five were to the area around the heart ... The coroner highlighted that, although passengers reported hearing "a commotion", nobody investigated. A verdict of unlawful killing was returned.
Comment: If the verdict had been suicide, THAT would be worth mentioning in the article.

In the article Lyndon B. Johnson:
At approximately 3:39 p.m. Central Time on January 22, 1973, Johnson suffered a massive heart attack in his bedroom. He managed to telephone the Secret Service agents on the ranch, who found him still holding the telephone receiver in his hand.
Comment: I'm trying to imagine the alternatives.

In the article Grace Kelly:
Rainier, who did not remarry, was buried alongside her following his death in 2005.
Comment: Had Prince Rainier of Monaco been buried alive, THAT would be worth mentioning in the article.

In the article Simon Meyer Kuper:
On the evening of 8 March 1963, Kuper, who was at home with his wife and daughter, was shot through a window by an unknown assailant. He died of his injuries twelve days later.
Comment: If he was shot by an unknown assailant but died twelve days later on being surprised by a train, THAT would be worth mentioning in the article.

In the article James Sisnett:
Sisnett died in his sleep of natural causes on 23 May 2013, at the age of 113 years, 90 days.
Comment: Had the 113-year-old man died in his sleep not of natural causes, THAT would be worth mentioning in the article.

In the article Murder of Kristine Fitzhugh:
Music teacher Kristine Fitzhugh (born 1947–2000) was murdered on May 5, 2000 in her home in Palo Alto, California.
Comment: Obviously.

In the article Karen Carpenter:
Paramedics found her heart beating once every 10 seconds. She was taken to nearby Downey Community Hospital for treatment.
Comment: Thanks for clarifying.

In the article Faylaka Island attack:
he was ultimately mortally wounded and subsequently died.
Comment: Quelle surprise.

In the article Gary M. Heidnik:
Heidnik was executed by lethal injection on July 6, 1999, at State Correctional Institution – Rockview in Centre County, Pennsylvania. His body was later cremated.
Comment: Gosh, I hope so.

In the article Roy L. Dennis:
His body was donated to UCLA Medical Center after he died.
Comment: Ditto.

In the article Miguel Serrano
He remained in contact with neo-Nazis elsewhere in the world and gave interviews to various foreign far-right publications prior to his death.
Comment: Ditto.

In the article Jean de Florette
The film starred three of France's most prominent actors – Gérard Depardieu, Daniel Auteuil, who won a BAFTA award for his performance, and Yves Montand in one of his last roles before his death.
Comment: Let's see. Um... Ditto?

In the article Wiley Post
Post with Will Rogers before their deaths, August 1935

Comment: Ditto. Or maybe they'd already died and Dr. Frankenstein reanimated them.

Principle of Complete PuzzlementEdit

The opposite of the Principle of Some Astonishment is the Principle of Complete Puzzlement: some details don't belong because, though neither obvious nor even predictable, they're completely irrelevant and will puzzle the reader as to the reason for their inclusion.

In the article Chuck Schumer:
In March 2009, Schumer announced his support for same-sex marriage, noting that it "was time". Schumer previously supported civil unions. At a private risotto dinner with gay leaders ...
Comment: Evidently we're to conclude that gay risotto is especially persuasive.

In the article Trayvon Martin:
On the evening of February 26, Martin was walking back alone to the fiancée's house after purchasing a bag of Skittles and an Arizona iced tea at from a nearby convenience store.
Comment: Somewhat awkward product placements. As The Washington Post put it, "Skittles can't seem to escape political controversies."[1]

In the article 2015 Thalys train attack:
The remaining passengers were taken to a gym in Arras, where they were searched and identified before being allowed to proceed to Paris.
Comment: Good to know they could get in some cardio while waiting.

In the article on courageous flight attendant Barbara Jane Harrison:
On the day of the accident, as was often her practice when on duty, Harrison was wearing a black wig.
Comment: Even in death a girl should always look her best, I guess. (Personal note: give the article a read; she was truly a hero.)

In the article Lightning strike:
Sixty-eight dairy cows, all full of milk, died on a farm at Fernbrook on the Waterfall Way near Dorrigo, New South Wales, after being involved in a lightning incident.
Comment: Perhaps they used all that boiled milk to make cocoa.

In the article James F. Blake
James Fred Blake (April 14, 1912 – March 21, 2002) was the bus driver whom Rosa Parks defied in 1955, prompting the Montgomery Bus Boycott. Born on Apri1 14, 1912, the same day that the British passenger liner RMS Titanic hit an iceberg ...
Comment: A bad day all around then.

In the article Myra (painting)
After witnessing the first attack, Jacques Rolé left the exhibition to buy six eggs from Fortnum & Mason, on the other side of Piccadilly close to the Royal Academy, and threw three or four at the painting before being stopped.
Comment: Only the best eggs may be thrown at the Royal Academy.

Michael Kinsley's "Department of Amplification: William Shawn and the temple of facts" (The New Republic, 1984 – and well worth a read in full) is a pitch-perfect sendup of The New Yorker as "a weekly monument to the proposition that journalism consists of the endless accretion of tiny details":

The June 18 New Yorker has an article about corn. It's the first in what appears to be a series, no less, discussing the major grains. What about corn? Who knows? Only The New Yorker would have the lofty disdain for its readers to expect them to plow through 22,000 words about corn (warning: only an estimate; the TNR fact checkers are still counting) without giving them the slightest hint why. Here is how it starts (after a short introductory poem):

When the New England farmer and botanist Edward Sturtevant retired, in 1887, as head of the New York Agricultural Experiment Station, in Geneva, he left behind a bulky manuscript that was published in 1919, twenty-one years after his death, as "Sturtevant's Notes on Edible Plants." Dr. Sturtevant, who was also a graduate of the Harvard Medical School, but never practiced medicine, had scoured the world’s botanical literature for mentions of all the plants that human beings were known to have eaten (he did not count tree bark, which in times of famine was often one of them), and had come up with among more than three hundred thousand known plant species, two thousand eight hundred and ninety-seven edibles. (Latter-day scientists believe he may have missed as many more.) But, of all these, only a hundred and fifty or so have ever been widely enough consumed to figure in commerce, and of those a mere handful have been of any real consequence.

Now, there are some facts for you. No doubt every single one of them has been checked. You stand in awe as they tumble toward you, magnificently irrelevant, surrounded by mighty commas, mere numbers swollen into giant phrases ("two thousand eight hundred and ninety-seven"), all finally crashing over you with the bravura announcement that nothing you have just read is "of any real consequence." How true this is! From the end of the paragraph, you gaze back on the receding vistas of inconsequence, as far as the eye can see. Even supposing we would like a bit more information about corn, and even supposing we might be relieved to know how many other plants, edible and otherwise, are not going to be discussed in this article, why are we being told about a man whose count apparently was off by half? Even supposing we need to know about Dr. Sturtevant’s book, when it was published, and when the good doctor died, why do we need to know when he retired? Even—stretching it—supposing that we need to know that this gentleman "was also a graduate of the Harvard Medical School," why, oh why, do we have to learn that he "never practiced medicine"? As for the business about tree bark, that has just got to be conscious self-parody.

Remind you of any Wikipedia articles?

Diffusing ConflictEdit

Smoke can be seen diffusing at left. Next time, call the bomb defusing team.
Avoid blow-ups

Now and then someone undertakes to "diffuse" a conflict budding somewhere in the project. Probably they really mean they want to defuse the problem, as in "remove its fuse" – like from a bomb – to avoid blow-ups. Diffusing a conflict would be to spread it over a wide area, which is presumably not the intention.

Sometimes people write lengthy posts at WP:ANI, or propose Arbcom cases, in hopes of defusing a situation; however, the ensuing drama means it is diffused instead.

Casting dispersions, inciteful comments, and so onEdit

A civil and constructive manor.
She's going to work weather or not.

Closely related concepts include:

Making inciteful comments.
An effluent neighborhood
Breeches of civility
Casting of ass
Sewing chaos
The right to bare arms
We can't support you in good conscious

External linksEdit

Univalved administratorsEdit

As everyone knows, Wikipedia highly prizes its univalved admins[5] This one's "running" for Arbcom.
Then, of course, there are the unevolved admins ...

Updated DYK query Did You Know ...Edit

The Sacred Cod in its natural habitat
  • ... that John Harvard (left) does not look like John Harvard?
  • ... that Massachusetts officials were "shocked into a condition bordering on speech­less­ness" by the theft of their Sacred Cod (right)?
  • ... that the four miles of stacks aisles in Harvard's 3.5-million-volume Widener Library are so labyrinthine that one student felt she ought to carry "a compass, a sandwich, and a whistle" when entering?
  • ... that problems with a brutalist gray elephant were "like a five-car accident at an intersection. You just can't tell what caused it"?
  • ... that mathematician Andrew Gleason (right) liked to say that proofs "really aren't there to convince you that something is true—they're there to show you why it is true"?
LBJ (of all people) at the helm of an Amphicar
  • ... that quirky dogs and plural wugs helped Jean Berko Gleason (left) show that young children extract linguistic rules from what they hear, rather than just memorizing words?
  • ... that warden's wife Kate Soffel, who fled with condemned brothers Jack and Ed Biddle after supplying guns and saws for their 1902 escape from the Allegheny County Jail, later took up dressmaking?
  • ... that while testifying in a 2004 lawsuit involving the meaning of the word steakburger, a corporate CEO was grilled on the witness stand?
  • ... that the Vicar of Brighton got shot in the twitten?
  • ... that after he died, daredevil Larry Donovan's mother said, "I told him that jumping off bridges was a poor way of earning a living"?
Harry Lewis with some gizmo he invented
  • ... that Japanese Emperor Hirohito had a Liverpudlian cousin named Paddy Murphy?
  • ... that Edwin Stevens, while in a missionary position, said that erections indicated apprehension and penetration was difficult?
  • ... that Barthélemy Prosper Enfantin planned to penetrate the feminine Orient with the masculine Occident in a consummation of progression?
  • ... that the website "Six Degrees to Harry Lewis" (left) was a precursor to Facebook?
  • ... that the Get Out and Push Railroad (right) required passengers to help its trains over the steeper bits of the route?
  • ... that Wikipedia's Arbitration Committee engaged in self-flagellation?
  • ... that Harvard University's Newell Boathouse stands on public land for which Harvard pays $1 per year under a lease lasting 1000 years‍—‌at the end of which Harvard can renew for another 1000 years?
  • ... that "sorcery for your vagina" can result in second-degree burns?
  • ... that donaldtrumpi has a scaly yellowish head and small genitalia?
  • ... that swarms of dykes have intruded into Uruguay?
  • ... that erection engineer Mark Barr had a business making rubbers, said bicycles stimulated ball development, and was elected to the screw committee?
  • ... that J. J. Stiffler's (right) "unparalleled ... landmark" Theory of Synchronous Communications (1971) sprang from NASA's need for power-efficient synchronization of data transmission for its space probes?
  • ... that Trump is directly connected to Russia?
  • ... that Hillary's portrait is now being printed on the $5 bill?
  • ... that Obama was born in Japan?
  • ... that the US National Gallery of Art has a picture of Trump urinating?
  • ... that police found a corpse in Bernie's freezer?

Prosaic Prelude: Strike order for atomic bombing of Nagasaki. "BOMBS: Special. RELIGIOUS SERVICES: Catholic 1830, Protestant 2300." Nagasaki was the alternate target.
Authorial Vanity
Every author, however modest, keeps a most outrageous vanity chained like a madman in the padded cell of his breast.

Logan Pearsall Smith (1931). Afterthoughts.

Fates to Avoid
Although he did not lack friends, they were weary of coming to his defense, so endless a process it had become.

Rider, Fremont (1944). Melvil Dewey.

In composing...
In composing, as a general rule, run your pen through every other word you have written; you have no idea what vigour it will give your style.

Sydney Smith

That his style was ver­bose is some­thing on which both friend and foe agreed. Jack­son was a writer who, hav­ing em­barked on a sen­tence, was almost imme­di­ately seized by a new asso­ci­a­tion, which was promptly parked between dashes. Shortly after he embarked on the par­en­thet­i­cal phrase, another asso­ci­a­tion pre­sented itself, and was duly ensconced between paren­the­ses, thereby ex­haust­ing the con­ven­tion­al punc­tu­a­tion marks de­signed for em­bed­ded phrases. When anoth­er asso­ci­a­tion arose during the writing of the phrase in paren­the­ses‍—‌which was invar­i­a­bly the case‍—‌it was pre­sented in the form of a foot­note. But shortly after the begin­ning of the foot­note ... etc., etc.

Douwe Draaisma. "Sparks from a Leyden jar: Jackson's epilepsy". Disturbances of the Mind. (Tr. by Barbara Fasting.)

Titular charactersEdit

A discussion at Wikipedia talk:The problem with elegant variation:

The page currently [49] says

There's rarely any use in pointing out when something is titular. For example:
Batman Returns is a 1992 American superhero film directed by Tim Burton, based on the titular DC Comics character.

For reasons that surely must be obvious, I would think that Batgirl or Catwoman would be better examples of titular characters than is Batman, unless of course we take Groucho Marx's famous comment into account. EEng 13:02, 23 November 2018 (UTC)

Adding: when following the Groucho link, look at the very bottom of the page. EEng 02:25, 24 November 2018 (UTC)

Good suggestion. I actually implemented it but reverted it for the moment because I want to find an example of a film or work that dosn't just have the character name as its title (as Catwoman does). Otherwise it just brings up other arguments of repetitive prose which isn't meant to be the point of the section (see the "Of the same name" debate). I'm sure good examples exist, but it's time for bed for me now... Popcornduff (talk) 14:14, 23 November 2018 (UTC)
I'm trying to decide if you're turning the titular tables on me. EEng 16:46, 23 November 2018 (UTC)
You know, I sometimes think this place is just awash with complete tits. Martinevans123 (talk) 20:57, 24 November 2018 (UTC)
The linked article suggests so many winking puns that it's positively dazzling. This could keep us in business for years. EEng 22:55, 24 November 2018 (UTC)

Museum Rules

Visitors to The Museums are encouraged to add droll codas, possibly with evocative yet enigmatic double-entrendre wikilinks, to the items on display (though these will of course be subject to the discretion of The Curator).

Curator's note: Before you lecture me about BLP or NPOV or any of that, ask yourself which fucking side of history you plan to be on, because this isn't about tax cuts or tariffs or Confederate statues anymore.

Museum of Refreshing CandorEdit

From the recorded announcement one hears when calling a major electric utility:

For your convenience, our website now has even more self-serving features.

Museum of The Shocking Truth Can Finally Be ToldEdit

From Lost in Space:

Lost in Space was the favorite show of John F. Kennedy, Jr. while growing up in the 1960s.

Museum of brilliant strategiesEdit

From "The Preacher's Secret", an episode of the true-crime series Murder Board:

Talking head: This was not a suicide. Amy Allwine died by someone else's hand, and this in fact was murder.

Narrator: The investigators quickly focused on who could have killed her.

Museum of Lives Well LivedEdit

Edith Rosenbaum Russell
Edith Rosenbaum (later Russell), shortly after her rescue from the Titanic, carrying the toy pig with which she escaped the ship
BornJune 12, 1879
DiedApril 4, 1975 (aged 95)
OccupationFashion journalist, stylist and buyer
Known forSurviving the sinking of the Titanic with a toy pig
From our article Edith Rosenbaum:

Edith Louise Rosenbaum Russell (June 12, 1879 – April 4, 1975) was an American fashion buyer, stylist and correspondent for Women's Wear Daily, best remembered for surviving the 1912 sinking of the RMS Titanic with a music box in the shape of a pig.

Museum of Defying AristotleEdit

The results of a recent poll:

The ideas expressed in Trump's tweets were:

Racist – 48%
Not racist – 34%
Neither – 18%

There will always be an EnglandEdit

From our article on Hindhead Tunnel, "part of the 6.5 km (4.0 miles) dual-carriageway Hindhead bypass":

A tree carved with the image of a naked lady in its bark in 1943 was preserved with a small adjustment to the tunnel access boundary.

And their buffet is to die for!Edit

From our list of "Notable people who left suicide notes":

John Noble—Las Vegas resident who left a 270-page note with a table of contents and a 2-hour DVD before shooting himself at the M Resort buffet after having a "free buffet for life" prize rescinded by the resort due to his subsequent behavior there. [50]

Back to where you came fromEdit

Museum of Demagogues Pt. 2Edit

[A] dangerous ambition more often lurks behind the specious mask of zeal for the rights of the people than under the forbidden appearance of zeal for the firmness and efficiency of government. History will teach us that the former has been found a much more certain road to the introduction of despotism than the latter, and that of those men who have overturned the liberties of republics, the greatest number have begun their career by paying an obsequious court to the people; commencing demagogues, and ending tyrants.

Federalist Papers 1

Museum of Dr. Seuss Meets the WMFEdit


Museum of Creative CrueltiesEdit

From John Hervey, 7th Marquess of Bristol:

The Marquess, who had been jailed for jewel theft in his youth, was harsh towards his eldest son, according to friends of the latter. He did not show John any love or affection, and was emotionally distant to the extent that John was required to wear long white gloves during dinner.

Followup from the same article:

While accompanying his secretary Angela Barry, he crash-landed the helicopter in a field, and walked to the nearest farmhouse, demanding to use the phone while leaving mud everywhere.

Museum of Trump is So Fucking Stupid He Inhabits a Special Galaxy of Fucking Stupid All His OwnEdit

From Donald Trump's celebration (July 4, 2019) of American patriots' triumph in their struggle to throw off the British yoke:

The Continental Army suffered a bitter winter of Valley Forge, found glory across the waters of the Delaware and seized victory from Cornwallis at Yorktown. Our Army manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over airports, it did everything it had to do and at Ft. McHenry under the rocket’s red glare had nothing but victory. When dawn came, the star-spangled banner waved defiant.

Of course, Ft. McHenry was the War of 1812, but what you expect from the Dumbfuck-in-Chief? Readers may want to try spotting other minor anachronisms for themselves.

The number of historical errors is just extraordinary. The White House has an office of speechwriting, with lots of researchers and interns, and they fact-check things, and there are only three possibilities for that level of transcendental stupidity to take place. One is that that office is completely filled with people with room-temperature IQs; another is that all the procedures have fallen apart and they don't exist anymore; and the third possibility is it sprang from the brain of Donald Trump, and that is deeply, deeply disturbing.

Craig Unger

Museum of Life Imitates ArtEdit

From "Park Service diverts $2.5 million in fees for Trump’s Fourth of July extravaganza" (Washington Post, July 2, 2019):

The Pentagon has referred virtually all questions about the celebration and the military’s involvement to the White House — a function, officials said, of the president’s desire to have some surprises during the event.

Museum of Trump Family ValuesEdit

Excerpted from [51]:

Acting Defense Secretary Patrick Shanahan has withdrawn himself from the confirmation process, effectively stepping down from the role. His confirmation was delayed by a lengthy FBI investigation into a decade-old domestic abuse allegation, according to reports.

In 2010, Shanahan’s now former wife Kimberley Jordinson was arrested for allegedly punching him in the face. At the time, she reportedly told police that Shanahan had punched her. In a separate incident, Shanahan’s son was arrested for allegedly hitting his mother with a baseball bat.

President Trump made the announcement on Twitter Tuesday, writing: “Acting Secretary of Defense Patrick Shanahan, who has done a wonderful job, has decided not to go forward with his confirmation process so that he can devote more time to his family.”

Museum of 1984Edit

Museum of That's What We Call a "Clue"Edit

From "Evil in the House of the Lord", an episode of the true-crime program A Stranger in My Home:

Narrator: As firefighters enter the burning church, they make an alarming discovery.

District attorney: They clearly suspected arson, because of the gas cans stacked by the front door.

Followup, from "The Bad Apple", an episode of Fatal Vows:

Narrator: The police go straight to the orchard, just a quarter mile from the house.

Detective: Once they removed the carpet from him, and there were five bullet holes in his torso, we believed it was a homicide investigation.

Museum of The Mysterious EastEdit

The precise and exact wording found in the training materials for a major airline's international flight crews:

JAPAN ... Gestures: A waving hand from side to side in front of the face usually means "No, thank you". Remember that laughter does not always mean joy or amusement; it can also be a sign of embarrassment or distress. Japanese women often cover their moths when laughing, giggling, or smiling.

See also: List of moths of Japan

Museum of Well In That Case, He's the Man For YouEdit

MSNBC reporter Mike Memoli, May 13, 2019:

And so what we're seeing here is Joe Biden in New Hampshire, a state that really likes to touch and feel its candidates.

Museum of DemagoguesEdit

Adapted from our article "Demagogue":
First they came for the Mueller report ...

A demagogue gains and holds power by exciting the passions of the lower classes and less-educated people in a democracy toward rash or violent action, breaking established democratic institutions such as the rule of law. James Fenimore Cooper in 1838 identified four fundamental characteristics of demagogues:

  1. They fashion themselves as a man or woman of the common people, opposed to the elites.
  2. Their politics depends on a visceral connection with the people, which greatly exceeds ordinary political popularity.
  3. They manipulate this connection, and the raging popularity it affords, for their own benefit and ambition.
  4. They threaten or outright break established rules of conduct, institutions, and even the law.

The central feature of the practice of demagoguery is persuasion by means of passion, shutting down reasoned deliberation and consideration of alternatives. While many politicians in a democracy make occasional small sacrifices of truth, subtlety, or long-term concerns to maintain popular support, demagogues do these things relentlessly and without self-restraint. Demagogues "pander to passion, prejudice, bigotry, and ignorance, rather than reason."

Demagogues have arisen in democracies from Athens to the present day, but their psychological tactics have remained the same throughout history:

  • Scapegoating
  • Fearmongering
  • Lying
  • Emotional oratory and personal charisma
  • Accusing opponents of weakness and disloyalty
  • Promising the impossible
  • Violence and physical intimidation
  • Personal insults and ridicule
  • Vulgarity and outrageous behavior
  • Folksy posturing
  • Gross oversimplification
  • Attacking the news media

Museum of Great TeachersEdit

From "Theodore Baird, Amherst professor of composition for 42 years; at 95", The Boston Globe, December 24, 1996:

Each September, he explained his philosophy to his students: "Your teacher does not exist to give you the answers. His function is to ask questions, and if by inadvertence he should ever chance to tell you something, you should immediately turn the questioning on him. Whatever answers you reach in this course, they will be your own."

Followup tweetEdit

Terrible about Notre Dame but hopefully football program will continue. Use exhibition games to raise repair money! #GoIrish
Museum visitor reactions

Not a Moment Too Soon, ApparentlyEdit

A Lesson for Our TimeEdit

Most of you will have heard of this, at some time or another, in summary form, but this video brings it home much more effectively. I urge you all to watch it in its entirety: [52].

Four seconds before 12:34, the "1234" stops for the third time since starting thirty seconds before 12:34. That's my synopsis and my review. Thanks for recommending this "fine" Yale film. InedibleHulk (talk) 05:14, March 31, 2019 (UTC)
I'm not following you but I'm sure we can agree it's electrifying. EEng 04:15, 16 April 2019 (UTC)

The Plot ThickensEdit

Emu War
Date2 November – 10 December 1932
LocationCampion district, Western Australia
Sir George Pearce
Major G.P.W. Meredith
Royal Australian Artillery
From our article Emu War:

With the onset of the Great Depression in 1929, these farmers were encouraged to increase their wheat crops, with the government promising—and failing to deliver—assistance in the form of subsidies. In spite of the recommendations and the promised subsidies, wheat prices continued to fall, and by October 1932 matters were becoming intense, with the farmers preparing to harvest the season's crop while simultaneously threatening to refuse to deliver the wheat.

The difficulties facing farmers were increased by the arrival of as many as 20,000 emus.

Also note the article's Template:Infobox historical event (shown here) which includes the datum: "Participants – Emus"

Museum of Devin Nunes is an Idiot a Dumb AssholeEdit

Sorry your feelings were hurt, snowflake.

Headline: "Devin Nunes Sues Twitter for Allowing Accounts to Insult Him"

Just to repeat: Devin Nunes is truly an idiot a dumb asshole.
Please note: in response to feedback from other editors, and in keeping with our Biographies of Living Persons policy, which requires the highest standards of accuracy and quality sourcing, the word idiot above has been changed to dumb asshole.

Museum of No Kidding, I'm Serious This TimeEdit

From "The Sniffing Revenge", an episode of the true-crime series Forensic Files. Tests have confirmed that the funny-smelling milk in Dorothy's fridge has been poisoned:
Narrator: Dorothy accused Richard of placing the selenium in her milk during his visit. When confronted with the evidence, Richard confessed. In return, Dorothy refused to press charges against Richard.
Talking head: He had to admit, "Yes I did do this." And he was sent into anger counseling. When he came out of anger counseling he made another attempt, which he denied. And that was when Dorothy confronted him and just told him, "You make any more attempts on me, or anybody in my family, and I'm gonna have you taken away in handcuffs."

Museum of Lessons UnlearnedEdit

The words of a President have an enormous weight and ought not to be used indiscriminately.

— "Silent Cal"

Museum of Maybe Wikipedia Should be Censored After AllEdit

Not for the faint of heart
From our article on (AND I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP) Anal bleaching:

As Brazilian waxing became popular, due to the popularity of smaller swimsuits and lingerie, the spread of pornography into the mainstream, and endorsement of the procedure by celebrities, women began noticing that their anuses were darker than the rest of their skin.

Museum of I Guess He Missed That Particular LectureEdit

From "Two in a Million", an episode of the true-crime series Forensic Files. Detectives are narrowing down the field of suspects:

And investigators learned that Dana had some character flaws. Apparently, he had plagiarized a term paper in his business ethics class.

Today on Capitol HillEdit

Rudy Giuliani observes from the gallery.
Committee Chairman Jerrold Nadler questions the witness.

Museum of AdjustmentsEdit

From 55 Broadway:

Halfway along the north and east facades are a matched pair of sculptures, Day and Night by Jacob Epstein. The modernism and graphic nakedness of these sculptures created public outrage on their unveiling ... In the end, Epstein agreed to remove 1.5 inches from the penis of the smaller figure on Day and ultimately the furore died down.

Museum of John Adams WeepsEdit


A wall
A cave

Museum of the only person on the planet not painfully aware that Donald J. Trump is such a dumbfuck moron that truly world-beating dumbfuck morons want to be near him so they can seem intelligent by comparisonEdit

World-beating dumbfuck morons gather to bask in the glow of Donald J. Trump's unparalleled dumbfuckery.

Museum of Laughter is the Best MedicineEdit

Medical mirth from the New England Journal of Medicine (With thanks to User:Tryptofish):

Mediastinal Emphysema after a Sax Orgy

To the Editor: We recently cared for a 24-year-old man admitted to the emergency room with symptoms of substernal chest discomfort, breathlessness, difficulty swallowing, and change in speech. The patient stated that he had been well until the evening before admission, when he first noticed these symptoms after three hours of vigorous saxophone playing.

Museum of You Raise a Good PointEdit

From a 1990 (?) letter to The Straight Dope:

Dear Cecil:

In reading through your column "Vegetarians Go Ape," I noticed an unusual fact that you seemed to expose with great confidence. You stated that "Jane Goodall established more than twenty years ago that wild chimpanzees kill other animals once in a while and eat the meat with relish." I question the accuracy of this. Where would wild chimpanzees obtain relish?

— Guru Singh Khalsa, Los Angeles

Museum of MantrasEdit

Museum of National EmergenciesEdit

C'mon Donald, light my fire!
From the article Reichstag Fire Decree:

Seizing on the burning of the Reichstag building as the supposed opening salvo in a communist uprising, the Nazis were able to throw millions of Germans into a convulsion of fear at the threat of Communist terror ... Within hours of the fire, dozens of Communists had been thrown into jail. The next day, officials in the Prussian Ministry of the Interior, which was led by Hermann Göring, discussed ways to provide legal cover for the arrests. Ludwig Grauert, the chief of the Prussian state police, proposed an emergency presidential decree under Article 48 of the Weimar Constitution, which gave the president the power to take any measure necessary to protect public safety without the consent of the Reichstag.

Enemas of the StateEdit

Giving new meaning to the phrase "Stalinist purge":

A 365-kilogram (805-pound) brass statue of a syringe enema bulb held aloft by three angels stands in front of the "Mashuk" spa in the settlement of Zheleznovodsk in Russia. It is the only known monument to the enema.

Museum of John Stuart MillEdit

As quoted by Cody Fenwick in "This 19th-century philosopher perfectly explained the phenomenon that keeps Trump fans so devoted to the disastrous president":

So long as opinion is strongly rooted in the feelings, it gains rather than loses instability by having a preponderating weight of argument against it. For if it were accepted as a result of argument, the refutation of the argument might shake the solidity of the conviction; but when it rests solely on feeling, worse it fares in argumentative contest, the more persuaded adherents are that their feeling must have some deeper ground, which the arguments do not reach; and while the feeling remains, it is always throwing up fresh intrenchments of argument to repair any breach made in the old.

Museum of Little Liar Working for the Big LiarEdit

Character counts, Matt!
Headline: "Acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker falsely claimed on his resume and on government documents that he was named an Academic All-American when he played football at the University of Iowa..."

To what purpose then require [confirmation by] the Senate? ... It would be an excellent check upon a spirit of favoritism in the President, and would tend greatly to prevent the appointment of unfit characters ... He would be both ashamed and afraid to bring forward ... candidates who had no other merit than that of coming from the same State to which he particularly belonged, or of being in some way or other personally allied to him, or of possessing the necessary insignificance and pliancy to render them the obsequious instruments of his pleasure. – Hamilton

Museum of Abrupt and Intrusive VisitorsEdit

A Yuletide poem for the cognoscenti:

The children were nestled
All snug in their beds
While visions of tamping irons
Went through their heads.

<Poet bows, acknowledges applause>

Museum of Eloquence in the Age of TrumpEdit

A recent message left on The Curator's talk page:
Anti-American socialist vermin like you should have their balls cut off and forced down their throat.
Commie fag — Preceding unsigned comment added by Pilesabuse (talkcontribs) 13:04, 23 December 2018 (UTC)

Museum of History Repeats ItselfEdit

The Teflon "Don" on his way to prison
The man who sent him there

Museum of Damsels in DistressEdit

From "CITY NEWS IN BRIEF", The Washington Post, September 12, 1915, p. 19:

Blanks have been sent out by F. J. Brunner, member of the harbor squad of the police force, who has been instructing policemen and others in life-saving in the water, for a special series of contests in lifesaving to be held at the municipal bathing beach, near the Monument, September 15. The contests will be by teams, who must demonstrate the breaking of holds and the towing of supposedly drowning persons to safety by various methods. A feature of the contests will be the rescuing of women completely dressed.

Museum of What Could Possibly Go Wrong? (Part 3)Edit

From an episode of the true-crime series Forensic Files:

Ward and Diana Maracle were respected members of the community. Ward's Gas Bar, the Maracle's business – a gas station with a restaurant attached – had always been a prosperous business. At night, they also operated a check-cashing business out of their home.

Museum of Behind Closed DoorsEdit

From our surprisingly PG article on Leopold von Sacher-Masoch:

On 9 December 1869, Sacher-Masoch and his mistress Baroness Fanny Pistor signed a contract making him her slave for a period of six months, with the stipulation that the Baroness wear furs as often as possible, especially when she was in a cruel mood.

For further information, consult such sources as Tawdry Knickers and Other Unfortunate Ways to Be Remembered.

Museum of Liars, Cheats, Thieves, Traitors, and MurderersEdit

Museum of Yale, eat your heart out!Edit

Curator's note: This film, Mystery Street: Murder at Harvard (1950, dir. John Sturges – not his best by any means) is remarkable for having (a) no mysterious street, and (b) no murder at Harvard (though Harvard's "Dr. McAdoo" helps solve it). It does, however, feature Ricardo Montalban as (AND I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP) "Detective Morales" of the Barnstable Police Department.
The trailer [53] is well worth watching from the beginning. "Here, in this room, is the answer!", the narrator bellows as the young Montalban withdraws his arm from a birdcage where Elsa Lanchester, who chews up the scenery as a scheming landlady, has hidden the crucial clue. The "exciting scenes" filmed "in and around Harvard University" include – sorry, these aren't in the trailer – an impossible shot of a car pulling up to a vacant parking meter – in Harvard Square! – directly in front of Johnston Gate!! Then for several minutes "Detective Morales" and his partner, lugging a box of bones, seek in vain the "Department of Forensic Medicine", fashion-plate Harvard men misdirecting them first to Harvard Hall, then Sever, then Widener, then Austin. When they finally realize they're in entierly the wrong city, and head over to Harvard Medical School in Boston, as luck would have it there's parking available right there on Longwood Avenue as well.
Historical note: In the brief shot at 0m30s, Montalban is chasing the bad guy along the platform of Trinity Place Station into the Boston and Albany Railroad's Back Bay railyard, which is now the site of the Prudential Center.

Museum of Unfortunate CognatesEdit

At right, an image from our article on Proselytism. ("Lies!" is German for "Read!"):

Curator's note: My favorite cognate is "Gift". Do not ever offer a German visitor a gift ("Here, have some tea. I have a little gift for you") because "Gift" is German for "poison".

Museum of Duty and RemembranceEdit

"American Marines in Belleau Wood" (Georges Scott, 1918)
Americans who died at Belleau Wood are buried at nearby Aisne-Marne American Cemetery.

Bone-spur sufferer Donald Trump did not attend the ceremonies at Belleau Wood marking the 100th anniversary of the end of World War I, because it was raining. Oh wait! He also didn't attend Veterans Day ceremonies at Arlington National Cemetery. Too busy tweeting, no doubt.

Visitors to the Museum are asked to take a moment to read the story of Lionel de Jersey Harvard (left) and his younger brother Kenneth O'Gorman Harvard (right).

Bonus fact: Trump is so stupid that he confuses the Baltics with the Balkans. His wife, of course, was born in Slovenia but in fairness it's possible there was no return address on the crate she came in. Not that he knows where Slovenia is anyway.

Museum of Unexpected CitationsEdit

Principal investigators of the Desperate Housewives Research Institute
A citation added by one of our finest editors, David Eppstein, to our article on Rounding:

Isaiah Lankham, Bruno Nachtergaele, Desperate Housewives (season 5): Linear Algebra as an Introduction to Abstract Mathematics. World Scientific, Singapur 2016, ISBN 978-981-4730-35-8, S. 186.

Museum of Misplaced ModifiersEdit

From the article Richard Feynman (with thanks to Atsme):

He noted that Feynman's eccentricities included a refusal to brush his teeth, which he advised others not to do on national television.

In other news ...Edit

From the article Hugo Black:

Shortly after Black's appointment to the Supreme Court, Ray Sprigle of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette wrote a series of articles revealing Black's involvement in the Klan, for which he won a Pulitzer Prize.

Museum of Learned HandEdit

From a 1944 speech:

Liberty lies in the hearts of men and women; when it dies there, no constitution, no law, no court can save it; no constitution, no law, no court can even do much to help it ... What is this liberty that must lie in the hearts of men and women? It is not the ruthless, the unbridled will; it is not the freedom to do as one likes. That is the denial of liberty and leads straight to its overthrow. A society in which men recognize no check on their freedom soon becomes a society where freedom is the possession of only a savage few — as we have learned to our sorrow. ... The spirit of liberty is the spirit which is not too sure that it is right; the spirit of liberty is the spirit which seeks to understand the minds of other men and women; the spirit of liberty is the spirit which weighs their interests alongside its own without bias; the spirit of liberty remembers that not even a sparrow falls to earth unheeded ...

Museum of Stable GeniusesEdit

A story for our times...

A priest, a college student, and Donald Trump are in a small plane flying through a storm. Suddenly the pilot rushes from the cockpit. "We're going down," he cries, "and we only have three parachutes!" He puts on a parachute and jumps out.

Donald Trump says, "Well, I'm a stable genius so I must be saved!" He grabs a parachute and jumps.

The priest turns to the college student. "Young man," he says, "I've had a long life and am ready to meet my maker. Please, take the last parachute and save yourself."

The college student says, "Don't sweat it, Father. The stable genius jumped out with my backpack."

The stable genius has friendsEdit

The anatomically confused edit summary to a recent edit to my talk page [54]:

You are a fucking faggot. Kill yourself you stupid cunt.

Vote November 6.

Museum of Jobs With Unusual DutiesEdit

From an episode of the true-crime program 48 Hours. An old murder case has taken a surprising turn when an evidence swab appears to have semen belonging to a San Diego Police Department crime-lab technician. But attorneys defending the technician have an explanation ...

Defense attorney 1: The swab itself was put to dry in the open air ...

Defense attorney 2: ... without a cap ...

Defense attorney 1: ... on a table near where [the technician] worked. Everything that was able to be airborne could have gone and touched that swab.

Interviewer: The problem, though, with this case is, seems to me, that the allegation is that this isn't sweat or spit – it's his semen. How would his semen get on a swab?

Defense attorney 2: You can still have cross-contamination of semen because they had to have fresh samples of semen in the San Diego lab.

Interviewer (voiceover): At the time of [the] murder, criminalists would often bring their own seminal fluid to the lab and use it to ensure the chemicals used to detect semen were working correctly.

Museum of First Things FirstEdit

The capsule summary for an episode of the television program Call 911:

"Wisconsin Standoff" Reality. (2009) A 15-hour standoff with a man who will only negotiate during commercials.

Museum of Logical NamesEdit

From a recent television news report:

All passengers are safe this morning after a plane landed in a lagoon in the tiny nation of Micronesia.

Museum of An Illiterate Assisted by IncompetentsEdit

The precise and exact wording of a tweet posted September 24, 2018 by the Idiot-in-Chief, regarding the rough patch recently hit by his Supreme Court nominee, Brett Kavenaugh:

The Democrats are working hard to destroy a wonderful man, and a man who has the potential to be one of our greatest Supreme Court Justices ever, with an array of False Acquisitions the likes of which have never been seen before!

Followup: The Idiot All on his OwnEdit

From the Idiot-in-Chief's remarks at the 2017 Values Voter Summit. The teleprompter text read: "They sacrifice every day for the future of their children."

We see this spirit in the men and women who selflessly enlist in our armed forces and, really, who go out and risk their lives for God and for country. And we see it in the mothers and the fathers who get up at the crack of dawn; they work two jobs and sometimes three jobs. They sacrifice every day for the furniture and – future of their children.

Tip: next time try reading the speech at least once in advance before you have to deliver it. Idiot.

Museum of The Walls Closing InEdit

There's a wall like this in your future, Mr. President, and no need for Mexico to pay for it!
Sieg heil!

The beautiful laws and substances of the world persecute and whip the traitor. He finds that things are arranged for truth and benefit, but there is no den in the wide world to hide a rogue. Commit a crime, and the earth is made of glass. Commit a crime, and it seems as if a coat of snow fell on the ground, such as reveals in the woods the track of every partridge and fox and squirrel and mole. You cannot recall the spoken word, you cannot wipe out the foot-track, you cannot draw up the ladder, so as to leave no inlet or clew. Some damning circumstance always transpires.


Unsurprising followup: "Trump announces support for bipartisan prison reform."

Museum of So Then What's the Point?Edit

Caption on video clip in our fine article on Le Pétomane, "the French flatulist (professional farter)":

Le Pétomane du Moulin Rouge, 1900 (silent film clip)

Museum of Not Exactly Employee of the MonthEdit

From Raymond Chandler:

Chandler was by 1931 a highly paid vice president of the Dabney Oil Syndicate, but his alcoholism, absenteeism, promiscuity with female employees, and threatened suicides contributed to his dismissal a year later.

Museum of Delusional Alternative RealitiesEdit

Meet the FamilyEdit

"The hothead"
"Nice college boy"
"Give him a living but never discuss the family business with him."
"Married badly"
Tom Hagan
"Not a wartime consigliere"

Museum of Modern TimesEdit

Museum of the Liberal Deep-State SwampEdit

Angled Saxaphone


With thanks to Kliban. [55]

Museum of John of SalisburyEdit

From [56]:
To confer honor on the unwise is to subvert the life of the republic. And it is impossible that one governs usefully when one is subverted by one's own errors ... An unwise king is the ruin of his people.

Museum of Thanks for Clearing That UpEdit

From Wikipedia's plot summary for the 1968 Italian film Be Sick... It's Free:

But the mother planned for him a great future as a doctor, and taught him to play dirty hospital where Guido worked to gain more customers can be borrowed. Mutual is an association that gave the Italians the State contribution for care by doctors, in Italy the period of maximum growth was precisely that of the sixties in which doctors and primary clinics trying to accumulate for their many customers who had to scrape together more money mutual. Tersilli from a simple pediatrician starts to become a real doctor raking here and there with mutual customers. The turning point occurs when Guido is called by a rich lady to visit her husband. Guido takes just a chance to woo the woman, although he was already engaged to another girl to bring her into his list of patients borrowed. So Guido, under the envy of colleagues, start earning with the rich lady countless customers borrowed touching the 2000 patients.

Museum of the ApocolypseEdit

1957: Eleanor Roosevelt appears on Meet the Press
1968: RFK appears on Meet the Press
1960: MLK appears on Meet the Press
1980: Jimmy Carter appears on Meet the Press
2007: Barack Obama appears on Meet the Press
1997: Bill Clinton appears on Meet the Press

And now, this week's sign the that apocalypse is upon us ...

Museum of Think of It This WayEdit

Thought-provoking passage from the article Intrauterine device:

Imagine the sperm as drivers who want to make it to their destination, the egg, as fast as possible. Without an IUD, they can see where they are headed. However, with an IUD, it's hard for them to figure out how to get to their final destination.

Museum of Crime Really Doesn't PayEdit

From Charles Ingram:

Charles William Ingram (born 6 August 1963) is an English former British Army major known for cheating on the television game show Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? in 2001. He was convicted at Southwark Crown Court on a single count of procuring the execution of a valuable security by deception. He was convicted of an unrelated insurance fraud in 2003, and ordered to resign his commission as a major by the Army Board ...

Ingram and his wife were declared bankrupt in November 2004 and November 2005 respectively ... In September 2010 Ingram slipped on a rotten apple while mowing the lawn and sliced off three of his toes.

Museum of JuxtapositionsEdit

Puts children in classrooms
Puts children in cages

Museum of Donald Trump is a Lying Traitor and His White House is Staffed by Lying Traitors Covering For HimEdit

On the left below, a true transcript of the Helsinki press conference, in which Vladimir Putin openly stated that he instructed Russian officials to help Trump become president of the United States.

On the right, what the official White House video makes it appear was said – edited (and I am not making this up) to delete the reporter's words President Putin, did you want President Trump to win the election, thus making it appear as if Putin is responding to a question about Special Counsel Robert Mueller instead of about Trump's election. Let me repeat that: the White House's official video of the Trump-Putin news conference is falsified to hide the fact that Putin said that he directed Russian officials to help Trump become president.

The video links are given below so you can hear for yourself. Putin is discussing his bizarre proposal that the United States send certain of its diplomats and intelligence officials to Russia for questioning...

Putin (through translator): So we have an interest of questioning them. We can all – that could be a first step, and we can also extend it. Options abound, and they all can be found in an appropriate legal framework.

Reporter Jeff Mason: President Putin, did you want President Trump to win the election and did you direct any of your officials to help him do that?

Putin: Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Because he talked about bringing the U.S.–Russia relationship back to normal.

C-SPAN uneditied video [57] (start at 32:40)

Putin (through translator): So we have an interest of questioning them. We can all – that could be a first step, and we can also extend it. Options abound, and they all can be found in an appropriate legal framework.

Reporter Jeff Mason: And did you direct any of your officials to help him do that?                                                                                             

Putin: Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Because he talked about bringing the U.S.–Russia relationship back to normal.

The White House's falsified video [58]

As of July 26, the White House's transcript of the press conference has been corrected to reflect what really transpired [59], but the falsified video (linked above right) has not been corrected.

Anagrams don't lieEdit

Trump is a malignant narcissist = Mr Putin's a smiling satanic tsar
"Trump Derangement Syndrome" = Grumpy demented man errs not
Anagrams don't lie = damnation lagers

Museum of If Trump Was a ScreenwriterEdit

"I'll not be back."
"I shouldn't have known better with a girl like you"

Museum of Machine Intelligence and Human IdiocyEdit

No kidding, I typed Trump into the Google search box and it autocompleted Trump idiot.

Museum of Doesn't Seem So Funny AnymoreEdit

How prescient turned out be this [60] conversation at ANI in June 2017. The underlined bits were removed by an admin as BLP violations – ha!
  • I do not think Putin would be interested at all, but right now there are a lot of cases in Russia when people are jailed for twits etc. The signals typically come from, um, unstable whistleblowers. I am not currently in Russia, but still...--Ymblanter (talk) 16:02, 31 May 2017 (UTC)
Good thing for Trump we don't jail people for twits here in the US. EEng 17:41, 31 May 2017 (UTC)
Putin is too busy running the White House to be bothered with these editors. Legacypac (talk) 16:39, 31 May 2017 (UTC)
  • Content note: Article contains the passage: Three dolphins applauded the president for feeding them fish, while the walruses even shook his hand. EEng 17:41, 31 May 2017 (UTC)
I prefer Adorned in white overalls to resemble a bird, Putin did manage to get some cranes to fly. ‑ Iridescent 17:51, 31 May 2017 (UTC)
It's a shame the title of this thread isn't something like BITEy behavior at Pets of Vladimir Putin. EEng 18:05, 31 May 2017 (UTC)

[... Irrelevant intervening posts omitted...]

  • I voted to keep the article since it is as good as the other similar pages, some of which I was already aware of. Who knew Putin's dog is tracked by Russian GPS? Legacypac (talk) 18:20, 31 May 2017 (UTC)
Wait... Donald Trump is tracked by Russian GPS??? EEng 19:40, 31 May 2017 (UTC)
Remember kids, kneeling for the national anthem is worse than treason, but kneeling for Putin is diplomacy.

Museum of Divine Right of KingsEdit

Before "zero-tolerance", families of future criminals remained together.
Under "zero tolerance" children are sep­a­rat­ed from their parents for their own good.
In this still from a home video by First Lady Melania Trump, presidential advisor Steven Miller (center), Attorney General Jeff Sessions, Chief of Staff John Kelly, and sometime advisor Steve Bannon discuss "zero tolerance" policy. Trump was on the crapper tweeting.

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
“Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she
With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

–Probably some stupid Democrat
Not to brag, but I just finished this jigsaw puzzle in only one week. The box said 2–4 years![2]
"A degenerate imbecile and child-abducting sadist"[3]


  1. ^ McGregor, Jena (September 22, 2016). "Skittles can't seem to escape political controversies". The Washington Post. Retrieved September 22, 2016.
  2. ^ I stole this from somewhere on the net.
  3. ^ David Bentley Hart, NYT Sunday Review, July 15, 2018, pp. 1,4–5

Museum of legal, regulated, and taxedEdit

From the article Seatrade:

Seatrade is the largest specialized refrigerated shipping company in the world, operating a fleet of near 100 specialised reefer vessels.

Museum of Stop touching Samuel Johnson!Edit

From the article Tuberculous cervical lymphadenitis (as pointed out to me by a pal years ago):

Queen Anne touched the infant Samuel Johnson in 1712, but King George I put an end to the practice as being "too Catholic".

Museum of Washed-Up Has-BeensEdit

Museum of Peace for Our TimeEdit

Museum of Those Greeks Sure Were PervertedEdit

From the article Hercules' Dog Discovers Purple Dye:

Hercules and his dog were walking on the beach on their way to court a nymph named Tyro.

You're a Big Help, AWBEdit

An edit summary in the article Jim Gray (computer scientist):

Typo fixing, replaced: using using → using using AWB

Museum of Sexual EntitlementEdit

From a comment at a GA review:

Do people expect bangs?

Museum of MetaphorEdit

An MSNBC correspondent commenting (May 24, 2018) on the cancellation of aspiring dictator Donald Trump's meet with North Korea's actual dictator and fellow fatso, Kim Jong Un:

There was also this sense that he put the cart before the horse and gave away the farm by not doing the legwork.

Museum of Who Tweeted It? (Pt. 2)Edit

We should renegotiate the International Date Line, which is another bad Deal made by Democrats. When an American goes to China, he loses a day. But when a China person goes to America, he gains a day. Unfair![1]

Museum of I Didn't Know That Was PossibleEdit

From the article on the film Bad Biology:

When they finally meet, they bond over their social and personal difficulties and lack of sexual fulfillment. However, they must somehow tame Batz' increasingly erratic penis before it can go on a murder spree.

Museum of The WatchersEdit

The words of Congressman James Mann during debate on the impeachment of Richard Nixon:

If there be no accountability, another president will feel free to do as he chooses. The next time there may be no watchman in the night.

(The flaw in that reasoning being, of course, that if this hypothetical "another president" is an idiot who knows no history, he will profit not from the lesson.)

Museum of Maimonides of HydrophobiaEdit

A recent correction to the article Tiberias:

In the late 12th century Tiberias' Jewish community numbered 50 Jewish families, headed by rabies rabbis

Museum of What Noticeboard Do I Report That At?Edit

From someone's talk page:

You reported my giant penls in your vergina in the same minute it was created

Museum of Who Tweeted It?Edit

Museum of Unflappable Game Show HostsEdit

Museum of Really Upset ViewersEdit


(Read about what actually happened here: [62].)

Museum of In Case You Hadn't RealizedEdit

From the website of something called The Mountain Academy [63]:

Things have really gone wrong when multiple members of your group have been caught in an avalanche.

Museum of Man In Conflict With HimselfEdit

Cheddar Man: "Oof! I can't wait for Lactaid to be invented!"
From our article on the fossil Cheddar Man:

Analysis of his nuclear DNA indicates that he was a typical member of the western European population at the time, with lactose intolerance ...

Museum of Method ActingEdit

From List of conspiracy theories:

These theories variously allege that she is a Western spy, or that her attempted murder by the Taliban in 2012 was a secret operation to further discredit the Taliban, and was organized by her father and the CIA and carried out by actor Robert de Niro disguised as an Uzbek homeopath.

Museum of Please, Dear God, I'm Begging You, No!Edit

From Harley F. Holden, "Student Records: The Harvard Experience" (The American Archivist, v. 39 n. 4, October 1976):

I suppose it could be argued, at least facetiously, that since our scientific community does not hesitate to publish photographs of scantily clad native chiefs from New Guinea or South American jungles, that community should not hesitate to feature photographs in the National Geographic or Natural History Magazine of [those] who became our chiefs of state.

Museum of Avoid These Common MistakesEdit

From WikiHow's "How to Run Away With the Circus":

1. Get into shape. To be a part of any circus, you should be highly capable physically. Before you join in the clowning about, practice your flexibility for a few months.

2. Choose an act. Circuses usually require auditions, and you should build a repertoire. Look into things like acrobatics, diabolo, unicycle, and trampolining.

3. Find a good costume. Make sure you have the right costume for you, and that it fits your act. For example, you wouldn't want long, flowing sleeves for fire dancing.

Museum of Always Good AdviceEdit

From Farrow's Manual of Military Training (1920, p. 886):

Association with lewd women is dangerous.

Museum of Doing The Best I Can Under The CircumstancesEdit

From a post at AN:

Sorry for the partial legibility of the previous note; my new computer's "a" and "q" keys are malfunctioning (intermittently...ugg) so I have to copy/paste the letter "a" if I want to type it, and I forgot.

Museum of 50 years laterEdit

My college advisor is teaching Classics of Computer Science, so for old times' sake I'm sitting in to make a pest of myself. Last week we discussed Claude Shannon's "A Symbolic Analysis of Relay and Switching Circuits" (1938), which has been called "possibly the most important, and also the most famous, master's thesis of the century." One hurdle: apparently computer science students at major universities today aren't taught what a relay is ...

My dad (1968): How does a computer work?
Me: Well, it's like your brain ...

Me (2016, to 6-year old nephew): Riding your scooter, you wear a helmet to protect your brain.
Nephew: What's my brain?
Me: Well, it's like a computer ...


My dad (1968): What's a transistor?
Me: Well, it's like a relay ...

"Classics of Computer Science" student (2018): What's a relay?
Me: A relay is [draws diagram and explains].
Student: So it's like a transistor?

Museum of Good to KnowEdit

Headline in the September 7, 1949 issue of the Klamath Falls, Oregon Herald and News (p. 5): 

KF Community College Has Competent Faculty



Museum of Temperamental ArtistsEdit

From the article Roderick Maclean:

Roderick Maclean (died 9 June 1921) attempted to assassinate Queen Victoria on 2 March 1882, at Windsor, England, with a pistol. This was the last of eight attempts by separate people to kill or assault Victoria over a period of forty years. Maclean's motive was purportedly a curt reply to some poetry that he had mailed to the Queen.

Museum of I Was Wondering About ThatEdit

Museum of Abstracts of One SyllableEdit

Museum of Multitasking Militant MuslimsEdit

Museum of Polly Wants a ZipperEdit

The entirety of an item in the Oakland Tribune for September 13, 1945 (p. 8):

Zippers and Parrot Are Hospital Wants – An appeal was issued today by the Oakland Chapter, American Red Cross, for nine 10 and 12 inch zippers and a parrot, for men in local military hospitals. Anyone wishing to donate these contributions should call HIghgate 7680, extension 15.

Museum of Any Serious Questions?Edit

From the talk page for the article on The Clapper, the "Clap On, Clap Off" remote control device:
Can you get it from kissing? —Preceding unsigned comment added by (talk) 20:03, 20 December 2007 (UTC)

Museum of QuantitativesEdit

The Disagree/Neutral/Agree questions asked at to evaluate a subject's match to "the Dark Triad ... three closely related yet independent personality traits that all have a somewhat malevolent connotation. The three traits are machiavellianism (a manipulative attitude), narcissism (excessive self-love), and psychopathy (lack of empathy)." I answered on behalf of US President Donald Trump, and received the following results:
Machiavellianism: 4/4
Narcissism: 4/4
Psychopathy: 3.8/4 (so there's at least some good news, I guess)
  • It's not wise to tell your secrets.
  • People see me as a natural leader.
  • I like to get revenge on authorities.
  • I like to use clever manipulation to get my way.
  • I hate being the center of attention.
  • I avoid dangerous situations.
  • Whatever it takes, you must get the important people on your side.
  • Many group activities tend to be dull without me.
  • Payback needs to be quick and nasty.
  • Avoid direct conflict with others because they may be useful in the future.
  • I know that I am special because everyone keeps telling me so.
  • People often say I'm out of control.
  • It's wise to keep track of information that you can use against people later.
  • I like to get acquainted with important people.
  • It's true that I can be mean to others.
  • You should wait for the right time to get back at people.
  • I feel embarrassed if someone compliments me.
  • People who mess with me always regret it.
  • There are things you should hide from other people because they don't need to know.
  • I have been compared to famous people.
  • I have never gotten into trouble with the law.
  • Make sure your plans benefit you, not others.
  • I am an average person.
  • I enjoy having sex with people I hardly know.
  • Most people can be manipulated.
  • I insist on getting the respect I deserve.
  • I'll say anything to get what I want.

Museum of Whatever Are You Implying?Edit

From Gately's Universal Educator: An Educational Cyclopaedia and Business Guide (1883):

A woman should not usually form acquaintances upon the street, or seek to attract the attention or admiration of the other sex, as to do so might render false her claims to ladyhood, if it did not make her liable to charges of a more severe nature.

Museum of Cantabrigians, Stop SniggeringEdit

From a recent edit summary:

Oxford coma for clarity

Museum of Legal EaglesEdit

The latest idiocy from Alabama's Unreconstructed Cracker-in-Chief:

Alabama election officials declared Democrat Doug Jones the winner of a special Senate election held earlier this month... Montgomery Circuit Judge Johnny Hardwick on Thursday denied Moore's attempt to delay the certification of votes while Moore's claims of voter fraud are investigated. Hardwick said he lacked jurisdiction to decide the case – meaning that Moore, a former state Supreme Court chief justice, may have filed the lawsuit in the wrong court.

Museum of Everything's about Me, Me, Me!Edit

President Donald J. Trump's initial reaction to a fatal train derailment:

The train accident that just occurred in DuPont, WA shows more than ever why our soon to be submitted infrastructure plan must be approved quickly. Seven trillion dollars spent in the Middle East while our roads, bridges, tunnels, railways (and more) crumble! Not for long!

Ten minutes later, an afterthought:

My thoughts and prayers are with everyone involved in the train accident in DuPont, Washington.

Museum of Bad StartsEdit

The Dairy of Anne Frank
Anne Frank
The Veggies of Anne Frank

Museum of Thank You, Jesus!Edit

"The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice."
"God is always in control." – You got that right, you stupid cracker.
When you lie with dogs, you get up with fleas.

Museum of Publish or PerishEdit

From the article Roy Shaw – and be sure to click the link:

Shaw routinely stabbed police informers and even slashed the throat of a former best friend while incarcerated owing to his strong belief in an honour code amongst criminals which must not be broken.

Museum of Wrong Line of WorkEdit

From "Murder by the Book", an episode of the uplifting crime series The Perfect Murder:

Narrator: As a young adult, Dan decides to rob a bank, but makes a serious mistake.

Retired D.A.: He passed a note to the bank teller, ya know, give me the money or I'll shoot you – whathaveyou. And, uh... he left the bank... and he left the note... and on the other side of the note was his deposit slip... with his name and address and phone number.

Museum of Naughty, Naughty Advertising CopywritersEdit

====> Captions invited <====

An Admin showing a group of new editors how to write a featured article. - L293D ( • ) 19:18, 29 June 2018 (UTC)

Museum of Arbs on the Verge of a Nervous BreakdownEdit

Museum of AfflictionsEdit

From our friends at National Geographic:

Minor strokes that killed off cells in one small area on the right side of the brain seemed to trigger "gourmand syndrome" in 34 patients reported in a 1997 Neurology journal study. They lost interest in their careers – as a tennis pro or political writer, for example – and devoted themselves instead to fine dining.

Museum of Just Kidding!Edit

Museum of The Show Must Go OnEdit

An incident on the set of a 1958 edition of Armchair Theatre illustrates the perverse extremes of professionalism that television actors were expected to exhibit. The... cast included Warren Mitchell, Donald Houston, Peter Bowles, and a young Welsh actor named Gareth Jones. "During transmission," recalls Bowles, "a little group of us was talking on camera while awaiting the arrival of Gareth Jones's character, who had some information for us. We could see him coming up towards us, and he was going to arrive on cue, but we saw him drop, we saw him fall. We had no idea what had happened, but he certainly wasn't coming our way. The actors, including me, started making up lines: 'I'm sure if So-and-so were here he would say...'" Jones had suffered a fatal heart attack – but rather than informing the actors of their colleague's death and ceasing transmission of the play, the producers decided to let them stumble on to the end. [71]

Museum of Rock BottomEdit

From the article on Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, former star of The Jersey Shore: 

On June 17, 2014, Sorrentino was arrested for assault after a fight at a tanning salon in Middletown Township, New Jersey ... In August of [2011], Sorrentino was offered a "substantial" sum of money by fashion retailer Abercrombie & Fitch not to wear the company's clothes.

Museum of Bad Acid TripsEdit

From the article on Xenu, who in the cosmology of Scientology was "the dictator of the 'Galactic Confederacy' who 75 million years ago brought billions of his people to Earth (then known as 'Teegeeack') in DC-8-like spacecraft, stacked them around volcanoes, and killed them with hydrogen bombs." Scientologists actually believe this – at least those willing to pay the $100,000 required to get to the "level" at which you're allowed to learn such esoterica. Please note that this passage has been placed in the Museums in admiration of its rococo creativity, not to imply that it's any more outlandish than a talking snake, a guy nailed to a cross coming back from the dead, or the ideas that what God really wants you to do is cut off a bit of your son's penis and/or bundle up your women from head to toe like the Elephant Man:

Xenu was about to be deposed from power, so he devised a plot to eliminate the excess population from his dominions. With the assistance of psychiatrists, he gathered billions of his citizens under the pretense of income tax inspections, then paralyzed them and froze them in a mixture of alcohol and glycol to capture their souls. The kidnapped populace was loaded into spacecraft for transport to the site of extermination, the planet of Teegeeack (Earth). The appearance of these spacecraft would later be subconsciously expressed in the design of the Douglas DC-8, the only difference being that "the DC8 had fans, propellers on it and the space plane didn't". When they had reached Teegeeack, the paralyzed citizens were unloaded around the bases of volcanoes across the planet. Hydrogen bombs were then lowered into the volcanoes and detonated simultaneously, killing all but a few aliens.

Hubbard described the scene in his film script, Revolt in the Stars:

Simultaneously, the planted charges erupted. Atomic blasts ballooned from the craters of Loa, Vesuvius, Shasta, Washington, Fujiyama, Etna, and many, many others. Arching higher and higher, up and outwards, towering clouds mushroomed, shot through with flashes of flame, waste and fission. Great winds raced tumultuously across the face of Earth, spreading tales of destruction...

The now-disembodied victims' souls, which Hubbard called thetans, were blown into the air by the blast. They were captured by Xenu's forces using an "electronic ribbon" ("which also was a type of standing wave") and sucked into "vacuum zones" around the world. The hundreds of billions of captured thetans were taken to a type of cinema, where they were forced to watch a "three-D, super colossal motion picture" for thirty-six days. This implanted what Hubbard termed "various misleading data"' (collectively termed the R6 implant) into the memories of the hapless thetans, "which has to do with God, the Devil, space opera, etcetera". This included all world religions; Hubbard specifically attributed Roman Catholicism and the image of the Crucifixion to the influence of Xenu. The two "implant stations" cited by Hubbard were said to have been located on Hawaii and Las Palmas in the Canary Islands.

In addition to implanting new beliefs in the thetans, the images deprived them of their sense of personal identity. When the thetans left the projection areas, they started to cluster together in groups of a few thousand, having lost the ability to differentiate between each other. Each cluster of thetans gathered into one of the few remaining bodies that survived the explosion. These became what are known as body thetans, which are said to be still clinging to and adversely affecting everyone except Scientologists who have performed the necessary steps to remove them.

A government faction known as the Loyal Officers finally overthrew Xenu and his renegades, and locked him away in "an electronic mountain trap" from which he has not escaped. Although the location of Xenu is sometimes said to be the Pyrenees on Earth, this is actually the location Hubbard gave elsewhere for an ancient "Martian report station". Teegeeack was subsequently abandoned by the Galactic Confederacy and remains a pariah "prison planet" to this day, although it has suffered repeatedly from incursions by alien "Invader Forces" since that time.

Followup: Museum of Ouch! That Must Have Stung!Edit

From a rear admiral's fitness report on US Navy Lieutenant Lafayette Ronald Hubbard, who during WWII had managed to wander his ship into Mexican waters and fire on islands where Mexican troops were garrisoned. In later life Hubbard liked to style himself the "Commodore" of Scientology's "Sea Org":

Consider this officer lacking in the essential qualities of judgment, leadership and cooperation. He acts without forethought as to probable results. He is believed to have been sincere in his efforts to make his ship efficient and ready. Not considered qualified for command or promotion at this time. Recommend duty on a large vessel where he can be properly supervised.

Museum of Probably Safe to SayEdit

From "The Dating Game Killer", an episode of the enlightening television series Murder Made Me Famous:

Cheryl has just picked Rodney Alcala as her date on The Dating Game. She has no idea that she has selected a serial killer, and that she may be his next potential victim.

Museum of Artful IdlingEdit

From Tom Hodgkinson, "Idleness and Industry":

A characteristic of the idler's work is that it looks suspiciously like play. This, again, makes the non-idler feel uncomfortable. Victims of the Protestant work ethic would like all work to be unpleasant. They feel that work is a curse, that we must suffer on this earth to earn our place in the next. The idler, on the other hand, sees no reason not to use his brain to organise a life for himself where his play is his work, and so attempt to create his own little paradise in the here and now.

Museum of Much-Needed GapsEdit

From an unintentionally (I presume) insulting comment on an editor's user page:

StuRat your absence from the Reference Desks will be missed.

Museum of a Rock and a Hard PlaceEdit

From "Appendix: Plot Synopses of Traditional Ballads Most Commonly Found in the United States and Canada", in Folk Music: A Regional Exploration (Cohen, 2005):

H23. "The Old Maid and the Burglar" (by E. S. Thilp, originally "Burglar Man"). 1897: Surprised by a returning old maid, a burglar slips under the bed and watches her remove her glass eye, wig, wooden leg, and so on. She hauls him out and threatens to shoot him if he doesn't marry her; he begs her to shoot.

Museum of Exciting CareersEdit

From Wikipedia's plot summary for the Alan Hailey novel Overload (1979), "concerning the electricity production industry in California... described from the point of view of vice-president of Golden State Power and Light, Nimrod 'Nim' Goldman":

Noticing that a worker on the furnace feed conveyor was in danger, Nim instinctively runs down to the plant floor and saves the man from otherwise certain death. A comely young lady who is part of the group saw what happened and decides she wants to invite herself into Nim's bed and offer him sex as a thank you for what he did. When Nim is back in his bedroom a woman slips in, and he discovers it's not the lady who propositioned him, it's the wife of one of the executives of the Colorado electric company where he is staying, who asks Nim to impregnate her so she can have a child. (The other executive had privately admitted to Nim that he is "shooting blanks", i.e. infertile and unable to get his wife pregnant.) Then, later, the lady who originally wanted to bed Nim arrives, and is able to get Nim to have sex with her as well.

The think group, using coded incoming mail, finally arrest David Birdsong and expose Georgos. Georgos attempts to bomb Big Lil, but he is killed by the pump's turbine blades. The plant manager, noticing that someone had gotten into the reservoir, realizes that if the plant is bombed while it is operating, the damage would put the plant out of operation for months, but a bomb when the plant is shut down would only cause minor damage, chooses to shut the plant down, causing a major power shortage. Georgo's corpse floats up after the turbines stop, essentially confirming the manager's concern. This shut down, however, causes a major blackout throughout the region. Karen Sloan dies after her respirator fails due to this power outage. Nim discovers his wife is dying of cancer, and the novel ends as Nim finally befriends Nancy Molineaux and visits her at her house as she offers Nim a one-time opportunity to be her lover.

Museum of Now That You Mention ItEdit

From List of Mission: Impossible characters:

Cinnamon Carter's role as an IMF agent was that of "femme fatale" and "woman in distress". In her IMF dossier, she was noted as being a successful model, and the dossier scenes during her three seasons on the show showed at least three different magazine covers on which she was featured. How a famous international cover model failed to be recognized as such during a mission was never explained.

Museum of Incoherent CounselEdit

From a letter sent to news outlets by personal-injury lawyer Trenton R. Garmon, who for some reason is representing Roy Moore, the Alabama candidate for US Senate accused of molesting teenage girls:

Your client's organization has made and/or supported defaming statements. This is due to the careless and/or intentionally refused to advance the truth regarding our clients. We also believe that your client, by and through its agents, have damaged our clients by being careless in how they handled headlines and report the contextual of the allegations.

Meaning your client has used terms in reports maliciously or carelessly which is falsely portraying our clients.

Thus, do note this clearly, yet significant difference which your client's publications(s) have failed to distinguish. And the legal requirements that your client retract the stories, to include the details which clearly are false.

We believe it is clear and convincing your client consciously and deliberately engaged in oppression, fraud, wantonness, and/or malice and again as stated above we do requested a retraction.

Museum of Somehow That FitsEdit

From the typsetting note in The Works of Mark Twain (v. 3, 1993 ed.):

The text of this book is set in Trump Mediaeval...

Related item, from 1984, "The Principles of Newspeak":

The intention was to make speech, and especially speech on any subject not ideologically neutral, as nearly as possible independent of consciousness. For the purposes of everyday life it was no doubt necessary, or sometimes necessary, to reflect before speaking, but a Party member called upon to make a political or ethical judgment should be able to spray forth the correct opinions as automatically as a machine-gun spraying forth bullets. His training fitted him to do this, the language gave him an almost fool-proof instrument, and the texture of words, with their harsh sound and a certain wilful ugliness which as in accord with the spirit of Ingsoc, assisted the process still further.

So did the fact of having very few words to choose from... Ultimately it was hoped to make articulate speech issue from the larynx without involving the higher brain centres at all.

Museum of OopsEdit

From the article on the Star Trek episode "The City on the Edge of Forever":

The episode went over budget by more than $50,000 and overran the production schedule. Mistakes were made in the set design with an instruction for "runes" misconstrued as a request for "ruins".

Museum of Clever IPsEdit

Read the article names from the bottom up: [72]

Museum of Gone to that Great Blueberry Hill in the SkyEdit

Fats Domino (1928–2017)
Aretha Franklin (1942–2018)

Museum of I Shouldn't Laugh but I DidEdit

From a discussion of a deceased Wikipedia's userpage:

I can't help noticing, though, that the juxtaposition of items at the top of his user page just now is a bit jarring [73]. EEng 19:59, 24 October 2017 (UTC)

Oh're right. When I was a kid, Mom would tell me to put on clean underwear before I left the house. Now that I'm a Wikipedian and rarely leave the house, I just have to make sure my user page is clean. Atsme📞📧 20:32, 24 October 2017 (UTC)

Museum of Adults OnlyEdit

Perhaps my most daring edit ever, unfortunately (or possibly fortunately) now part of a block of revdels [74].

Museum of Discreetly Left to the Reader's ImaginationEdit

From the article Gerald Haxton:

Military policemen, whilst looking for deserters, had burst into the hotel room of Haxton and Lindsell to find them committing a homosexual act that was not buggery.

Museum of Cruel to Be KindEdit

From a discussion of civility at Wikipedia talk:Administrators' noticeboard:

Would, for example, one occurrence of "bizarre and hypocritical" warrant a sanction regardless of the surrounding circumstances? I like your idea of resurrecting WP:WQA, as a sort of honeypot. Once all the people who would answer yes to that question have congregated there we could quietly lock the door from the outside. They might never notice. I kid, obviously, but if you want to "enforce civility" that's certainly not the sort of thing you'd start by addressing. -- Begoon 7:13 am, Today (UTC−4)

Museum of Polite RequestsEdit

If you believe in "gun rights", please drop dead. Thank you for your cooperation.

Museum of My Smart Little NephewEdit

My nephew just entered second grade, and he's smart as a whip. For your enjoyment:
  • [The logical mind at work early...] "You told me to say library not libary, so how come it's not strawbrerry?
  • [Next day...] "The lady in charge of the library is a librarian, so the lady in charge of strawberries is a strawberrian!"
  • [Halfway through The Wizard of Oz, he turns to me with suspicion in his eyes...] "Wait a second! Is this all a dream???"

Museum of If Mark Twain Had Been a GynecologistEdit

Pessary: A device worn in the vagina to support the uterus, remedy a malposition, or prevent conception. Certain other terms, such as refractory uterus, I dared not look up, and we can only hope that the phrase Eureka vaginal irrigators is unrelated to e.g. the respected purveyors of floor cleaning equipment.
From W.N. Bryant, M.D. (Chester, Vt.). "Advances in Gynaecology". Transactions of the Vermont Medical Society for the Year 1885, pp. 77-81:

It is undeniable that gynaecology is a seductive study; that while a lively interest attaches to all branches of our art, a certain weird kind of fascination seems to envelop this, which does not obtain in other departments. As proof of this, I would refer you to the vast amount of human ingenuity and inventive genius being expended in the vain pursuit of an ideal pessary. Why this is so I am unable to explain, unless it be that same irresistible interest which always envelopes the mysterious and hitherto unattainable.

Apropos of this, I am tempted to moralize a little, and to suggest that the interest manifesting in the solution of the mysterious is not always commensurate with the result to be obtained, even in the case of success. For instance, many lives and much treasure have been sacrificed in attempts to reach the frozen pole. But when these attempts shall finally be crowned with success, it is by no means certain that this portion of our globe will ever become popular, whether as a health resort or for agricultural purposes. So I have sometimes wondered if, when some enthusiastic devotee shall discover the gyn­ae­co­log­i­cal Utopia by inventing the truly ideal, never-failing, self-adjusting, non-irritating, non-corrosive, non-combative, self-satisfying pessary – if, I say, after all – there will be left no more worlds for the enterprising specialist to conquer.

If advancement is to be measured by the number of such instruments brought forth in a given time, the past year can make a very creditable showing. Had I supposed it would devolve upon me to prepare this report, I would have made note of these articles and thus have been able to describe them seriatim. As it is, memory must be trusted. My notice has been called, per circular and otherwise, to about an equal number of new specula, ideal pessaries and Eureka vaginal irrigators, and, after some deliberation, I place the gross number at nine hundred and thirty-seven. (This report has not been audited, and is subject to correction.) Each of these instruments was warranted to fill a long felt want, which no doubt they would do, provided sufficient of them were sold to pay the inventors. I have made a little calculation, from which it appears that, if any of us was so fortunate to have safely in bank the retail price of each different instrument that has been devised to torture a refractory uterus into a state of moderate conservatism, we would have no further necessity for practicing either gynaecology or economy for the remainder of life.

Museum of great quotesEdit

"I don't like the symbolism of burning the flag ... It would be better for demonstrators to wash the flag, rather than burn it." – Norman Thomas

Museum of Warning! Do Not Travel to Bratislava!Edit

From Public toilets in Bratislava:

Under communism, the tradition of public toilets formed, which influences the city to this day. Public toilets were separated by sex, entrances being guarded by notoriously ill-tempered restroom ladies. The client would disclose whether he needed to urinate or defecate, and he would be charged accordingly, the latter costing more. Finally, the client was issued his limited share of toilet paper, sometimes with an embarrassing negotiation regarding the need for more.

Partial list of public toilets in BratislavaEdit

Kamenné Námestie / Námestie SNP. Closed for years because of groundwater leakage.

Pedestrian underpass Trnavské mýto. Partially devastated.

Karloveská Street (Karlova Ves) Devastated, closed for some 15 years.

Pedestrian underpass Hodžovo námestie. Accessible to the handicapped with effort.

Museum of Someone's Not Paying AttentionEdit

Entry published (incredible as it may seem) in the Fiftieth Reunion Class Report for Harvard College's Class of 1962, based on information submitted by the alumnus in question himself:

Theodore John Kaczynski
Home address: No. 04475-046, US Penitentiary-Max, P.O. Box 8500, Florence, CO 8126-8500.
Occupation: Prisoner.
House/Dorm: Eliot.
Degrees: AB '62; MA Univ. of Michigan '65; PhD, ibid. '67.
Publications: Technological Slavery (Feral House, 2010).
Awards: Eight life sentences, issued by the United States District Court for the Eastern District of California, 1998.[75]

Museum of Upholders of Traditional ValuesEdit

From the article on Kim Davis, the not-overbright county clerk who believes that marriage is the inviolable union of one man and one woman:

Davis has been married four times to three different men. The first three marriages ended in divorce in 1994, 2006, and 2008. Davis is the mother of twin sons, who were born five months after her divorce from her first husband. Her third husband is the biological father of the twins who were adopted by her second husband,

Museum of science humorEdit

From a discussion of problems stemming from the many people gathering to view the August 21, 2017 solar eclipse:

The demand for portable toilets will be "astronomical".

Museum of Bears with Opposable ThumbsEdit

From the computer-generated (let us hope) subtitles to a true-crime detective program. Some hikers have found a body:

The body sports a baffling array of grizzly injuries. She has a plastic bag over her head.

Museum of Lonely DissentEdit

If evils will result from the commingling of the two races upon public highways established for the benefit of all, they will infinitely less than those that will surely come from state legislation regulating the enjoyment of civil rights upon the basis of race. We boast of the freedom enjoyed by our people above all other peoples. But it is difficult to reconcile that boast with the state of the law which, practically, puts the brand of servitude and degradation upon a large class of our fellow citizens, our equals before the law. The thin disguise of "equal" accommodations for passengers in railroad coaches will not mislead anyone, nor atone for the wrong this day done... John Marshall Harlan, dissenting in Plessy v. Ferguson (1896)

Museum of That's Much BetterEdit

A correction in the New York Times, June 23, 2017:

An earlier version of this graphic included an incorrect total for the number of days Donald Trump told a lie during his first two months as president. It was 20, not 25.

Museum of Erudition and InsightEdit

Museum of NepotismEdit

From a strangely telling statement (August 12, 2017) by a (spellcheck-challenged) "unidentified White House spokesperson":

The president said very strongly in his statement yesterday that he condemns all forms of violence, bigotry, and hatred and of course that includes white supremacists, KKK, nephew-nazi and all extremist groups.

Museum of Startling Talk Page Section HeadingsEdit

From [76]:
Please unblock Vagina

Museum of MalpracticeEdit

"That surgeon you hired to sew my head back on was a quack."

Museum of Clouded Crystal BallsEdit

From a Citizendium user talk page:

Ro, Are you interested in helping set up a Manual of Style for Citizendium? There have been previous discussion in the past on this but like everything else, nothing came of it. Meg Ireland 14:44, 30 September 2013

I certainly would, yes. Indeed it's been something I've been thinking about recently. We should broadly follow Wikipedia. Ro Thorpe 17:24, 30 September 2013
Wikipedia is in decline. Meg Ireland 22:09, 10 November 2013

From the article Citizendium:

In November 2016, a referendum was held to abolish the governing Citizendium Charter and the Council in favour of Wikipedia-style discussion and consensus. It attracted nine votes, and was passed. A new Managing Editor was to be elected at the same time, but there were no nominations.

Museum of Congressmen! Choose Your Weapons!Edit

Republican lawmakers introduce duel versions of bill
From the CNN "crawl", July 20, 2017:

Wiping out the rule would affect tens of millions of Americans who often don't know they are covered by an arbitration clause when they sign up for a credit card or checking account. Today Republican lawmakers in House & Senate introduced duel versions of bill to ax the rule.

Museum of Frustrated Elite Masters of StyleEdit

Apparently stimulated by a difference of opinion on an article talk page [77] (extra points for confusion of hyphen with dash, mismatch between singular half-wit and plural their skulls, etc.):

... (most of whom couldn't write any decent prose if their lives depended on it - the second-rate drivel they spew out looks and feels like it's been done by a half-wit with a metal bar through their skulls).

Museum of WiseacresEdit

From "Policemen's Hats and Coats Stolen in Hotel As Members of Glee Club Give a Concert", The New York Times, April 28, 1933, p. 19:

Ten patrolmen, an acting police lieutenant and Deputy Chief Inspector John J. O'Connell searched the Hotel Astor last night for two coats and four hats taken by sneak thieves while their policemen owners were singing in the Rose Room. The discovery of the loss was made as ten members of the Police Glee Club finished their last number, "Smile, Darn You, Smile," before more than 100 members of the La Salle Academy Alumni Society, who were holding their annual dinner.

The hats and coats, which had been used to cover the regulation uniforms of the men, who had just gone off duty, had been thrown hurriedly on chairs in an anteroom just outside the room in which the dinner took place, and in view of the singing officers. Fifteen minutes later four angry glee club members discovered their loss at practically the same moment.

Acting Lieutenant Patrick Fitzgibbons and Deputy Chief Inspector O'Connor were called from the dais where they sat as honored guests. The head waiter, the manager and two bus boys were called. One of the bus boys suggested that "we better call the police."

Museum of AnthropologyEdit

From the article Theories of humor:

Evolutionary psychologist Geoffrey Miller contends that, from an evolutionary perspective, humour would have had no survival value to early humans living in the savannas of Africa.

Museum of The Wacky World of WikivoyageEdit

From Wikivoyage's page on North America (which I cannot recommend too highly):

Fake Irish pubs may seem tacky to those who have been to the real thing, but they are a genuine part of the landscape in the U.S. and Canada and are often among the most popular bars in town. If you're in a major American city on St. Patrick's day, a visit to one of these establishments is a must.

As rabies is almost always fatal once symptoms show have a rabies vaccination before you head out and get to a doctor as soon as possible if you are bitten.

Museum of StatisticsEdit

From "Statistics of California for 1868-69", in The Alta California Pacific Coast and Trans-Continental Rail-Road Guide (1871):

Alameda County: Number of Homes, 8689; Number of Cows, 5603; Number of Mules, 946; Number of Asses, 7

Museum of Well SaidEdit

From a post by Beyond My Ken at ANI, responding to the assertion that "instead of adopting a more central/middle-ground view, WP presents a more leftist view due to a combination of what are considered reliable sources, and a combination of experienced editors on the site editing in these areas that average out to a leftist view":

The so-called "liberal media" is biased towards reality, and the alt-right is biased towards anything that supports their ideology, which is, generally speaking, not reality-based. We are an encyclopedia, therefore we reflect reality, not any ideology. The right sees this and says "Ah, see, Wikipedia is supporting what the liberal media says, therefore Wikipedia is biased towards the left," but that's only because they see things through the filter of their POV, while we do our very best not to be biased towards anything except what is real and verifiable. The alt-right media are not, for the most part, reliable sources, since they have been shown to have been wrong again and again and again, and have an overall tendency to report whatever they believe, regardless of its relationship to reality. Thus we are forced to use reality-based media, which the alt-right sees as liberal or "leftist", which is actually ridiculous, since no mainstream American media outlet is anywhere near being left-wing -- but, then, the alt-right makes no differentiation between "liberal" and "leftist".

In short, it is wrong to point the finger at Wikipedia as being the genesis of the problem, which originates in the minds of the ideologues of the right. There is no "leftist view" to Wikipedia, that's an artifact totally created in the perceptions of rightists. Our viewpoint is centrist, just as that of the "liberal media" is. The fault is not in us, it is in those who cannot differentiate their ideology from reality.

Museum of Thoughts While Watching CNNEdit

"One of the painful things about our time is that those who feel certainty are stupid, and those with any imagination and understanding are filled with doubt and indecision." – Bertrand Russell

  • Or in the words of William Butler Yeats, "The best lack all conviction, while the worst / Are full of passionate intensity". Most poignant of all is perhaps this poetic Swedish version: "Varför är den gode dum? Varför är den kloke ond? Varför är allt en trasa?" (Carl Jonas Love Almqvist, 1793 – 1866). The "Why is everything a cloth?" part that Google Translate will supply if you ask it, is the very heart of Almqvist's famous aphorism. —Bishonen

Museum of Unlikely MatchupsEdit

From a recent discussion on a certain Arb's talk page:

You can't put a peach emoji up against Swift or Martin Luther.

Followup fragment:

...the peach emoji no longer being shaped like a butt...

Museum of Culinary CopsEdit

From the closed captions (presumably computer-generated) accompanying "The Gentleman Killer", an episode of The ID Channel's series A Crime to Remember. A retired New York police detective is describing‍—‌in a heavy, heavy Brooklyn accent‍—‌the tireless efforts of Detective Burns to crack the case:

Burns works the street. He sweats his sauces.

.... Bronx Fugu, anyone?? – A Man Inverts

Museum of Wet 'N WildEdit

Photograph on display at The Typewriter: An Innovation in Writing, an exhibition of SFO Museum, "the only accredited museum in an airport":
Actual caption: "Woman with Corona typewriter in shower, 1922"
The Curator is offering a prize for the best answer to the question, "Why in the world would someone be typing in the shower?"
  • Sample answer: "She was writing a letter dripping with sarcasm." EEng 17:56, 29 May 2017 (UTC)
Not a caption, but judging from the children in the background, the photo might have been taken in a country with a tropical climate, and the shower stalls might have been the coolest place in the building (it's even possible that the stalls had no ceiling); the feet of the woman who is typing are wet, so she might have first cooled her feet with water before sitting down to type.  – Corinne (talk) 18:05, 29 May 2017 (UTC)
  • Headline reads, Hot off the press - the ink is still wet! At which time the editor told the journalist to dry up. Atsme📞📧 23:08, 29 May 2017 (UTC)
  • "One of Dame Barbara's early attempts to write those "hot and steamy" passages." Martinevans123 (talk) 19:14, 14 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Gentlemen of America: Set up Your Typing Pool anywhere.[FBDB] - Adam37 Talk 22:21, 16 September 2017 (UTC)
I'm not sure I get the "Gentlemen" reference, but your typing pool idea is brilliant. EEng 00:04, 17 September 2017 (UTC)
  • Because the bathtub was already occupied. --A D Monroe III(talk) 22:22, 16 November 2017 (UTC)
  • ”Mechanically superior to the very best water resistant quad-core smartphone, the Corona continues to produce readable text even after it has slipped out of your jeans pocket and landed in the toilet. The precision engineered Corona will allow editors to continue to revert vandalism during the next deluge. Each machine comes with a lifetime supply of waterproof paper and typewriter ribbon (red/black).” Clappingsimon (talk) 14:08, 2 June 2018 (UTC)

Museum of Excerpts from Novels I Didn't Finish ReadingEdit

From the 2008 novel, Alive in Necropolis, by Doug Dorst – and yes it's that Phineas Gage:

I entered the building and found two individuals inside along with several old-fashioned airplanes in various stages of construction. I recognized one individual as Phineas Gage... According to Mr. Gage, Mr. Beachey faulted himself for encouraging her to go roller-skating unaccompaned, telling her it would be safe for her to do so, and for failing generally to keep her safe. As we spoke, Mr. Gage was hit by a piece of an engine that I think may have been a carburetor.

Museum of Plot Summaries We Didn't Finish ReadingEdit

From the article on the science-fiction film Zardoz, in which Sean Connery appears as Zed, "the last man capable of an erection" wearing "a red nappy, knee-high leather boots, pony tail and Zapata moustache":

Genetic analysis reveals he is the ultimate result of long-running eugenics experiments devised by Arthur Frayn—who is Zardoz—who controlled the outlands with the Exterminators, thus coercing the Brutals to supply the Vortices with grain. Zardoz's aim was to breed a superman who would penetrate the Vortex and save mankind from its hopelessly stagnant status quo. The women's analysis of Zed's mental images earlier had revealed that in the ruins of the old world Arthur Frayn first encouraged Zed to learn to read, then led him to the book The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.

Museum of Sustainable PracticesEdit

From the article Panama Canal Railway:

Disease and exhaustion took a heavy toll on workers, in part because the connection between mosquitoes and malaria would not be discovered for another 40 years. The Panama Canal Railroad Company sold the corpses to medical schools abroad, using the income to maintain the company hospital.

Museum of Possessive RabbisEdit

From The Chicago Manual of Style Online's Q&A page:

Q. My question is about the proper font of a boat name as a possessive as in “the Ibis’s lower decks.” CMOS 8.115 says italics for the boat’s name; 6.2 specifies the use of italics when the punctuation is part of the word. This seems a Talmudic moment. Thanks.

A. Ah – although the boat name is properly in italics, the apostrophe and s are not, because they are not actually part of the name. Please see 7.28. Shalom.

Museum of Indiscriminate BibliographiesEdit

From Keynes, A Treatise on Probability:

I have not read all these books myself, but I have read more of them than it would be good for any one to read again. There are here enumerated many dead treatises and ghostly memoirs. The list is too long, and I have not always successfully resisted the impulse to add to it in the spirit of a collector. There are not above a hundred of these which it would be worth while to preserve – if only it were securely ascertained which these hundred are. At present a bibliographer takes pride in numerous entries; but he would be a more useful fellow, and the labours of research would be lightened, if he could practise deletion and bring into existence an accredited Index Expurgatorius.

Museum of Mark TwainEdit

From Mark Twain, "The Unconscious Community of Genius":

Well, of course, I wrote Doctor Holmes and told him I hadn’t meant to steal, and he wrote back and said in the kindest way that it was all right and no harm done; and added that he believed we all unconsciously worked over ideas gathered in reading and hearing, imagining they were original with ourselves. He stated a truth, and did it in such a pleasant way, and salved over my sore spot so gently and healingly, that I was rather glad I had committed the crime, for the sake of the letter.

Museum of Yet More MOSsy ThoughtsEdit

From a comment by the ever-wise Herostratus at Talk:MOS [78]:

Possibly the best solution would be a line at the beginning of each article containing a couple dozen commas, and also some semicolons, quotation marks, and so forth. The reader could then be instructed to mentally sprinkle them throughout the text in whatever manner she finds pleasing.

Museum of Tipping PointsEdit

Museum of YummyEdit

From the article Pontefract cake (apparently a kind of candy) – which includes this image:

The term "cake" has a long history. The word itself is of Viking origin, from the Old Norse word "kaka".

Museum of Leaden IronyEdit

From the change history for the article Linotype machine:

(cur | prev)     🔘  03:01, May 11, 2017Benh57 (User_talk:Benh57|talk | contribs)‎ m . . (28,937 bytes) (-1)‎ . . (typo) (undo | thank)

Museum of And Some People Say There's No Such Thing as ReincarnationEdit

"I shall return!"

Museum of Wish I'd Thought of That (Gendered Obscenity Edition)Edit

Hatnote at the top of the article Cockblock:

Not to be confused with Stopcock.

Museum of What Could Possibly Go Wrong? (redux)Edit

From Ma Anand Sheela:

Sheela attempted to influence the Wasco County Court's November election and capture the two open seats by busing in hundreds of homeless people from within Oregon as well as outside, and registering them as county voters. Later, when that effort failed, Sheela conspired, in 1984, to use "bacteria and other methods to make people ill" and prevent them from voting. As a result, the salad bars at ten local restaurants were infected with salmonella and about 750 people became ill ...

For these crimes Sheela was sentenced to three, 20 year terms in federal prison, to be served concurrently ... In December 1988, she was released on good behavior after serving twenty-nine months of her 20-year sentence and moved to Switzerland. Sheela married Swiss resident, Urs Birnstiel, a fellow Rajneesh follower. There she bought and managed two nursing homes.

Answer to the question: What could possibly go wrong?

In 1999 she was convicted by a Swiss court for "criminal acts preparatory to the commission of murder" but did not serve any prison time.

Museum of Amusing AnecdotesEdit

Turnspit dog at work
From the article on Turnspit dogs – dogs trained to run in a kind of squirrel-cage to turn roasting meat on a spit:

The dogs were also taken to church to serve as foot warmers. One story says that during service at a church in Bath, the Bishop of Gloucester gave a sermon and uttered the line "It was then that Ezekiel saw the wheel...". At the mention of the word wheel several turnspit dogs, who had been brought to church as foot warmers, ran for the door.

Museum of The Curse of the Global ReplaceEdit

From "Honey bee revealed in genome code" (Associated Press, October 25, 2006):

LONDON (Reuters) – Scientists have unraveled the genetic code of the honey bee, uncovering clues about its complex social behavior, heightened sense of smell and African origins. It is the third insect to have its genome mapped and joins the fruit fly and mosquito in the exclusive club.

The honey bee, or Apis mellifera, evolved more slowly than the other insects but has more genes related to smell. "In biology and biomedicine, honey bees are used to study many diverse areas, including allergic diseases, development, gerontology, neuroscience, social behavior and venom toxicology," said Gene Robinson, director of the University of Illinois Bee Research Facility and one of the leaders of the project. "The honey bee genome project is ushering in a bright era of bee research for the benefit of agriculture, biological research and human health," he added.

With its highly evolved social structure of tens of thousands of worker bees commanded by Queen Elizabeth, the honey bee genome could also improve the search for genes linked to social behavior. But the consortium of scientists, who reported the findings in the journal Nature, said a comprehensive analysis of the honey bee and other species will be needed to understand its social life.

Queen Elizabeth has 10 times the lifespan of workers and lays up to 2,000 eggs a day. Despite having tiny brains, honey bees display honed cognitive abilities and learn to associate a flower's color, shape, and scent with food, which increases its foraging ability.

Museum of Just In Case You Think It Can't Really HappenEdit

From "Oaklanders Who Refuse to Display Flag Face Arrest", The San Francisco Chronicle April 15, 1917 (p.40):

Failure of Oaklanders to display flags in their homes, places of business and on their vehicles and attempts to hold meetings to protest against local men going to European trenches will result in jail sentences, according to an edict issued by Mayor John L. Davie. The Mayor added that the mass meeting planned for Monday night by the Women’s Home Protective League as a demonstration against sending troops to the trenches will not be permitted. The edict, in part, follows:

To the People of Oakland: The Oakland city charter gives the Mayor the control of the Police department in perilous times such as these, and I give warning to the lukewarm citizens that I will exercise this authority to the extreme letter of the law. ... Unless the citizens of the city immediately respond to the call for a manifestation of their allegiance to this country, and unless the agitators ... cease their activity, they will all be arrested and interned as enemies of our country. This is the last word. Display your flags. Take no part in any demonstrations that in any way seek to undermine the dictates of our government.
Very truly yours, John L. Davie

Museum of Better Reword That (Redux)Edit

From the article on barrister Robert Rinder:

Rinder was called to the bar in 2001 after graduating from the University of Manchester, starting his pupillage at 2 Paper Buildings after going straight from University into law because of his double first. Rinder then became a tenant at 2 Hare Court. He went on to specialise in international fraud, money laundering and other forms of financial crime.

Museum of You Can't Always Tell a Harvard ManEdit

From Richard Bradley, Harvard Rules: The Struggle for the Soul of the World's Most Powerful University (2011):

In 1960 the faculty voted to publish Harvard diplomas in English rather than the traditional Latin, and a horde of cranky undergraduates descended on Loeb House, then the president's residence. "Latin Si, Pusey No", the students chanted. The president came out of his house and addressed the crowd‍—‌in Latin. Since virtually none of the students had any idea what he was saying, the protest quickly fizzled.

The Curator, in all honestly, has reason to believe this anecdote may be not be completely accurate, but it's too good not to pass on.

Museum of God's Metaphors for the Trump AdministrationEdit

Museum of Failure to LaunchEdit

From a letter threatening a $1 billion lawsuit against librarian Jeffrey Beall for his activities in identifying predatory open access publishers:

Let us at the outset warn you that this is a very perilous journey for you and you will be completely exposing yourself to serious legal implications including criminal cases lunched against you in INDIA and USA.

Followup joke

Most people recall deranged serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, and some may be vaguely aware that he was killed in a prison fight. So...

Q: What's the insult that got Jeffrey Dahmer into the big fight in which he was killed?
A: "Get lost! I used to eat guys like you for breakfast!"

Museum of Fixed GazesEdit

From Alison Martino, "Vintage Los Angeles: The Tragedy of Hamburger Hamlet" Los Angeles Magazine (January 2, 2014):

A contract player for Warner Bros in the 40s, Harry is better remembered for Key Largo, which he stared in with Humphrey Bogart, Edward G Robinson, Lauren Bacall, and Claire Trevor.

Museum of The Varieties of Religious ExperienceEdit

From the article on Bliss Knapp, "an early Christian Science lecturer, practitioner, teacher and the author of The Destiny of the Mother Church":

Bliss Knapp's first lecture was given in White Mountains, New Hampshire, and was introduced by one of Mrs. Eddy's students, Miss Emma C. Shipman with whom only a few decades before, as a child, he had enjoyed an entertaining pillow fight.

Museum of AptonymyEdit

From the References section of Phineas Gage:

Tow, Peter Macdonald (1955). Personality changes following frontal leucotomy: a clinical and experimental study of the functions of the frontal lobes in man. With a foreword by Sir Russell Brain.

Museum of No Stone UnturnedEdit

From Murder of Bernard Oliver:

Police in the Bernard Oliver murder investigation announced their intention to interview all of the homosexual men in London.

Museum of Charming Old-World WaysEdit

From the article on Lenny Montana, who portrayed Luca Brasi in The Godfather: 

Montana became involved with the Colombo crime family in the late 1960s. Tall and very heavily built, his talents were mostly as an enforcer and an arsonist. He would tie a tampon to the tail of a mouse, dip it in kerosene, light it, and let the mouse run through a building, or he would put a candle in front of a cuckoo clock so that when the clock's bird would pop out the candle would be knocked over and start a fire.

Museum of The Nation Turns Its Lonely Eyes to YouEdit

From the article Warren Gulley:

He spent the next 11 years in charge of the White House Military Office, which was then responsible for the nuclear football, Air Force One, Marine One, the White House Communications Agency, and the White House Mess.

Comment: It's unfortunate Mr. Gulley is dead, since right now the White House could sure use someone with experience in that last area.

Museum of What a Way to GoEdit

From "Loss of Prominent Young Man Keenly Felt by Students" in the November 12, 1924 issue of Central Normal Life, the newspaper of Central Michigan Normal School:

His death resulted from injuries received while serving the United States in the World War. Being severely wounded in France while drinking hot chocolate ...

Museum of Be Prepared! (personal hygiene edition)Edit

From the article University of Texas Tower Shooting, describing the homicidal preparations made by Charles Whitman, a former United States Marine and (ahem) Eagle Scout:

Whitman sawed off the barrel and butt stock of the shotgun, then packed it into his footlocker along with a Remington 700 6-mm bolt-action hunting rifle, a .35-caliber pump rifle, a .30-caliber carbine (M1), a 9-mm Luger pistol, a Galesi-Brescia .25-caliber pistol, a Smith & Wesson M19 .357 Magnum revolver, and over 700 rounds of ammunition. He also packed food, coffee, vitamins, Dexedrine, Excedrin, earplugs, jugs of water, matches, lighter fluid, rope, binoculars, a machete, three knives, a transistor radio, toilet paper, a razor, and a bottle of deodorant.

Museum of Badges of HonorEdit

From Lady-in-waiting of the Imperial Court of Russia:

The Fräulein would only wear the Empress or Grand Duchess' initials in diamonds, pinned to their left shoulder. In the 18th century, some of them were granted the right to wear a goat in their hairdress.

Museum of That's My Story and I'm Sticking to ItEdit

From "WHISKEY WAS FOR BABY. Plea Entered by Charlestown Woman When Police Raided House." (The Boston Herald, May 20, 1907, p.12, c.3):

Claiming she kept whiskey mixed with cod liver oil on hand to feed her 8-month-old infant, Mrs. Jennie Lawless protested against the seizure of the liquor when her house at 5 Smith Street, Charlestown, was raided yesterday. Forty-five bottles of ale were also kept on hand, presumably for baby's use.

When asked to produce the cod liver oil which which she said she mixed the whiskey, Mrs. Lawless stated that unfortunately she was just out.

Museum of Monster in a BoxEdit

From a comment on user_talk:Oshwah:

The penitent line, "We have crated a Frankenstein" is still vivid in my memory.

Museum of the Dismal ScienceEdit

From positronic brain:

Specialized brains created for overseeing world economics were stated to have no personality at all.

Museum of Can You Top This?Edit

"You think that's creepy? I was married to Charles Manson..."

Museum of The Slippery Slope of Same-Sex MarriageEdit

From Lyle and Erik Menendez:

Since entering prison, both brothers have married.

Museum of Which Is Worse?Edit

From the "Criticism" section of the article on IKEA:
Verdana typeface

In 2009, IKEA changed the typeface used in its catalogue from Futura to Verdana...


Ikea was founded by a former Nazi...

Museum of UnmentionablesEdit

From an overhasty post, by the curator, at WP Talk:MOS:

There's no script that can even pretend to enforce V, NPOV, UNDIE, and so on.

Museum of Like ClockworkEdit

From a discussion of a proposal that editors receive admin privileges automatically after one year and 3000 mainspace edits. (Note: Newbies may not know the history required to appreciate this, and I'm certainly not gonna explain it. Sorry.)

365 days after that policy is implemented, probably to the minute, the block logs will explode. Mind you, we could always implement compression. The string "Eric Corbett" repeated 135 thousand times wouldn't take up that much space.

Museum of Seeing the Forest Instead of the TreesEdit

Excerpt (slightly adapted) from a post by Herostratus in a discussion of whether MOS should specifically command or forbid the italicization of indicators such as (left) and (right) in image captions e.g.
Albert Namatjira (right) with portraitist William Dargie
Albert Namatjira (right) with portraitist William Dargie

<- - - - versus - - - ->

This is certainly something that should be left up to the individual editor, for various good reasons.

  • One good reason is that... there is no one clear correct or better way.
  • A second good reason is that adding another needless rule bogs down the MOS with more detail and makes it harder to learn and harder to use.
  • A third good reason is that creating a rule means enforcement, it puts interactions about the matter into an enforcement mode where editors are playing rules cop with other editors and this is not as functional as peer-to-peer interactions.
  • A fourth good reason is that there's zero evidence that it matters to the reader.
  • A fifth good reason is that micromanaging editors to this level is demoralizing and not how you attract and nurture a staff of volunteer editors – for instance we have a stupid micromanaging rule that I have to write "in June 1940" and not "in June of 1940" which is how I naturally write, and every stupid micromanaging rule like this is just another reason to just say screw it. As the Bible says "Thou shalt not muzzle the ox that treadeth out the corn" (1 Timothy 5:18, paraphrased from Deuteronomy 25:4) which updated means "Let the editor who did the actual work of looking up the refs and writing the friggen thing -- you know, the actual work of the project -- be at least allowed the satisfaction of presenting it as she thinks best, within reasonable constraints"...

This means different articles will do it differently. This annoys a certain type of editor. Oh well...

And from a series of posts, by the same wise editor, in a discussion of whether someone should be described as a "former American hockey player" or an "American former hockey player":

We don't have a rule for it, so its not your job to "fix" other editors' constructions to a format that pleases you personally. It's just roiling the text for no gain. (On the merits, English is a human language, not a programming language, and everyone understands what is meant by "former American hockey player".)

Since there isn't a rule, I believe that the operative procedure is:

  1. Do what you think best, using your wit and sense for the English language.
  2. And give other editors the same courtesy. Do not change other editors' constructions, and do not "correct" other editors to match your personal predelictions. It just leads to pointless roiling of the text, unnecessary bad feelings, and pointless sterile edit warring.

As for setting a rule, we could do that with an RfC, but I wouldn't recommend that, for a couple of reasons. One, it would probably be a lot of work ending in no consensus. Two, give editors a little room to breathe, shall we? We don't need to micromanage every possible clause construction. The project will survive if we write this two different ways.... I believe in letting the person who (after all) did the actual writing work be given a kind of stare decisis privilege in minor matters like this.

And from the archive, your host's post from long ago along the same lines...

For want of a comma, the clause was lost...Edit


Why every goddam thing needn't be micromanaged in a ruleEdit

From a discussion over whether MOS should require the final comma in constructions like --
On September 11, 2001, several planes ...
and even
On December 25, 2001 (which was Christmas Day), we all went ...

You treat punctuation marks like mathematical operators which organize words into nested structures of Russian-doll clauses and such, and they're nothing like that. Not everything has to be rigidly prescribed and no, I don't buy into the "OhButIfWeDon'tThereWillBeEndlessArgumentOnEachArticle" reasoning just because that might, sometimes happen.

All over Wikipedia there are years with comma following, and years with no comma following, and never have I seen two editors, both of whom are actually engaged on a particular article, in serious conflict over a particular instance of that question. The discussion might go, "Hmmm... I'd use a comma myself but if you prefer none... yeah, that looks OK too. Now about that source-reliability question we were discussing..." but that's about it.

Where I've seen actual trouble is when other editors -- who have shown (and will subsequently show) no active interest in the article itself -- arrive out of nowhere in their radar-equipped year-with-no-comma–detector vans, then break down the door to weld court-ordered ankle-bracelet commas onto some harmless 2001 whose only crime was appearing in public with his trailing digit exposed -- something which (these prudish enforcers of Victorian punct-morality seem never to understand) was considered perfectly acceptable in most cultures throughout human history.

(Did you know, for example, that in the ancient Olympic games, years and days competed completely naked, without even a comma between them? I'm not advocating that unhygienic extreme but a bit of exposed backside shouldn't shock anyone in this enlightened age. But I digress, so back to our narrative underway...)

Having rendered yet another noble service in defense of the homeland (as they like to tell themselves) they jump back into their black SUVs and scurry up their rappelling ropes to their double-rotor helicopters and fly off to their next target, never knowing or caring whether that particular article has, or has not, been improved by their visitation. Certainly all the breaking of the crockery and smashing of the furniture can't have helped, but order has been restored and choas beaten back, which is what's important.

During all this the neighbors cower in their homes with the lights out, glad that they are not the targets of these jackbooted comma-thugs -- at least not this time. "Look," they say to their children, "that's what happens if you don't obey the rules. You should love Big Brother MOS for his heroic dedication to relieving you of the burden of deciding anything for yourself."


As Hannah Arendt put is so well: "It is the inner coercion whose only content is the strict avoidance of contradictions that seems to confirm a man's identity outside relationships with others. It fits him into the iron band of terror even when he is alone, and totalitarian domination tries never to leave him alone except in the extreme situation of solitary confinement. By destroying all space between men and pressing men against each other, even the productive potentialities of isolation are annihilated..." Or as John Stuart Mill -- himself a great lover of commas, so you can't dismiss him as a bleeding-heart, comma-omitting permissive corruptor of young punctuators -- said... Oh, never mind.

You say

Punctuation is not some flighty thing that you use when it feels right or the mood takes you (otherwise the MOS would be redundant).

Yes, if we can't prescribe and control every detail of usage and punctuation societal decay sets in and soon there is immorality, open homosexuality, interracial marriage, and baby murder.. Or perhaps I've misunderstood you?

The opposite of rigid prescription of everything isn't "flightiness" on everything; the opposite of rigid prescription on everything is measured guidance appropriate to the point being discussed:

  • Rigid prescription in the few cases for which truly appropriate.
  • Clear direction where experience shows people often go wrong
  • Enumeration of alternatives where choices are available
  • Universal advice to use common sense no matter what

That last point, BTW, is one of the first thing MOS says. I'm quite aware that there's a MOS rule requiring comma-after-year. And I'm telling you that removing that rule, or changing it to a short mention that opinions differ on this, would go a long way toward repairing the disdain many editors have for those parts of MOS which ridiculously overreach and overprescribe, thereby preserving respect for its important provisions on things that really matter.

And finally...

A rolling stone gathers no MOSEdit

In the last 48 hr I've become aware of a simmering dispute over whether the text of MOS itself should be in American or British English. With any luck the participants will put that debate (let's call it Debate D1) on hold in order to begin Debate D2: consideration of the variety of English in which D1 should be conducted. Then, if there really is a God in Heaven, D1 and D2 will be the kernel around which will form an infinite regress of metadebates D3, D4, and so on -- a superdense accretion of pure abstraction eventually collapsing on itself to form a black hole of impenetrable disputation, wholly aloof from the mundane cares of practical application and from which no light, logic or reason can emerge.
That some editors will find themselves inexorably and irreversibly drawn into this abyss, mesmerized on their unending trip to nowhere by a kaleidoscope of linguistic scintillation reminiscent of the closing shots of 2001, is of course to be regretted. But they will know in their hearts that their sacrifice is for the greater good of Wikipedia. That won't be true, of course, but it would be cruel to disabuse them of that comforting fiction as we bid them farewell and send them on their way.[2]

More MOSsy thoughts:

A. It is an axiom of mine that something belongs in MOS only if (as a necessary, but not sufficient test) either:
  • 1. There is a manifest a priori need for project-wide consistency (e.g. "professional look" issues such as consistent typography, layout, etc. -- things which, if inconsistent, would be noticeably annoying, or confusing, to many readers); OR 
  • 2. Editor time has, and continues to be, spent litigating the same issue over and over on numerous articles, either
  • (a) with generally the same result (so we might as well just memorialize that result, and save all the future arguing), or
  • (b) with different results in different cases, but with reason to believe the differences are arbitrary, and not worth all the arguing -- a final decision on one arbitrary choice, though an intrusion on the general principle that decisions on each article should be made on the Talk page of that article, is worth making in light of the large amount of editor time saved.
B. There's a further reason that disputes on multiple articles should be a gating requirement for adding anything to MOS: without actual situations to discuss, the debate devolves into the "Well, suppose an article says this..."–type of hypothesizing -- no examples of which, quite possibly, will ever occur in the real life of real editing. An analogy: the US Supreme Court (like the highest courts of many nations) refuses to rule on an issue until multiple lower courts have ruled on that issue and been unable to agree. This not only reduces the highest court's workload, but helps ensure that the issue has been "thoroughly ventilated", from many points of view and in the context of a variety of fact situations, by the time the highest court takes it up. I think the same thinking should apply to any consideration of adding a provision to MOS.

Summary: If MOS does not need to have a rule on something, then it needs to not have a rule on that thing.

Corollary (2017, per SMcCandlish [79]): If MoS does not already have a rule on something, then it almost certainly doesn't need one.

Further wise words, from one of our esteemed fellow editors during a MOS dispute – The Curator is not quite sure what it means, exactly, but the imagery is great:

What may be happening is intelligent editors have created, argued, and reminisced about so many rules, guidelines, and related flora and fauna that Wikipedia is running out of them. Intelligence flows like water into extant depressions, and when the ground is mostly level all we get are slight smeared-out puddles which then freeze over and cause all kinds of slipping and grumbling. – Randy Kryn [80]
  1. ^ Not actually Trump, but you were prepared to believe it, weren't you?
  2. ^ [1]

Museum of I Hope You're Wearing Clean PantsEdit

From the directions for Trader Joe's Burrata, Prosciutto & Arugula Flatbread:

Pre-heat oven to 450°F; remove flatbread from packaging, place on a baking sheet and sit on counter top while oven preheats.

On the plus side, you rarely see packaged-food directions that use semicolons (much less properly).

Museum of May We RecommendEdit

Wisdom from User:Guy MaconEdit

If one person keeps getting into disputes with a bunch of different people over a long period of time, eventually you have to stop and consider what the common factor in all of the conflicts is. "There once was a drunk driver who was driving the wrong way on the freeway. Upon hearing on the radio (over the honking horns) that there was a drunk driver who was driving the wrong way on the freeway, he peered through his windshield, noticed all of the headlights heading toward him, and exclaimed 'My God! There are dozens of them!!'"
  • Also by Guy Macon [82]:
Rather than thinking of admins as 8-foot tall cannabalistic monsters armed with a chainsaw and a sack of grenades, I prefer to think of them as giant cybertanks with no self-awareness. "They are simply engines of destruction, doing what they are programmed to do."
  • And yet more from G.M. [83]:
In videogames, The Super Mario Effect is as follows: When Mario gets a power up that turns him into Super Mario, a mistake that would normally kill him as ordinary Mario simply turns him from Super Mario to ordinary Mario, then he has to make another mistake to be killed. Likewise when an administrator does something that would get an ordinary editor indefinitely blocked, he is desysopped, turning him into an ordinary editor. Then he has to do something else wrong to be actually blocked.

Wisdom from Michael PolanyiEdit

From Michael Polanyi, "The Republic of Science: Its Political and Economic Theory" (1962) (and note the quaint reference to "women" shelling peas!):

The first thing to make clear is that scientists, freely making their own choice of problems and pursuing them in the light of their own personal judgment, are in fact co-operating as members of a closely knit organization. The point can be settled by considering the opposite case where individuals are engaged in a joint task without being in any way coordinated. A group of women shelling peas work at the same task, but their individual efforts are not co-ordinated. The same is true of a team of chess players. This is shown by the fact that the total amount of peas shelled and the total number of games won will not be affected if the members of the group are isolated from each other. Consider by contrast the effect which a complete isolation of scientists would have on the progress of science. Each scientist would go on for a while developing problems derived from the information initially available to all. But these problems would soon be exhausted, and in the absence of further information about the results achieved by others, new problems of any value would cease to arise, and scientific progress would come to a standstill.

This shows that the activities of scientists are in fact coordinated, and it also reveals the principle of their co-ordination. This consists in the adjustment of the efforts of each to the hitherto achieved results of the others. We may call this a coordination by mutual adjustment of independent initiatives – of initiatives which are co-ordinated because each takes into account all the other initiatives operating within the same system.

When put in these abstract terms the principle of spontaneous coordination of independent initiatives may sound obscure. So let me illustrate it by a simple example. Imagine that we are given the pieces of a very large jigsaw puzzle, and suppose that for some reason it is important that our giant puzzle be put together in the shortest possible time. We would naturally try to speed this up by engaging a number of helpers; the question is in what manner these could be best employed. Suppose we share out the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle equally among the helpers and let each of them work on his lot separately. It is easy to see that this method, which would be quite appropriate to a number of women shelling peas, would be totally ineffectual in this case, since few of the pieces allocated to one particular assistant would be found to fit together. We could do a little better by providing duplicates of all the pieces to each helper separately, and eventually somehow bring together their several results. But even by this method the team would not much surpass the performance of a single individual at his best. The only way the assistants can effectively co-operate, and surpass by far what any single one of them could do, is to let them work on putting the puzzle together in sight of the others so that every time a piece of it is fitted in by one helper, all the others will immediately watch out for the next step that becomes possible in consequence. Under this system, each helper will act on his own initiative, by responding to the latest achievements the others, and the completion of their joint task will be great accelerated. We have here in a nutshell the way in which a series of independent initiatives are organized to a joint achievement by mutually adjusting themselves at every successive stage to the situation created by all the others who are acting likewise.

Such self-co-ordination of independent initiatives leads to a joint result which is unpremeditated by any of those who bring it about. Their co-ordination is guided as by 'an invisible hand' towards the joint discovery of a hidden system of things. Since its end-result is unknown, this kind of co-operation can only advance stepwise, and the total performance will be the best possible if each consecutive step is decided upon by the person most competent to do so. We may imagine this condition to be fulfilled for the fitting together of a jigsaw puzzle if each helper watches out for any new opportunities arising along a particular section of the hitherto completed patch of the puzzle, and also keeps an eye on a particular lot of pieces, so as to fit them in wherever a chance presents itself. The effectiveness of a group of helpers will then exceed that of any isolated member, to the extent to which some member of the group will always discover a new chance for adding a piece to the puzzle more quickly than any one isolated person could have done by himself. Any attempt to organize the group of helpers under a single authority would eliminate their independent initiatives and thus reduce their joint effectiveness to that of the single person directing them from the centre. It would, in effect, paralyse their cooperation.

Essentially the same is true for the advancement of science by independent initiatives adjusting themselves consecutively to the results achieved by all the others...

Museum of Possibly Overanxious {{fact}} TaggingsEdit

See [84]:

Normally humans have five digits on each hand.[citation needed]

Museum of unexpected section headingsEdit

... looking at the image there, maybe it should be re-named Semen on carpets?? Martinevans123 (talk) 15:45, 1 December 2016 (UTC)
You're disgusting. Please visit often. EEng 19:32, 1 December 2016 (UTC)
Can we talk about part of his last name being Cumming? The man was born for that line.Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 02:24, 12 December 2016 (UTC)
  Facepalm Apparently we can, since it's the next bullet point below here... EEng 02:39, 12 December 2016 (UTC)

Possibly related item (from an ANI post by an eager Russian contributor):

I mentioned, that in doubt Soviet official sources and not semen's talk. I show that and found out some other sorces to confirm, that the semen said correct and Wikipedia was agree, that the my Ship's articles are not otiginal recearch.

Museum of Thwarted LoveEdit

From Homosexual behavior in animals:

Two male vultures at the Allwetter Zoo in Muenster built a nest together, although they were picked on and their nest materials were often stolen by other vultures. They were eventually separated to try to promote breeding by placing one of them with female vultures, despite the protests of German homosexual groups.

Museum of Biting CriticismEdit

From Baudelaire's evaluation of Sir Walter Scott [85]:

A fastidious mass of descriptions of bric-a-brac, a heap of old and castoff things of every sort, armor, tableware, furniture, gothic inns, and melodramatic castles where lifeless mannequins stalk about, dressed in leotards ...

Museum of Catalog Entries that Merit a Trip to the LibraryEdit

From Harvard's Online Archival Search and Information System (OASIS), call number H MS c439:

Bigelow, Henry Jacob, 1818–1890. Papers, 1840s–1856 (inclusive), 1848–1855 (bulk). Box 1, Folder 84, Dr. Daywards' great breast.

Museum of Unfortunate ChoicesEdit

Headline, Daily Mail, September 1, 2015:

Teen impersonating a police officer gets arrested after he tries to pull over an off-duty cop.

Museum of Credit Where Credit Is DueEdit

From the File Description Page File:Human_Feces.jpg at Wikimedia Commons:

Description: Produced by myself on 2006-05-28. Photographed by myself, in a toilet, shortly thereafter. Yes, this is real. It is what it is. If you use this image, I would appreciate a credit.

Museum of Talk About Getting the Government Out of the Bedroom!Edit

From California's Proposition 60, "The California Safer Sex in the Adult Film Industry Act", to be voted on November 8, 2016:

(g) A legible sign shall be displayed at all times at the location where an adult film is filmed in a conventional typeface not smaller than 48-point font, that provides the following notice so as to be clearly visible to all adult film performers in said adult films: The State of California requires the use of condoms for all acts of vaginal or anal intercourse during the production of adult films to protect performers.

Museum of TyposEdit

From [86]:

In August, when the local news reported that a 6-foot 9-inch dead surgeon washed up on the shores of Isle La Motte, my first reaction was this particular doctor could have played professional basketball instead of practicing medicine.

Museum of The March of ScienceEdit

From Fecal microbiota transplant:

In the United States, the Food and Drug Administration has regulated human feces as an experimental drug since 2013.

Museum of Can't Anybody Here Play This Game?Edit

From the San Francisco Chronicle's Sporting Green, September 11, 2016:

Last Sunday, Breast Cancer Awareness Day, the A's gave away 10,000 pairs of pink wristbands. So far, so good. But alert fan Kyle Watry noticed that each pack carried a warning: "This product may contain chemicals... known to cause cancer or birth defects or other reproductive harm."

Museum of Only So Many Ways to Phrase ItEdit

From a discussion in Michael Pitt-Rivers of a prosecution for, um, buggery:

In the summer of 1953, Lord Montagu of Beaulieu offered his friend Peter Wildeblood the use of a beach hut near his country estate. Wildeblood brought with him two young RAF servicemen, Edward McNally and John Reynolds. The four were joined by Montagu's cousin Michael Pitt-Rivers. At the subsequent trial, the two airmen turned Queen's Evidence.

Museum of How The Mighty Have FallenEdit

Related item, from the article Buggery ...

In 2012 a man was convicted of this offence for supplying a dog in 2008 to a woman who had intercourse with it and died; he received a suspended sentence and was required to sign the sex offender registry, ending his career as a bus driver.

Museum of Security KoansEdit

From a discussion on CNN about a recent airport security breach:

What we have to remember is that nothing is 100% anything.

Museum of Muscular ImageryEdit

The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and riffle their pockets for new vocabulary.

James Nicoll

Museum of Sometimes I Wonder Why I BotherEdit

Graph of recent pagesviews counts for my essay WP:Wikipedia is not about whining:

Click here for the sad truth

Museum of the Ignorant Non-Notable MassesEdit

10 Things Wikipedia Says Are More Notable Than You (and check out what's first on the list!).

Museum of Survival of the FitnessEdit

From Wikipedia:WikiProject Health and fitness:

This WikiProject is believed to be semi-active. Activity is slower than it once was.

Museum of Better Than NothingEdit

From James_Henry_Pullen:

Once, when Pullen developed an obsession to marry a townswoman he fancied, the staff mollified him by giving him an admiral's uniform instead.

Museum of People with Nothing Better to DoEdit (note the dates on the diff and the original post)

Museum of Bedside MannersEdit

From "The Limbic System with Respect to Two Basic Life Principles", in The Central Nervous System and Behavior: Transactions of the Second Conference (1959):

We have had a number of patients who have had very strong suicidal tendencies. The one I spoke of brought 155 razor blades, 17 knives, and two loaded guns into the therapeutic hour, and on one occasion she cut her wrists. I showed her how to hold her arms so she wouldn't drip on my couch.

Later in the same discussion:

He experienced what I would call a real culinary orgasm.


These fantasies of eating can alternate with sexual fantasies. This was quite clear during the last war, when we all were a little hungry and a little impotent.

Museum of great things Galbraith saidEdit

And interesting things his son saidEdit

(After learning that a political rival, who had criticized the son for funding his own campaign, had himself loaned his campaign $95,000)

Museum of Pick Your PoisonEdit

From Manure management:

In high concentrations manure can lethally asphyxiate humans. There is also a drowning danger.

Museum of WP:The Wrong VersionEdit

From an ANI thread:

The world wide web has been semi protected by Nyttend for ten days.

Museum of Better Reword ThatEdit

From a discussion at WT:Manual of Style/Images:

I would like to propose the repeal of the language in this guideline which forbids the inclusion of image galleries in articles about human ethnic groups ... Even articles about sub-species groupings directly analogous to human ethnic groups, such as Maine Coon, include images of their subjects.

Museum of Really, Really Better Reword ThatEdit

From the same discussion‍—‌and by the same editor!‍—‌two weeks later (and I am not making this up):

A great deal of objection to the repeal of NOETHNICGALLERIES seems to center around the difficulties of classifying people according to fine-grained groupings visually. I would suggest, therefore, that we allow image galleries for ethnic groups at the highest level, i.e. White people, but continue to disallow them for low-level subgroups, i.e. Slavs.

Museum of Those Lustie TudorsEdit

From Henry VIII of England:

He was skilled on the lute, could play the organ, and was a talented player of the virginals.

Museum of Cheap FollowupsEdit

Not from anything:

Q: Why did Bach have so many children?


A: Because he didn't have any stops in his organ.

Museum of Noted for Future ReferenceEdit

From "Dancing in San Francisco, Hygienically Considered", San Francisco Medical Press, January 1862, p.26:

It is the peculiar condition of the nervous system, probably produced by the electrical condition of the air, that causes so much insanity in California ... The climate of San Francisco is peculiarly favorable to Dancing [but] there is one correction that ought to be made in the present system of dancing here. The dancing, both in public and private are, for the most part, continued too long.

Museum of Legal AptonymyEdit

From WP:Biographies_of_living_persons/Noticeboard/Archive126#David_Goodwillie:

David Goodwillie has had his rape charge dropped.

Museum of More Than a Coincidence?Edit

From Human Interference Task Force, about early attempts to devise a means of warning cultures in the far-distant future not to intrude on radioactive waste sites:

French author Françoise Bastide and the Italian semiotician Paolo Fabbri proposed the breeding of so called "radiation cats" or "ray cats". Cats have a long history of cohabitation with humans, and this approach assumes that their domestication will continue indefinitely. These radiation cats would change significantly in color when they came near radioactive emissions and serve as living indicators of danger.

From the article on the Waste Isolation Pilot Plant, a radioactive waste disposal site":

The source of contamination was later found to be a barrel that exploded on February 14 because contractors at Los Alamos National Laboratory packed it with organic cat litter instead of clay cat litter.

Museum of Unclear EnunciationEdit

A now-deleted hatnote to the article on Play-Doh:

This article is about the children's modeling material. For the ancient Greek philosopher, see Plato.

Museum of Yes, I Think You've Put Your Finger On ItEdit

From a discussion of someone's crackpot theories about Hitler in Esoteric Nazism:

She saw his defeat‍—‌and the forestalling of his vision from coming to fruition‍—‌as a result of him being "too magnanimous, too trusting, too good".

Museum of Timeless WisdomEdit

From wiktionary:in_the_land_of_the_blind,_the_one-eyed_man_is_king:

in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king

  1. Among others with a disadvantage or disability, the one with the mildest disadvantage or disability is regarded as the greatest.
  2. Even someone without much talent or ability is considered special by those with no talent or ability at all.
  3. Someone that can see his actions transpire in determination makes the most out of every other thing disconnected

Museum of Urgent MattersEdit

From a recent actual ANI report (bolding as in the original):

Background: A series of IPs (virtually all geolocating to the same Canadian city) have been edit warring since late February to incorrectly state that the Canadian Cadbury Caramilk is a chocolate bar rather than a candy bar.

Museum of Unusual Career PathsEdit

From the article on Hedy Lamarr:

Hedy Lamarr (/ˈhɛdi/; born Hedwig Eva Maria Kiesler, 9 November 1914 – 19 January 2000)[a] was an Austrian and American film actress and inventor of radio guidance technology.

Museum of Well, They Do Like the Trains to Run on TimeEdit

From the article on George Lincoln Rockwell, founder of the American Nazi Party, who was killed by a Party member in front of a laundromat:

The cemetery specified that no Nazi insignia could be displayed, and when the fifty mourners violated these conditions the entrance to the cemetery was blocked in a five-hour standoff, during which the hearse (which had been stopped on railroad tracks near the cemetery) was nearly struck by an approaching train.

Museum of Scholarly DisputationEdit

From a discussion of why the earth's motion doesn't cause buildings to fall down, in The Mathematical and Philosophical Works of the Right Rev. John Wilkins, Late Lord Bishop of Chester: To which is Prefix'd the Author's Life, and an Account of His Works; in Two Volumes, (reprinting A discourse concerning a new planet tending to prove, that ’tis probable our Earth is one of the planets, 1640):

The motion of the earth is always equal and like itself; not by starts and fits. If a glass of beer may stand firmly enough in a ship, when it moves swiftly upon a smooth stream, much less then will the motion of the earth, which is more natural, and so consequently more equal, cause any danger unto those buildings that are erected upon it ... But supposing (saith Rosse) that this motion were natural to the earth, yet it is not natural to towns and buildings, for these are artificial.

To which I answer: ha, ha, he.

(I like the beer reference. As someone wrote, "Our fathers ... closely associated the thirst for learning and that for beer.")

Museum of "You don't say!"Edit

From John Vassall:

Although his father was an Anglican priest, his mother converted to Roman Catholicism (a fact which led to some tensions in their marriage).

Museum of Edible EditsEdit

A perhaps over-tired, or ravenously hungry, Ricky81682 commenting at ANI [87]:

And if the OP doesn't bother to respond, I say we close this and ask the editor on their talk page to provide a coherent, succulent description of their concerns.

See also this tempting edit summary: [88]

Museum of Words that Bug MeEdit

From the Australian Broadcasting Corporation's "Public Report on Audience Comments and Complaints, April–June 2006":

The 7.30 Report, 18 April 2006
The complaint: A viewer complained that a report caption referred to an “entomologist” as an “etymologist”.
Finding: The ABC agreed that this was incorrect.

Museum of How Was Your Day, Dear?Edit

From List of fatal bear attacks in North America:

Earl, a zookeeper at the Cleveland Brookside Zoo, was mauled by a brown bear while feeding it in its pen. After a vicious struggle, police shot the bear. Earl was also mistakenly shot, but it was determined that he was already dead. Earlier in the day, Earl had been fired from his job.

Museum of You Can't Always Get What You Want, But Sometimes You Get What You NeedEdit

From an online comment about Vittorio De Sica's masterpiece The Bicycle Thief:

I read that Bicycle Thieves is one of Leonardo DiCaprio's favorite movies of all time. I saw it. It just ended abruptly. I was really hopeful for a happy ending that he would win his bike back but rather he ends up with no bike in the end.

Museum of Precision DiagnosesEdit

From the 10th revision of the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems:
  • T63.442 Toxic effect of venom of bees (intentional self-harm)
  • V91.07 Burn due to water-skis on fire
  • V95.42XS Forced landing of spacecraft injuring occupant, sequela
  • V97.33 Sucked into jet engine
  • W22.02 Walked into lamppost
  • W55.41 Bitten by pig
  • W61.62 Struck by duck
  • Y92.146 Swimming-pool of prison as place of occurrence
  • Y92.154 Driveway of reform school as place of occurrence

Sample combinations:

  • Y92.241 Library as place of occurrence + W45.1 Paper entering through skin ("Applicable to paper cut")
  • Y92.834 Zoological garden as place of occurrence + W61.12 Struck by mackaw
  • Y92.72 Chicken coop as place of occurrence + W61.33 Pecked by chicken

Museum of Hope Springs EternalEdit

From the Classifieds section of Mission Hill Gazette, a Boston neighborhood newspaper:

Boston Brakers power soccer
Practices 1st, 2nd, 3rd Saturdays of the month, noon-2pm, Tobin Community Center, 1481 Tremont Street.

Yoga for Older Adults
Saturdays through May, 10am. Yoga props and mats are provided, wear clothes that you can move in comfortably. Parker Hill Branch Library, 1497 Tremont St.

$5 Million Reward
for information leading directly to the return of 13 works of art stolen two decades ago from the Gardner Museum. Anonymous tips can be mailed to 280 The Fenway.

Museum of Mixing Business and PleasureEdit

From The Signpost article, "Revenge of 'I can’t believe we didn’t have an article on ...'":

Esther Applin was a super-awesome geologist who discovered that microfossils could be used for dating purposes.

Alternatively, Tryptofish suggests [89] she could use Radiometric dating to land a hot date.

Museum of What Could Possibly Go Wrong?Edit

From "Mommy Dearest", an episode of the I-swear-I-was-just-flipping-channels true-crime program A Stranger in My Home. Mabel (82) and Cathie (57) are a mother and daughter who have just moved from their too-small trailer to a house.

Mabel and Cathie would love for Cathie's sons, Travis and Morgan, to move in and help out around the house. There's only one problem: they're both in prison on burglary and fraud charges, and won't be released for several years. But Cathie's sons have a solution in the short term. They introduce Mabel and Cathie to their fellow inmate Edward Caldwell ... He was going to get out soon, and he would be needing a room to rent. Mabel invites Edward to move into the now-empty trailer, and in return he will help her and Cathie around their house.

Museum of It's a Dirty Job, But Someone's Gotta Do ItEdit

From The Railway Surgeon (1895):

During the past few years it has been my privilege to treat some hundreds of railway employees for various rectal diseases.

And from the very same page, some old-timey medical humor (I guess):

Some Clinical Thermometer Notes ... Another was a hospital ward patient, his cot being the second the physician visited on making his rounds. The patient begged one day to change beds with his neighbor, and when pressed for his reason he declared that he had got tired of having the glass put in his mouth after it had been into his neighbor's rectum. He wanted it put into his mouth before the other fellow's temperature was taken.

More dirty jobsEdit

From a letter by Abbott Lawrence Lowell to his cousin William Lawrence, describing efforts to extract a donation from J.P. Morgan:

When I cease to be President of Harvard College I shall join one of the mendicant orders, so as to have less begging to do.

Yet more dirty jobsEdit

From the post "The Decline of Free Speech in American Universities" in something called University Ranking Watch:

St Mary's University of Minnesota: An adjunct classics professor was fired for sexual harassment which may have had something to do with an authentic production of Seneca's Medea. He was also fired from his other job as a janitor (!).

Confusing related item:

Marquette University: John McAdams was [dismissed] for criticising an instructor for suppressing a student's negative comments about same-sex marriage.

Museum of Travel Broadens One