Talk:The Little Guy/GA3

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Gen. Quon (talk · contribs) 03:24, 22 July 2012 (UTC)

I'll give this guy another whirl ASAP.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 03:24, 22 July 2012 (UTC)

General

• There's two disambiguation pages Link
  •  Done

Images

• I still don't feel the image has an adequate rationale. It's just a dead body on a table. It needs to critically commented upon and being something that isn't easily described.
  •  Done. It was commented by The A.V. Club and Paste
    • The issue I have with this isn't that it wasn't commented on. It has to do with WHY we need to see it. There isn't anything special about it. You could just as easily say there is a dead body on a table with two dudes standing over it, and I would understand it just the same. Furthermore, the Paste and AV Club reviews don't really even mention it on the page - at all.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 02:01, 1 August 2012 (UTC)

Intro

• Intro: "The episode has generally received positive reviews, with many commentators criticizing the episode's ending, and claiming that the episode was not as good as the previous episode, 'Pilot'." This sentence is a little nonsensical because it says the episode received positive reviews, but was criticized. Reword into: "The episode has generally received positive reviews, although many commentators criticized its ending, noting that the episode was not as good as the series pilot."
  •  Done
• Intro: "…survived the accident…" and "…his son Rex Britten (Dylan Minnette) survives…" match the tenses (should both be past)
  •  Done
• Intro: "In this episode, Britten deals with a case of the death of a homeless man" -> "In this episode, Britten investigates the death of a homeless man"
  •  Done
• Intro: "while Captain Tricia Harper (Laura Innes), shows growing concern over his behavior" Who is his? The captain's or Michael's?
  •  Done
• Intro: "A little guy is mentioned in this episode, "The little guy" was later revealed to be Detective Ed Hawkins (Kevin Weisman), who made his official debut in "Say Hello to My Little Friend"." What does this even mean? Explain what a little guy is.
  •  Done
• Intro: The word "episode" is mentioned ten times in the intro. I'd weed this down
  •  Done

Plot

• Plot: "use fabric softener when she washes clothing" -> "used fabric softener when she washed clothing"
  •  Done
• Plot: "who runs a fertility specialist" How do you run a specialist? Isn't a specialist a person?
  •  Done
• Plot: Maybe link or explain camshaft
  •  Done
• Plot: "angry little guy shoot" This is unencylopedic, but I assume it is a direct quote, so add quote marks
  •  Done
• Plot: "Nat figures she does not have the know-how to pull it off…" -> "Nat figures she does not have the computer skills to pull it off"
  •  Done
• Plot: "Sam claimed" -> "Sam claims"
  •  Done

Production

• Production: "Reiner was trying to maintain the visual style set up by David Slade in the pilot episode." This is based on a reviewers opinion, I'm not sure its what Reiner was trying to do.
• Production: "According to HitFix, Reiner was put on the "evil conspiracy responsible for the car accident". Ummm, what does this even mean? I looked at the source and I don't think it has anything to do with Reiner...
  •  Done. Removed
• Production: "A little guy is mentioned in this episode, "The little guy" was later revealed to be Ed Hawkins (Kevin Weisman), who made his official debut in "Say Hello to My Little Friend"." -> "A titular "little guy" is mentioned in this episode; this character is later revealed to be Ed Hawkins (Kevin Weisman), and made his official debut in "Say Hello to My Little Friend"."
  •  Done
• Production: How do you know the shadow is the "little guy" in "Ricky's Tacos". I'd get a better source for that line
  •  Done. Its removed

Themes

• Themes: ""The Little Guy" was noted for introducing what really happened in the accident, with Kessel and Harper discussing their involvement in the accident at the end of the episode." -> ""The Little Guy" was noted for beginning to unravel the mystery as to to what really happened in Britten's accident, with Kessel and Harper discussing their involvement at the end of the episode."
  •  Done
• Themes: I'm not sure that mythology should link to Mythology; they're quite different things
  •  Done
• Themes: "Alan Sepinwall of HitFix observed that them dissuccing in the accident" Wha? Let's rephrase that. "Alan Sepinwall of HitFix observed that Harper and Kessel's knowledge involving the accident"
  •  Done
• Themes: On a second read-through, the second paragraph of this section makes no sense. Many of the sentences change tenses and are connected in ways that are unintelligible. For instance
  • "Alan Sepinwall of HitFix observed that them dissuccing in the accident was "in the red world — and was not something Britten was present for — supposed to tell us that this is the "real" world and Rex is dead?"" What does that even mean? You start with Sepinwall's observation and switch to a question.
    •  Done
      • ✗ Not done Now it reads "Spinwall thought does this mean that Hannah is alive, and Rex is dead?" No quotes, and the grammar makes no sense. Fix please.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 23:00, 22 July 2012 (UTC)
        •  Done
  • "He also noted that was it "Killen has an absolutely brilliant plan for what's going on, why the Britten family was attacked, why Mike is suddenly shifting from one reality to the other"." Again, you start with an observation. It should be "He also noted that "Killen has an absolutely brilliant plan for what's going on, why the Britten family was attacked, [and] why Mike is suddenly shifting from one reality to the other"."
    •  Done
  • I feel this section needs to be completely re-written, as it is dense and hard to navigate…
    • This could still be weeded through, but I'll leave that to a copyeditor.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 23:00, 22 July 2012 (UTC)

Broadcast and reception

• Broadcast: Is there a cite for the Canada airing?
  •  Done. Removed
• Broadcast: I'd merge the AV Club "praised the episode" line and its grade line.
  •  Done
• Broadcast: Does the quote box really matter? I know one of the commentators mentioned that, but what does it mean? It needs to be explained in the article, and not just the box.
  •  Done
• Broadcast: A majority of the section is "he said… he wrote… he said… he concluded." Mix it up a bit.
• Broadcast: "not as tragically serene as the premiere episode" or as good as the pilot" Missing a quotation mark in here somewhere...
  •  Done
• Broadcast: This whole section is still in dire need of a copy-edit, the whole "he said... he said" thing gets old and grating fast. I see that someone "copyedited" the article earlier, but a more extensive one is seriously needed.
  •  Partly done

References

• For the Barb.co.uk, I went to look up the numbers, and couldn't find it. In the article, it says it aired on Sky Atlantic, but on the reference, it says Sky 1. It didn't air on Sky 1 that week, at least as far as I can see. Switch to Sky Atlantic.
  •  Done

This article still has quite a few issues. A full-on copyedit is desperately needed, and has been since the first GAN. Considering the last GA review was only a few days ago and full copy-edit hasn't been undertaken (as requested by the last reviewer), this article is hanging in the balance. Get it copyedited and fix the issues and it could pass. Right now, there are some really sticky section that need fixing. On hold for seven days.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:35, 22 July 2012 (UTC)

I have addressed most of the issues. I am still awaiting a copy-edit, though. Thanks for the review! TBrandley 18:40, 22 July 2012 (UTC)

Ok a few issues still left. I'll leave this open; hopefully a copyedit can go through.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 23:00, 22 July 2012 (UTC)

Comment: I recommend leaving a request at the Guild of Copyeditors, because you say this article was "copyedited", yet outstanding issues still exist. This has happened before with the insufficient "copyedits" you've gotten for Awake and List of Awake episodes. The GOCE members usually do a good job, and if you indicate that it is a current GAN, you may get it copyedited within 7 days. TRLIJC19 (talk) 01:34, 23 July 2012 (UTC)

Ok. I have submitted the request. Thanks for commenting! TBrandley 01:49, 23 July 2012 (UTC)

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to fail this. It's been on hold for well over two weeks, and no significant changes have been made to the prose. When this is copyedited, and only when it has been, it can be renominated for GA, but until then, work out the serious prose kink.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:30, 7 August 2012 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.