Talk:Paul F. Ryan
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Untitled
editHello There!
I read your article and think that you have a lot of good information. I went through and just altered a few words and some phrasing. Here are my suggestions:
- Perhaps re-read your article and attempt to change some of the wording so that it doesn't sound like you are simply listing information or writing an essay. From my understanding, a Wikipedia article doesn't have to have transitional words like an essay. Just present the information and makes sure it all flows together, but don't worry about the typical things we try to do in an essay. Minor thing here!
- I was wondering if you could find more information about Paul F. Ryan himself. Reading your article, I felt that a lot of the information was about his works. I think that that kind of stuff is great to include. However, since this is his page, I might suggest finding more information on him that is independent of his work. That might help convey the story of who he is, not just his work. I think you can definitely strike a balance here and ride the line between his work and his personal life.
~ Jahanobik2015 on 11/11/2015 11:51am Jahanobik2015 (talk) 16:51, 11 November 2015 (UTC)
Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment
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This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Zappalajohn. Peer reviewers: Jahanobik2015.
Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 06:14, 17 January 2022 (UTC)
Hey
editHi, so it's a good article. I especially like the detailed information you have about Homeroom and its reception. My only gripe here is that it comes off more as a filmography than a career section. You may want to consider changing the heading of the section or make it a little more comprehensive of his career like other specific projects he has been a part of. My only edits were a couple typos in Early Life, and I reworded a confusing sentence. The only other suggestion I have is to maybe try to find a little more information about him if you can. I understand his career is relatively young so maybe this is pretty difficult but maybe search around a little bit more for it if you can. Good job overall though! Mjbolock24 (talk) 03:54, 16 November 2015 (UTC)