Talk:Medieval harp

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Instructor Feedback (Draft 1) edit

Latest comment: 3 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion

Generally speaking, this is in good shape! There are some opportunities for expansion and clarification, and you will want to polish your writing.

Lead edit

Nice lead!
"Though some original instruments survive AND ARE AVAILABLE TO VIEW IN museums."

Construction edit

"The curve became most pronounced with the eleventh century." Any reason why? And does this imply it stayed pronounced after the eleventh century? If so, make that clear, i.e. "from the eleventh century onwards."
The second paragraph feels out of place as it pertains to performance rather than construction. Might you expand it a bit and give it its own heading?

History and Geography edit

First sentence: do you mean visual depictions, literary ones, or both?
"The medieval harp MAY HAVE EVOLVED FROM the ancient four-sided harp or MAY HAVE BEEN brought to ..." This gets you out of having to mention scholars.
Second paragraph: style of what, exactly?
Can you give more information of where Dante mentions the Irish harp and provide a citation? Readers might want to track down the quotation. Indeed, you should consider including it here given the author's prominence.

Development edit

Should this be "subsequent/later development"?
Try not to make the harp sound like a living creature, e.g. "the medieval harp transformed ..." A better way of framing it would simply be to describe the changes that occurred in the later periods.

General comments on writing edit

avoid repetition of key words and phrases, e.g. attached.
Add more hyperlinks, e.g. for Trinity College and Dante.
avoid passive voice when you can. I know this is hard, particularly when you are describing the construction of the instrument.Bdbrand77 (talk) 14:58, 2 December 2020 (UTC)Reply

Instructor Feedback edit

Latest comment: 3 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion

You've made a good start on the lead to your new Wikipedia article. It's clear and concise! And having only read the lead, I can already imagine what the structure of the article will be. My suggestions for improvement have to do with word choice and phrasing. I've made some suggestions as edits to your sandbox. In addition, always use active verbs whenever possible. And finally, avoid the first person, singular or plural (i.e. we), as it detracts from the neutral point of voice. Bdbrand77 (talk) 21:57, 14 November 2020 (UTC)Reply

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