Talk:Jubilation (song)/GA1

Latest comment: 7 years ago by Aoba47 in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 17:47, 17 March 2017 (UTC)Reply

Comments
  • The second sentence of the first paragraph of the lead is a little bit awkwardly constructed due to the repetition of a variation of "write" in both the beginning independent clause and the main part of the sentence. I would revise this to make it flow a little bit stronger, especially as it is one of the first sentences a reader would encounter when opening this article for the first time. The last part of the sentence regarding the song's release feels a little tacked-on, and it may be beneficial to just make it into its own sentence or more seamlessly integrate it into the sentence during the revisions for my previous comment.
  • In the last sentence of the lead's first paragraph, I would put the information about the song being included on the Anka's compilation album before the information about the cover just to keep the information going seamlessly from that about the main artist (Anka) to the cover versions. You could just switch around the order and it would read a little better in my opinion at least.
  • Include the reference for the quote in the lead. Quotes in the lead require citations even if the information is present in the body of the article. You could also revise it to not include the quote and paraphrase the information if you prefer to not have a reference in the lead for any reason.
  • In the lead, you say that the song's lyrics are about preaching to Jesus. I can see that it is about preaching, but I do not immediately see the information about the singer preaching to Jesus in particular.
Final comments