Talk:Josine Müller

Untitled

Hi NcNeuroWiki, here is my peer review for your Josine Muller Wikipedia article translation:

• I would include her maiden name in the introduction of her page as well. For example, Josine Muller (formerly Ebsen) or however you seem fit to include it.
• "Josine attended a secondary school for girls in Hamburg and then the high school she graduated from in 1906" - the formatting of this sentence is a bit confusing. I would change it to "Josine attended a secondary school for girls in Hamburg and graduated from its high school in 1906" or something similar.
• "Josine and her friend, Karen Horney, were one of the first women in Germany to study medicine at the Albert-Ludwigs University of Freiburg in 1906." - for this sentence, I would write that, "Josine attended the Albert-Ludwigs University of Freiburg in Germany to study medicine in 1906 and became one of the first women, along with her friend Karen Horney, to do so."
• the Friedrich-Wilhelms University of Berlineto complete her doctorate - missing a "to" or "and completed" in between the University's name and the doctorate degree.
• What is a text? Does this refer to a paper or thesis?
• Maybe separate her personal life from her professional life?
• Check the formatting of this line ". Janine Chasseguet analyzed Josine" because there are two spaces.
• I would change the title of either Work or Works as they look the same but have different information. You could write "Published work" instead of "works" or "Career" instead of "Work".
• Add the missing citations

I suggest you link to other pages in this article. For example, you can link to the Karl Abraham Wikipedia page when you mention his name. This allows information to be easily accessed, otherwise readers wouldn't know who Karl Abraham is and why that is important for the Josine article.

Following the WikiED rubric:

LEAD - The introduction seems fine. If there is anything you can add to that section to make it longer (instead of one sentence) it could be better.- Good

ARTICLE - It seems like the article was translated pretty well. The organization of the article itself is good. Her life is told in chronological order, as it should be. I suggest you work a little on the grammar/sentence structures in the paragraphs - Good

REFERENCES - Besides the missing sources I noted above, I believe every statement is accounted for. - Good

EXISTING ARTICLE - I think it was a great idea to translate the article for Josine Muller. I don't know German so I would not be able to read the original article. - Good

NEW ARTICLE - I would just work on making edits that will help the flow of the article, as I mentioned before. I can tell that it was translated word for word from another language, which isn't always the best if you want to write a proper English version. -Good

I can't wait to see the edits you make! Smazuera (talk) 23:56, 7 December 2020 (UTC)

Hi NcNeuroWiki, here is my peer review:

First off, I think you've done a wonderful job translating the page, quite a feat for a first time user!

Wiki Ed Rubric- 1. Lead: You summarize, and provide the necessary context quite well. But I do think your introductory sentence could dwell further into what she was well-known for, and what contributions she has made to the field. Additionally, she seems like a prominent feminist figure in the field which could be something you can add within the introductory paragraph. Overall, Good!

2. Article: You maintain a neutral tone throughout the text, organize the paper quite clearly, and cover most aspects of the topic area. You might be able to link some articles within your work such as Sigmund Freud, Karen Horney, and Janine Chasseguet. All 3 of them are important figures, and could be a part of adding necessary references. Overall, Excellent!

3. The References section can be worked on, you add the citation needed a couple of times in the "Works" section this can be done throughout as there are multiple sentences that lack proper citation. For instance, "She claimed that girls have an intuitive understanding of female anatomy."- While citing sources is important regardless It's especially important here to base your reference off a legitimate source that has access to her study. And when citing important works of other prominent figures such as Janine in her french publication, you mention the work and therefore must cite it. Overall, Fair.

4. Existing article - The paper goes over key topics based on the original article. I don't if I'd have access the german wiki site to look at this article I say this because I wonder if it is possible to link the original article to your translated page. Overall, good.

5. New Article- It is comprehensive but I'm worried it comes across as an incomplete piece of work due to the citations and slightly unclear language given that it is translated. You could incorporate additional details to make it more comprehensive to english audience, or change the wording a little to make more clear. For instance, "on a text about fat reserve and ester cleavage in the blood."- I'm assuming they refer to publications as text based on the translation but this can be made more clear by adding an additional detail regarding the text? was it published? Overall, good!

05:00, 11 December 2020 (UTC) Wellschitt (talk) 05:03, 11 December 2020 (UTC)

Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment

This article was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment, between 10 September 2020 and 15 December 2020. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Ncneurowiki.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 17:20, 18 January 2022 (UTC)