Talk:Honor to Us All/GA1

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 14:41, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• Grabbing this for a review if that is okay wit you. Mulan is my absolute favorite Disney movie of all time, and I have always loved this song so it will be fun to read the production history and reception. Aoba47 (talk) 14:41, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• Oh, by all means haha, thank you! I noticed that the review process has already been placed on hold; I'm assuming this is an error since the process just began and no changes have been suggested yet?--Changedforbetter (talk) 15:08, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• It was my mistake. I am just being silly today, and I keep adding "on hold" instead of "on review". Sorry for my mistake, but now it is really on hold since I have finished with my comments/review. Aoba47 (talk) 15:44, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

Lead and infobox

• Everything in the infobox looks good.
• In the first sentence of the second paragraph, I would avoid the repetition of the word "originally".

• Done, second originally removed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 17:44, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• In the third paragraph, I would separate the part about the song being a parody (i.e. parodying traditional gender roles and cultural expectations of women) into its own sentence as it kind of blends in with the previous list (given the similar -ing structure of the verbs).

• Done.--Changedforbetter (talk) 17:44, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• Please link "film" and "music critics" to "film criticism" and "music criticism".

• Done.--Changedforbetter (talk) 17:44, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

Background and recording

• Add ALT text for the Marni Nixon image.

• Done.--Changedforbetter (talk) 17:44, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• This part (which took the singer only thirty-two minutes to complete but approached it as though she was performing the entire score regardless) sounds a little odd and would benefit from revision, particularly the connection between the two ideas.

• Revised, changed to "only thirty-two minutes to complete. However, she approached it as though"--Changedforbetter (talk) 17:44, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• Add the year in which Mismatched Women: The Siren's Song Through the Machine was released to the sentence about it.

• Done.--Changedforbetter (talk) 17:44, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

Use in Mulan

• You use the song's title repeatedly in the first three sentences of the first paragraph. I would recommend changing this up to provide variation.

• Fixed.

• In the following phrase (prepare to the character to present her to the matchmaker,), should matchmaker be capitalized? Make sure that the capitalization regarding the Matchmaker is consistent throughout the entire article.

• I believe it is supposed to be capitalized, since the Matchmaker is the only name the character is known (and credited) by. Fixed and looked for similar instances throughout the article.--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:02, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• The second paragraph is rather long so I would suggest cutting it into two, with the third paragraph starting with the sentence on the line of girls in the marketplace as it shifts into focusing on them.

• Good suggestion, done. Split it right before "Towards the end of the scene ..."--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:02, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• I would specify that the "Suite from Mulan" score was released as part of the soundtrack album.

• Alright, done.--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:02, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• Otherwise, everything looks really good here.

Interpretations

• As I mentioned above, you do mention the full song title quite a bit in the first paragraph, and I would recommend revising to avoid the repetitions.

• Revisions made.--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:02, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• Please provide the context for what Alternative Ending is (i.e. what type of website/publication).

• Done, added "film review website".--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:02, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• Please add the publication years for the books being referenced/cited.

• Done, think I caught all of them.--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:02, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• Great work with this section!

Music and lyrics

• I am a little confused by this part (It is performed at a "very quick" tempo of 80), as I am not sure what 80 is referencing. Is it 80 beats per minutes?

• I simply removed "80"; originally I believed 80 was the BPM until I found a website that actually states the song's accurate BPM (168). Although the song's sheet music states "Metronome h=80", I'm not exactly sure what that means, nor do I believe it's necessary with the BPM already mentioned.--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:19, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• For the phrase (lasting a total duration of 3:03 in length), I would recommend writing it out fully (i.e. three minutes and three seconds). And I am not sure the "in length" part is necessary as the "total duration" part covers that already.

• Done.--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:19, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• Please site the release year for the book referenced in the first sentence of the second paragraph.

• Done.--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:19, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• Could you please provide more context to the Thought Catalog comment on this being appropriate for a single woman if possible?

• Sure, done.--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:19, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• This is more of a clarification question, but would an audio sample be helpful here, particularly to point out the use of the "ethnic instrumentation"?

• Audio samples in song articles are always a matter of preference, in my opinion. I personally don't believe it's necessary in this case.--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:19, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• Makes sense to me. I agree that the use of non-free media should be kept to a minimal. Aoba47 (talk) 18:43, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

Critical reception

• I would add clear topic sentences to the paragraphs to provide a clear organization/structure to this section. This would help make the focus of each paragraph clearer (i.e. the first paragraph as a mixed reception on the song's message and the second paragraph as the mixed reception of the song's ranking compared to other Disney songs).

• Got it, done. Added ""Honor to Us All" has received mixed reviews from music critics, who shared differing opinions about the song's intended message." The second paragraph pretty much already accomplishes that with its opening sentence, which is great because it is actually cited.--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:30, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• Otherwise, great job here. It is interesting to see different opinions about this.

Cover versions and parodies

• Refinery29 and Boing Boing should be italics.

• Done.--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:30, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• Please link The Great Wall and Ghost in the Shell and add the release years.

• Done.--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:30, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• Otherwise, wonderful work here.

References

• For reference 11, please avoid shouting (i.e. Film Review).

• Fixed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:44, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

External links

• I would recommend that you add an "External links" section with a link to the MetroLyrics page on the song.

• Done.--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:39, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

Final comments

• Wonderful work with this article. Once my comments are addressed, I will pass this. Hope you are having a great day so far. Aoba47 (talk) 15:44, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• I think I've taken care of pretty much everything. Thoughts?--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:39, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

• Thank you for addressing my comments. I will ✓ Pass this. I look forward to reading your future work on here. Aoba47 (talk) 18:44, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.