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Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Thomas Blamey

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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article promoted Nick-D (talk) 06:02, 30 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thomas Blamey edit

Nominator(s): Hawkeye7 (talk)


Field Marshal Sir Thomas Albert Blamey was an Australian general of the First and Second World Wars, and the first, and to date only, Australian to attain the rank of field marshal. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:10, 3 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Support

A good article which I enjoyed reading. Minor ce points listed below:

Lead:

  • "and implemented innovations such as police dogs and wireless patrols" - I couldn't work out what a "wireless patrol" was.

Early life:

  • "After some earlier farming failures, his father Richard ran a small farm" - repetition of "farm" - "agricultural" or "business" perhaps instead?
  • "Blamey was involved in the Methodist Church and had been since childhood. " - seemed slightly awkwardly phrased.

Early military career:

  • "However, upon the creation of the Cadet Instructional Staff of the Australian Military Forces, he saw a new opportunity..." - I'd avoid starting a new section with "However..."
  • "His first child, a boy named Charles Middleton after a friend of Blamey's who had died in a shooting accident, but known to his family as Dolf," - unclear if the boy was called Dolf, or the friend. I suspect the boy, but could be clarified.

First World War:

  • "But trained staff officers were rare in the Australian Army..." - the "But..." seemed a sharp way to start the sentence.
  • "For his services as Corps Chief of Staff, Blamey was appointed Companion of the Order of the Bath in 1919,[31] mentioned in despatches twice more,[32] 1919,[33] and was awarded the French Croix de guerre." "twice more in 1919"?

Interwar years:

  • "he was entitled to keep that rank as an honorary rank," - repetition of "rank"
  • "He reported that the "conception of an Imperial General Staff... was absolutely dead." It wasn't clear to me what this meant; did he get there to find that the IGS had been abandoned/shut down?
  • " a salary of £1,500 per annum" - worth giving a modern equivalent. (Similarly the later figures)
    •  Done The conversion template does not handle this. Hawkeye7 (talk) 04:08, 5 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Might be worth trying MeasuringWorth - it's academically rigorous, gives helpful advice on measures and has successfully stood up to review at FA. Hchc2009 (talk) 07:25, 5 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]
    • Tried my best here. Due to a bug in the template, we can only convert to 2008 dollars. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:34, 6 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Second World War:

  • "For brigade commanders he chose..." the sequencing makes it unclear who the "he" is.

Final campaigns:

  • " he brought with him several cases of spirits, providing all the ingredients he needed to turn the Prime Minister's party into a real party. " - the "real party", although sounding fun (!), also sounds a bit informal in tone.

Post-war:

  • "Blamey offered to resign, as the war was over," - this might read better as "Blamey offered to resign; as the war was over"

Hchc2009 (talk) 18:34, 4 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

  • CommentsSupport
    • Citation check tool reveals no errors (no action required).
    • Four dab links [1]
    • External links check out [2] (no action required).
    • Images lack alt text, so you might consider adding it [3] (suggestion only)
    • Field Marshal (Australia) is linked twice in the lead sentence.
    •  Done unlinked Hawkeye7 (talk) 01:02, 10 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Blamey joined the Australian Army as a regular soldier in 1906, and attended the Staff College Quetta." Would this work better like this "Blamey joined the Australian Army as a regular soldier in 1906, and attended the Staff College at Quetta."
    •  Done Hawkeye7 (talk) 01:02, 10 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]
    • Missing word here I think: "He Deputy Commander in Chief in the Middle East."
    • "...during the final campaigns of the war he faced mounted criticism...", should this be "mounting criticism"?
    •  Done. Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (talk) 01:02, 10 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]
    • Missing word here too I think: "Blamey began his working life in 1899 as a trainee school teacher Lake Albert School...", should it be "Blamey began his working life in 1899 as a trainee school teacher at Lake Albert School."
    • And here: "In 1901, transferred to South Wagga Public School", should it be "In 1901, he transferred to South Wagga Public School."
    • "...on the staff of the Major General William Bridges' 1st Division", might work better as "on the staff of Major General William Bridges' 1st Division."
    • "at 0720 on 25 April 1915...", I believe this should be "at 07:20 on 25 April 1915..." per WP:MOSTIME
    • "On 13 September he was admitted to hospital and was eventually evacuated to England and did not return until 8 November 1917...", do we know why?
      •  Done. Yes, but it is written by a doctor, hence barely legible. Hawkeye7 (talk) 02:09, 10 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]
    • "he would remain in the Army as a part time soldier...", should "part time" be "part-time".
    • This sentence might need to be reworded: "Blamey protected the man, whom he said was married with children, has never been identified, but the description of him given by the detectives and the brothel owner did not match Blamey." Consider perhaps "Blamey protected the man, whom he said was married with children, and never identified him, but the description of him given by the detectives and the brothel owner did not match Blamey."
    • This is unclear to me: "Many members of the public did agree with this attitude." Did agree or did not agree? If the former, consider "agreed".
    • "...but with days Blamey was informed...", should this be "...but with in days Blamey was informed.."
    • This is repetitive (use of operations twice in same sentence): "These operations aroused considerable criticism on the grounds that the operations were unnecessary...", consider "These operations aroused considerable criticism on the grounds that they were unnecessary..."
    • Missing word here "He was also criticised for not spending in forward areas...", perhaps "He was also criticised for not spending time in forward areas..."?
    • This is repetitive also: "Blamey is honoured in Australia in various ways, including by the square named in his honour..."
    • Minor inconsistencies with the presentation of isbns in the references as some have hypthens and others do not.
    • Overlinking of David Horner in the reference list.
    • Overall, this article is quite good and there are just a few fairly minor issues to deal with / discuss. Anotherclown (talk) 13:03, 9 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]
      • Looks good, all my points have been taken care of now so I've added my support. Anotherclown (talk) 12:42, 10 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support Suggestions:
    • in the lead it says "promoted to field marshal in 1951", however, later it says "Blamey was duly promoted to field marshal in the King's Birthday Honours of 8 June 1950";
    • in the lead, "He attended Japan's ceremonial surrender in Tokyo Bay on 3 September 1945 and signed the Instrument of Surrender on behalf of Australia, and later personally accepted the Japanese surrender at Morotai". This might be smoother if you remove the second last and, for instance: "He attended Japan's ceremonial surrender in Tokyo Bay on 3 September 1945, signed the Instrument of Surrender on behalf of Australia, and later personally accepted the Japanese surrender at Morotai."
    • I think you need a second or "paired" comma here: "24 January 1884 in Lake Albert, New South Wales near Wagga Wagga, New South Wales" (after "Lake Albert, New South Wales"). AustralianRupert (talk) 11:01, 15 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]
    • there is some inconsistency in style: "be appointed commander in chief" and then "addition to his duties as Commander in Chief";
    • some inconsistency here: "He became Chief Commissioner on..." and then "
    • It might be best to expand the abbreviation here: "Blamey's headquarters, which became known as LHQ"...
    • I'm not sure about the punctuation here: "During a speech to the 21st Infantry Brigade on 9 November 1942: The implication..."
    • possibly a bit repetitive: "The success of the campaign silenced some critics. Blamey was annoyed by the campaign run" ("campaign" twice);
      •  Done Funny how all the critics fall silent when Murdoch whistles. Hawkeye7 (talk) 00:43, 17 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]
    • in the Legacy section: "including by the square named him around" might sound smoother as: "including by the square named after him around";
    • in the Legacy section, "A larger statue is in Kings Domain, Melbourne on the corner " (probably needs a second comma after "Melbourne");
    • in the References, I think this should be slightly tweaked: Blamey, Controversial Soldier : a biography of Field Marshal Sir Thomas Blamey (issue with the space before the colon, and "a biography" should probably be "A Biography")
    • as above, Blamey : The Commander-in-Chief, should probably be: Blamey: The Commander-in-Chief.

AustralianRupert (talk) 10:42, 16 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page, such as the current discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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