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Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Samuel Burston

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Samuel Burston edit

Passed --Eurocopter (talk) 15:24, 9 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Nominator(s): Hawkeye7 (talk)
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I am nominating this article for A-Class review because... I'm not out of generals yet. A non-controversial one this time, Ginger Burston. Hawkeye7 (talk) 19:58, 29 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

 Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 07:38, 30 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • References and sources look alright.
    • The quote box and Headquarters I Corps picture are sandwiching text between them. Would it possible to move them around a bit?
 Done How about now? Hawkeye7 (talk) 07:38, 30 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

—Ed 17 (Talk / Contribs)

Will support after Bryce's review. the_ed17 :  Chat  02:28, 1 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Lol. I'll review the article within the next few days. Cheers, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 09:16, 1 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Support —Ed 17 (Talk / Contribs) 13:36, 8 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments Support

  • There is a bit or repetition and redundancy in the lead:
    • "was an Australian soldier, general..." - I don't really see the need for both. Perhaps just "was a senior officer in the Australian Army..."?
    • "who rose to the rank of Major General during World War II" - Burston's rank is already given with his name at the start of the lead, so I'm not really fussed on its placement here. Perhaps this snippet would better be placed in the second paragraph along with the other info on his Second World War service?
    •  Done Re-ordered it Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:46, 6 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • The "Education and early life" section is a little muddled up. The first paragraph goes down to his graduation from the University of Melbourne in 1910, then the start of the next pragraph begins with information on his militia service from 1900 only to go back to his graduation half way throght the paragraph. Could this be looked at?
    •  Done Looks like I deliberately split his civilian and military careers. Merged them back together. Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:46, 6 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Shouldn't his service years in the infobox be 1900–1905 and 1912–1948?
  • For consistancy, I'd recommend the "Great War" paragraph be renamed "World War I".
  • "Burston was awarded the Royal Humane Society of Australasia's Bronze Medal for saving the lives of two youths at Victor Harbor, South Australia in 1927." - can this be expanded further? What exactly did he do, what were the youths' injuries, etc?
    • Good question. I have fired off an email to his biographer. Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:46, 6 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • For consistancy, either use "World War II" or "Second World War", not one or the other.
  • Unless attached to a name, ranks should be uncapitalised.
    • Except, for some unaccountable reason, in the info box. Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:46, 6 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In this position, he found himself in charge of officers like Downes who were senior to him militarily, and like Fairley and Mackerras who were superior in professional status." - I think this sentence requires a cite directly after it as it can be considered quite a claim.
    •  Done I wouldn't have thought so... but I have replaced it with a quote. Now they are superior to him intellectually as well... Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:46, 6 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is it known why he moved to the United Kingdom in 1945?
    •  Done Yes, but I had to comb the shelves here to find it.... Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:46, 6 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • The first paragraph of the "Later life" section just reads as more of a list of appointments to me.
    • I'll rewrite it when some more material becomes available. Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:46, 6 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • When he retired as DGMS, I presume he also retired from the army? If so, it should be mentioned.
  • Why was he appointed a Knight Commander of the Order of the British Empire in 1952?
    •  Done Presumably for his services as DGMS, it being the military division of the knighthood, but there was no citation... Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:46, 6 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
      • You could add that it was in the New Years Honours rations. For some reason it doesn't seem to say this explicitly in the Gazette as it usually does, but it is in the AWM record... Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:12, 9 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The Burston Grandstand and Burston Lawn at the Moonee Valley racecourse are named in his honour." - requires a cite.
  • I don't see the need for the "Dates and age of rank" section. Is there any reason why it is included?
  • Same for the "Awards and decorations" section?

Cheers, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 00:59, 2 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments - very good, nice to see a medico getting such prominence here - some points:

  • Intro: Lead looks a bit titchy for A-Class or even GA - two paras is fine but they should both be decent size.
  • World War I: Burston remained in hospital until September 1916, when he was posted to the 11th Field Ambulance, part of the 3rd Division, then training at Larkhill in England. Do we mean the 11th Field Ambulance was then (in) training? Or the whole 3rd Division? Or was it just Burston who was training - think the grammar could be improved to remove any confusion...
  • Between the wars: Again, generally expect at least 2 paras per section or subsection to make them worthwhile, and would've hoped we could get 2 paras on him here... Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:42, 9 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page, such as the current discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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