Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Alan Deere

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.


Article promoted by Hog Farm (talk) via MilHistBot (talk) 23:20, 9 October 2021 (UTC) « Return to A-Class review list[reply]

Instructions for nominators and reviewers

Nominator(s): Zawed (talk)

Alan Deere (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

Al Deere was probably the best known of the New Zealand flying aces of the Second World War due to his successes during the Battles of France and Britain, but also to his numerous close calls. I think he is a particularly interesting individual and I have enjoyed working up the article into its present state. It went through the GA process last May and I have since come back and made some revisions. As always, my thanks in advance to all those who stop by to provide comments and feedback. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 09:28, 26 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Support Comments by Ian

edit

I've begun my habitual copyedit and gotten up to the end of the Battle of Britain. Looks good, as expected -- at this stage I have one general comment and one specific:

  • I think there's a bit of fat that could be trimmed but I'd like to complete my general copyedit first, and also see if anyone else feels the same, before we look further at that.
  • Re. "in the hands of a good pilot was a tough nut to crack. Initially, it was faster in the dive, but slower in the climb; the Spitfire could out-turn but it was at a disadvantage in manoeuvres that entailed negative G forces [sic] -- I might be missing something but not sure why the [sic] is required...
  • Hmm, while lower-case "g" is correct I don't think the cap is a real prob in the quote. Since the "sic" made me go "Uh?" rather than the "G", you can guess my opinion! I suppose you could leave and see what others think... Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 08:35, 4 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 11:06, 26 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

  • Okay, completed my copyedit, trimming a bit but not taking a meat cleaver to it. Having checked image licences and with Nick's source review saving me some trouble, happy to support.
  • Just a suggestion re. sources: some interesting snippets about Deere in Stephen Bungay's Battle of Britain history, The Most Dangerous Enemy -- obviously I don't want to add much more detail to the article, and there are many BoB books you could mine, this just happens to be a choice account that I have handy. If interested I could tell you more or just go ahead and edit in and see what you think... Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 08:35, 4 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Hi Ian, thanks for the support and CE. I have a copy of Bungay, acquired after going through the GA process for this article. I'll pull it out and see what I can do. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 10:59, 4 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Support from Hawkeye7

edit
  • I don't think "Leader" needs to be capitalised in the headings. (MOS:HEADINGS)
  • Comma before fns 74, 102 (in later life), 103, 108 (scraping the barrel here)
  • Any idea when he was promoted to wing commander?
  • It will have been when he became wing leader at Biggin Hill in March 1943. However, the main source doesn't explicitly state that, it simply switches to referring to him as wing commander part way through the section dealing that period of the war. Zawed (talk) 09:17, 27 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Of the several New Zealanders who achieved the status of a fighter ace" Any idea how many there was?
  • There were quite a surprising number but I would prefer to not get into the exact amount as it will probably vary depending on how victories are tallied. Plus I don't have a source that tallies the exact number! Zawed (talk) 09:17, 27 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "By this time he had been promoted to air commodore" Could we have the exact date? (avoiding by then... by this time)
  • " In his later years, he suffered from cancer" Any idea what sort?
  • Consider adding Nine Lives to the Further reading list.

Looks good to me. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:49, 26 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review Hawkeye, much appreciated. Zawed (talk) 09:17, 27 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Source review - pass

edit

Looks good:

  • All sources are reliable
  • There's a heavy reliance on Al Deere: Wartime Fighter Pilot, but this seems OK as it looks to be the only full-length book on this person.
  • Spot checks:
    • Ref 80 (Thompson 1956, p. 174) - checks out
    • Ref 120 ("No. 43369". The London Gazette (Supplement). 26 June 1964. p. 5643.) - checks out
    • Ref 129 ( Moroney, Roger (5 January 2014). "Spitfire roars back into life". Hawke's Bay Today) - checks out
  • No issues with close paraphrasing with these spot checks. Nick-D (talk) 04:27, 4 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Image review - pass

edit

All images Crown Copyright or, in one case each, CC0 and a user's own work. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 05:15, 4 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Ian. Zawed (talk) 07:56, 4 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by AustralianRupert

edit

Support: G'day, great work as always. Just a few minor nitpicks from me: AustralianRupert (talk) 13:19, 8 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

  • infobox says service year 1937-1967, but the lead indicates he joined the RAF in 1938. This seems inconsistent.
  • "a worker with the New Zealand Railways" --> "a New Zealand Railways worker"?
  • "he represented Wanganui at the New Zealand Boxing Championship": do we know where he placed in this competition?
  • No, unfortunately I don't and can't get access to Smith, the main source, at the moment because of being in lockdown. My other sources don't how he placed but I think they would mention it if he had done particularly well. Zawed (talk) 02:56, 9 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "flying convoy patrols" --> "flying convoy escort patrols"?
  • "although with his Spitfire badly damaged with its engine on fire" --> "although his Spitfire was badly damaged with its engine on fire"?
  • "in an incidence of friendly fire" --> move the link to the first mention of friendly fire
  • "rank of flight lieutenant" --> already linked earlier
  • "his biographer considers" --> suggest naming this author in text
AustralianRupert, thanks for taking a look at this one. Hope life is treating you and yours well over there. Zawed (talk) 02:56, 9 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
G'day, thanks for your tweaks, I have added my support now. Everyone back home is well, thanks. Hoping to see them soon. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 13:46, 9 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.