Wikipedia:Peer review/Tom Simpson/archive1

Tom Simpson

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I need feedback before taking it to FAR. It's had a thorough copy edit from WP:GOCE and has recently gained promotion to GA.

Thanks, BaldBoris 00:46, 21 November 2013 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments

Very thorough account of a largely forgotten British sportsman. I don't have time for a full review, but after what was pretty much a speed-read, here are a few random observations which you may find helpful:

• The lead should a summary overview of what's in the article. You don't need citations in the lead to support that Simpson was one of Britain's most successful professional cyclists, or that he is held in high esteem by many cyclists. These are summary accounts of what is detailed and cited within the main text.

 Done BaldBoris 16:45, 3 December 2013 (UTC)

• Overall, I found rather too much detail in the race descriptions. Some of these might be of interest to cycling fans but they are likely to be too much for the general reader. I feel the article could be pared down on these details without any loss to its overall coherence.
• The format of complex tour races such as the Tour de France is very difficult for the non-enthusiasts, made even more so when accompanied by so much detail. For example, in the account of the 1962 Tour de France, we have Simpson in second place overall, then finishing 18th in the following stage – and being awarded the leader's yellow jersey. I can work out how that happened, but it is far from clear, and readers may well be confused.

 Done BaldBoris 04:48, 29 May 2015 (UTC)

• At times I found the prose more akin to that of reports in a cycling magazine. e.g. your use of formulations as "he then punctured", which makes no sense outside sports reportage, and repeatedly, "Simpson rode [race name]" rather than "Simpson rode in [race name]".

 Done BaldBoris 22:57, 3 December 2013 (UTC)

• In the account of events leading up to Simpson's death, we learn that he fell ill during stage 10. We hear nothing of stage 11, only that before stage 12 he got confliciting advice as to what to do. Then we are straight into stage 13. These gaps in the narrative need to be filled, however briefly.

 Done BaldBoris 09:03, 7 May 2015 (UTC)

• The section heading "Curse of the yellow jersey" is not encyclopedic

 Done BaldBoris 16:45, 3 December 2013 (UTC)

• You need to avoid descriptions such as respected journalist

 Done BaldBoris 16:45, 3 December 2013 (UTC)

• Check the page range for ref 140.

 Done BaldBoris 16:45, 3 December 2013 (UTC)

I'm sorry that these suggestions are somewhat disjointed, but they may help you to improve the article. Brianboulton (talk) 00:31, 3 December 2013 (UTC)

Your comments are a huge help to me. Thanks for taking the time to do this. BaldBoris 22:57, 3 December 2013 (UTC)

Suggestions generated by an automatic JavaScript program

Suggestions generated by an automatic JavaScript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

• The lead of this article may be too long, or may contain too many paragraphs. Please follow guidelines at WP:LEAD; be aware that the lead should adequately summarize the article.^[?]
• The lead is for summarizing the rest of the article, and should not introduce new topics not discussed in the rest of the article, as per WP:LEAD. Please ensure that the lead adequately summarizes the article.^[?]
• Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), when doing conversions, please use standard abbreviations: for example, miles -> mi, kilometers squared -> km², and pounds -> lb.^[?]
• Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), avoid using special characters (ex: &+{}[]) in headings.
• Per WP:WIAFA, this article's table of contents (ToC) may be too long – consider shrinking it down by merging short sections or using a proper system of daughter pages as per Wikipedia:Summary style.^[?]
• This article may need to undergo summary style, where a series of appropriate subpages are used. For example, if the article is United States, then an appropriate subpage would be History of the United States, such that a summary of the subpage exists on the mother article, while the subpage goes into more detail.^[?]
• Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.^[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas.

• Checklinks found one or more dead links on Tom Simpson.

-(t) Josve05a (c) 02:43, 24 November 2013 (UTC)