Wikipedia:Peer review/The Quatermass Xperiment/archive1

The Quatermass Xperiment

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'm hoping to nominate it as a Featured Article. Since I've never gone through the FA process, I'd appreciate some feedback here first. I first started working on this article at the end of 2008 and it easily breezed through the GA process. Since then a lot more books and other works have appeared related to Hammer Films and this film, which is significant in the history of Hammer Films and the development of horror films generally, and I have expanded further, mainly using the Conan the Barbarian (1982 film) article as my guide for what makes a FA standard article.

Thanks, Joe King (talk) 19:22, 8 January 2012 (UTC)

Comments from Sarastro

This is an extremely well researched and enjoyable article. As far as I can tell as a non-expert, it seems comprehensive and the sourcing looks good. I've quite a list of nit-picks, but most of them are minor.

Lead

• "However, it becomes very clear that something infected Carroon during the flight": Maybe cut back to "However, something infected [or has infected. I'm never sure about tenses in plot description!] Caroon during the flight"
• "he rapidly begins mutating into an alien organism": Either "he begins mutating" or "he rapidly mutates".
• "upset Nigel Kneale who frequently criticised the film": I'm not sure this comes across in the main body.
• "In his approach to making the fantastic nature of the film's plot convincing to audiences, Val Guest aimed to employ a high degree of realism…" A little too wordy: what about "To make the film's plot convincing to audiences, Val Guest employed a high degree of realism…"
• "the first of many scores he would compose for Hammer": No need for "would compose", "composed" would be better.
• "The film enjoyed a highly successful release in the United Kingdom": I never like "enjoyed" used like this, and not sure about "highly successful". What about "Upon its release in the United Kingdom, the film was [highly/very - but this implies editorial judgement] successful…"
• "Its success led to Hammer producing…" What about "Its success influenced Hammer to produce…"
• "leading to them becoming synonymous with the genre": Maybe "making them synonymous with the genre"?
• Possibly the lead devotes too much to the one plot change at the end of the film and to the realism. I'm not sure the rest of the article is sufficiently covered in the lead: for example, the casting , make-up or critical response.

• Have amended the lede taking into account many of the points made above. Still needs a line or two on the critical response, which I'll come back to later. - Joe King (talk) 23:08, 3 February 2012 (UTC)

Plot

• "…and its three occupants - Carroon, Reichenheim and Green - is lost.": I think these should be emdashes, according to MoS.

• Done - Joe King (talk) 01:00, 28 January 2012 (UTC)

• "Quatermass and Briscoe track the creature to Westminster Abbey. Examination of tissue samples taken from Carroon has led Quatermass to conclude that the alien creature that has taken him over will eventually cause him to spore, endangering all of humanity as the organisms spread": Maybe "From his examination of tissue samples, Quatermass concludes that [an or the: this is the first mention of an alien creature in this section. It depends if the film has established an alien as involved by this stage or if it is just implied] alien creature has taken over Caroon and will eventually spore, endangering all of humanity." [Not sure about "as the organisms spread": is this referring to the spores, or the creatures that they grow into? Maybe better to leave it out anyway]

• Done - Joe King (talk) 01:00, 28 January 2012 (UTC)

Development

• "it was an enormous success": Another judgement; maybe just leave as "success" unless it can be evidenced or quantified.

• Evidenced by the quote that follows from Robert Simpson, surely? - Joe King (talk) 01:00, 28 January 2012 (UTC)

• "who was immediately keen on buying the rights to make a film version.": Maybe "…keen to buy the rights for a film version."

• Done - Joe King (talk) 01:00, 28 January 2012 (UTC)

• "with one executive expressing reservations that The Quatermass Experiment was not suitable material for the company" Reads like the executive felt it was unsuitable for the BBC; also, why did he consider it unsuitable for the company, which I imagine was largely unknown?

• It's possible the executive also felt it was unsuitable for the BBC given the disdain most senior management would have had at the time for television and science fiction! Hammer would have been well known to the BBC since several of their radio series had been adapted by them. I think the article should probably make some reference to that but I need to have a bit more of think about how to go about it. - Joe King (talk) 01:00, 28 January 2012 (UTC)

• Added something to this effect now - Joe King (talk) 20:23, 4 February 2012 (UTC)

Writing

• "Further stylistic changes were sought by the BBC": Such as?

• Done - Joe King (talk) 01:00, 28 January 2012 (UTC)

• I can understand why Briscoe would return to being British after an American was cast as the lead, but why should Q be re-promoted? (And why was he demoted in the first place in the script?)

• Not known. I suspect that Landau assumed Quatermass would be played by a Brit so probably demoting him made Briscoe's relationship with Quatermass less subservient (Briscoe, being a Flight Surgeon would also be a doctor). But that falls under original research - Joe King (talk) 01:00, 28 January 2012 (UTC)

Casting

• Two of the actors have a sentence describing their later life and death. The others don't: could this be made consistent?

• Done - Joe King (talk) 01:00, 28 January 2012 (UTC)

• ""he-men roles - rough, tough and realistic"": Should this be an emdash?

• Done - Joe King (talk) 01:00, 28 January 2012 (UTC)

Filming

• "Hired to direct the film was Val Guest": Why this slightly odd construction rather than "VAl Guest was hired to direct the film"?

• Done - Joe King (talk) 01:00, 28 January 2012 (UTC)

• "and only began reading them after being teased for being "ethereal" by his wife, Yolande Donlan." I'm not too sure what this means.

• Hopefully have made this clearer now - Joe King (talk) 01:00, 28 January 2012 (UTC)

• Incidentally on Guest, were there any comments from critics specifically on his direction?

• The review in the Guardian quoted below is the best there is and specifically picks up on his cinema verité style - Joe King (talk) 01:00, 28 January 2012 (UTC)

• "low even by the standards of Hammer at the time": Any comparison with other Hammer films, or other films in general?

• Beyond the fact that the quoted source says so, no. And there is also the quote that follows from Les Bowie - Joe King (talk) 01:00, 28 January 2012 (UTC)

• Lights out shot: It may be interesting to explain how this appeared on the film. Did it include just the Abbey or did the catch a shot of a wider area?

• The shot is of Battersea power station not the Abbey. Need to think about how to rework this to make it clearer - Joe King (talk) 01:00, 28 January 2012 (UTC)

• Think I've managed to find a simple fix - Joe King (talk) 23:08, 3 February 2012 (UTC)

Makeup and special effects

• Any comments on the effectiveness of the monster?

• If you mean comments from critics, not much - Joe King (talk) 01:00, 28 January 2012 (UTC)

Cinema release

• "It has been alleged that an audience member, a nine-year old boy who suffered a ruptured artery, died of fright during a showing of this double bill in Oak Park, Illinois.": Alleged by who? I think this story needs a better provenance than just "alleged".

• Improved this by reference to story in Variety - Joe King (talk) 01:00, 28 January 2012 (UTC)

• And also to its entry in the Guinness Book of Records - Joe King (talk) 20:23, 4 February 2012 (UTC)

Legacy

• How could Neale refuse permission to use the Quatermass character in 1956 if the BBC owned the rights? And how could Hammer produce the two sequels by the same token?

• Good question. After the sale of The Quatermass Experiment to Hammer Kneale demanded and secured greater control over his work, including Quatermass, from the BBC. The sequels were made with Kneale's consent and he also worked on the screenplays. Have amended both the Development and the Legacy sections to reflect this. - Joe King (talk) 01:00, 28 January 2012 (UTC)

General

• I have not looked at the sourcing and I have not completed any spot checks.
• I do not usually watch PR, so if you have any questions or comments, let me know on my talk page. --Sarastro1 (talk) 18:24, 22 January 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for the very useful comments! Some of the points that I haven't yet answered I either want to think about how to reflect in the article or I need to do a bit more research. The lead needs a complete rewrite. Will come back on some more of these soon! - Joe King (talk) 01:00, 28 January 2012 (UTC)