Wikipedia:Peer review/Tahirih Justice Center/archive1

Tahirih Justice Center edit

Hey guys, I'm looking to make this article featured eventually, but I think it still needs some work. Basically I just want some copyedits and opinions on whether the information is conveyed effectively. Also don't hesitate to mention any other areas you can think of where the article needs work. Thank you very much.UberCryxic 16:29, 2 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I'm half-watching TV so I can't concentrate, but the article looks great, with many references and extensive. Maybe a tad of advertisement tone, with the boasting of statistics, but other than that it looks good. AdamBiswanger1 22:33, 3 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your comments. I was worried about that tone a little. Can you identify some specific sentences that you think might need work? Again, thanks very much.UberCryxic 00:57, 4 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Well, like I said, it's a very good article, so anything I bring up is going to be minor. My first question is, is there anything from the opposing side that can be written? It reads a bit like a brochure, with alot of touchy-feely stuff "Tahirih's work with women and girls is aimed at making these hopes a realization. As part of this mission, Tahirih seeks to promote justice for women and girls worldwide and helps the persecuted among them acquire legal protection in the United States". Not that there's anything wrong with that, per se, but in addition to having a "criticism" section, how about interweaving criticisms? A bit more dry, more encyclopedic I dunno it's 11:12 EST, and I have to wake up in 7 hours, but I'll be sure to take another look tomorrow (and make some actual edits). Talk to you then- AdamBiswanger1 03:14, 4 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]