Wikipedia:Peer review/Super Smash Bros. Brawl/archive3

Super Smash Bros. Brawl edit

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for May 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I am still pushing for FA status, and that failed FAC only made the article so much better. I am working on finding suitable replacements for the last two images on the article, but in the meantime, any kind of comments, questions, or issues are welcome. Please, tell me everything you've got! haha169 (talk) 03:04, 16 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Dihydrogen Monoxide edit

Here I am, as promised! :)

"video fighting games" - "fighting video games" is better IMO
"collaborated within a rented Tokyo office and worked on creating Brawl, which was formally released in Japan on 31 January 2008" --> "collaborated on Brawl at a rented Tokyo office. The game was released in Japan on..." (and then change "the game" to "it" (or something) in next sentence)
"This installment" --> "Brawl"
"It also supports multiplayer battles" - Brawl, or single player? Obvious but clarify.
"noticed Brawl's "spectacular" soundtrack, "spanning a generous swath of gaming history"." - how do you notice a soundtrack? Commented on?
In particular" - there is no context for the in particular here, so it sounds awkward...
"for a total of four possible control styles." - this can be counted, you don't need to say it...
"In addition to the standard multiplayer mode, Super Smash Bros. Brawl" - prior to this it's always referred to as Brawl...be consistent (also check Melee vs. Super Smash Bros. Melee throughout)
"allowing players to relive defining moments of the characters' pasts." - example?
"At the pre-E3 2005 press conference, the president of Nintendo, Satoru Iwata," - needs less commas..."...Nintendo president Saturo Iwata..." would be better
"As far as Wi-Fi play is concerned" - sounds awkward when the rest is in past tense
"Solid Snake is the first third-party character to make an appearance in a Smash Bros. game." - italics for Smash Bros. please
"Subspace Emissary adventure mode. He also described the graphics as "an enhanced version of Melee" - SE italics not needed, nor is Melee wlink
"and 1.61 million units total as of 31 March 2008" - by this stage I've forgotten the release date, so this lacks context...not sure how to solve it, any ideas?

Hope this helps. Cheers, dihydrogen monoxide (H₂O) 03:39, 19 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I've fixed all those problems. Thank you for your time in reviewing this! So many minor problems...that was the issue on the FAC. --haha169 (talk) 00:51, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]