Wikipedia:Peer review/Street Children in Thailand/archive1

Street Children in Thailand

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like some help with this article. I'm quite new with wikipedia. Thanks a lot!

Thanks, Ec3371ngo32 (talk) 04:23, 24 February 2012 (UTC)EC3371ngo32

Finetooth comments: Thank you for your work on this article about an important topic. Here are a few suggestions for further improvement:

• More details about these children would improve the article. What are their ages? How many are boys, and how many are girls? Where do they find places to sleep? What do they eat, and how do they get it? Are there any shelters for them? Is anyone working to help them? Have any books been written about them? Why are so many of these children non-nationals? How did they get from other countries to Thailand?
• Perhaps a whole section called "Response" could be added that would elaborate on what the Thai government, NGOs, church groups, or anyone else is doing to address the problem.
• Change the title to "Street children in Thailand" with a small "c" on "children".
• Use the lead to provide a brief summary of the main text sections rather than making it an introductory paragraph with information that is not covered by the main text. WP:LEAD has details.
• Combine the NGO definition with the "Categories" section to create a "Definition" section.
• Use the statistical material from what is now the last part of the opening paragraph to create a "Description" section that follows the "Definition" section and explains who these children are and how many.
• Instead of linking directly from within the text to an external site, use an inline citation. This would apply to the foundation linked to in the opening paragraph.
• Use straight prose paragraphs rather than numbered or bulleted lists where feasible.
• When a source is written in a language other than English, use the |format parameter in the "cite" family of templates and write the name of the language there.
• "Perhaps most worrying of all,... " - Instead of editorial comments like this, it's best to stick with a strictly neutral statement unless you are directly quoting a reliable source. Better here would be "In addition,... "
• Since you linked Thailand on first use, best to link things like Khmer and Burmese too.
• Linked terms like "street child" that appear in the main text should not also appear in the "See also" section.

• Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 23:02, 1 March 2012 (UTC)