Simpson and Delilah edit
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because... although its probably a long way from FA, its a GA right now, and I would like to see what could me done to improve it further. Thanks, « Milk's Favorite Cøøkie 22:53, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
- Comment by Sillyfolkboy:
- State "egyptian dance" in the couch gag, as the BBC source states.
- Expand the lead by including a little information from the production and reception sections.
- In Plot - Expand "ad" to advertisement for clarity. Is "miracle breakthrough" a direct quote from the episode? If not, remove the inverted commas. Can you replace "go-getter" with a better synonym? I think it's a quote from the episode if my mind's working well but I think there's a better way of describing it. Also replace the second Homer in that sentence with "him" instead. "The next day, Homer, bald again, arrives at the meeting" should be rephrased to read less awkwardly.
- Shift the Karl picture so that it doesn't push the "plot" header (Move pic to end and place {{clear}} after it.
- In reception - wikilink the Nielsen rating on its first occurrence.
- In production - the first source doesn't seem to support the idea that it "fascinated the writers". You can cite the BBC source for the gay slogan use perhaps. Maybe a little something in the lead about this early open showing of homosexuality on primetime tv?
- Referencing - why the hell is ref #2 linking to Itchy Scratchy and Poochie info? Italics for "The Record", "Deseret News" and "Tampa Tribune". Wikilink BBC and entertainment weekly in the refs.
If these problems are all dealt with I may post more suggestions to improve the article.
If you found this peer review helpful please consider doing one yourself. Choose one from the backlog, where i found this article or take a look at WP:Peer Review.
Thanks. Sillyfolkboy (talk) 01:57, 4 August 2008 (UTC)