Saint Louis Abbey edit
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it was requested by User:Mjinkm at WT:CATHOLIC#Saint_Louis_Abbey
Thanks, Alvincura (talk) 21:04, 6 May 2010 (UTC)
Comments by H1nkles
Thank you for your contributions I'll review this article for content and Manual of Style compliance.
Lead
- The Lead should cover every aspect of the article in a summary fashion. I don't see anything in the lead about the history of the abbey. This should be included. See WP:LEAD for more detailed information about writing leads.
History
- This sentence is a run-on:
- "Saint Louis Abbey was founded in 1955 as a priory of the Benedictine Ampleforth Abbey in North Yorkshire, England, which dispatched three monks to plant a new foundation in St. Louis at the invitation of Cardinal Joseph E. Ritter and a group of prominent St. Louis lay Catholics, who desired a boys' school in their community run according to the English Benedictine educational tradition."
- Consider breaking it up, perhaps putting the reason for founding the abbey as its own sentence.
- For those unfamiliar with the acronym I would spell out "Father" or "Friar" (I'm not sure which one the "Fr" is referring to) the first time it is used rather than using "Fr" straight away.
- One sentence paragraphs are frowned upon, consider expanding or combining.
Present day
- Can a link be provided for solemnly professed and simple vows? To the novice these terms are baffling. I'm sure there are articles in WP about the heirarchy of monastic vows in catholicism. I think this would help.
- Acronyms should be spelled out the first time they are used (see: EBC).
- I'm not sure about this description:
- "...famous Italian architect and engineer Pier Luigi Nervi...."
- Terms like "famous" can be construed as a peacock word. If he was famous then there should be a link to his article in WP. I'd remove the "famous" adjective.
Overall
- I like the article it's well-written and informative. There isn't a great deal of flowery language or unnecessary verbage.
- I'm wondering if more could be added though. For example:
- Is the school part of the Abbey? If so then more should be added about the school.
- Specifically the enrollment, co-ed or boys only, sister schools, notable alumni, etc. I note there is an article on school itself yet still a section about the school in this article with a Main article link would be appropriate.
- What (if any) role does the Abbey play in the community? Do they have ministries in St. Louis? What about youth ministries, elderly ministries, missions work overseas?
- This concludes my review, if you found it helpful consider reviewing an article here or at WP:GAC to help reduce the backlog. If you have questions or concerns please contact me on my talk page. Best of luck to you. H1nkles (talk) citius altius fortius 17:57, 11 May 2010 (UTC)