Wikipedia:Peer review/New Cutie Honey/archive1

New Cutie Honey edit

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for December 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because ten months after splitting the article from Cutie Honey, and almost a week after its current B-class rating, I don't think I have much more to add about the 1994 OVA series. In short, I want to make it a GA, at least.

I've noticed several discussions (such as this and this), suggesting e.g. that plot info and minor characters should be left out of the "Characters" section. To date I've considered the villains of each episode to be minor and have left them out. What (or who) else should be removed (or added) there? How should I split out plot-related character stuff: to a subsection of "Production" or "Characters", or should I just remove it? What other info should I re-arrange?
- I'd suggest, moving the characters section to List of Cutie Honey characters as a foundation for a character list for the whole franchise, and simply placing a {{See also|List of Cutie Honey characters}} on top of the plot section. -- Goodraise (talk) 15:36, 27 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  Check the list and main article, I moved the characters. With all the Honey media out there, though, I won't even attempt to make that list comprehensive. --an odd name 22:40, 27 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  
  (I split off a list of episodes as well.) --an odd name 01:22, 29 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  
  (See also the merge suggestion I made at Talk:Cutie Honey The Live.) --an odd name 06:30, 31 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  I decided to put the character list back. I unindented it and put the voice-actor lines within the prose (at the end), and there might still be plot (in Spider, etc.) that can be moved to the episode list I split off, so it might be barely small enough to stay. The size of the bigger listings (Honey, Danbei, Chokkei, Dolmeck) might be a problem, but I think they are justified by their relative importance and length of time in the OVA. --an odd name 00:09, 1 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  An embedded list is fine. Right now however, the character section is too large. Could you reduce it to a thrid of its current size? (You might want to look at Serial Experiments Lain for inspiration.) -- Goodraise (talk) 19:58, 1 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  Not sure I can get it to a third of the original, but check now. I moved cameo stuff to the "Production" section. --an odd name 21:32, 1 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  The only statement of the third paragraph of "Production and background" that's relevant is "Jessica Calvello [...] was hand-picked by Nagai to perform the voice of Honey". The rest is off-topic to the article. -- Goodraise (talk) 23:03, 1 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  
  The reduced size of the characters section is a lot better, especially with the increased "Production and background" section, but it is still too large. At the very least, it should not be the largest section. -- Goodraise (talk) 23:03, 1 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  I've reduced it still further, and tried to lengthen and copyedit other sections. I doubt it'll ever get to the desired length (short of making the characters unrecognizable, or using non-prose or shorthand) but I've proposed deletion of the spinoff article as it'll now only serve to dupe everything in the main one. Won't go for speedy-delete as others have edited it. --an odd name 22:59, 3 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  This size is good. -- Goodraise (talk) 23:16, 3 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
~~I'm considering removing the stuff about George Manley in "Reception" that I added, because he is an ADV voice actor. Thoughts? Should CmdrTaco's review be axed too?~~
Taco's been removed (both sites linked by the statement are down anyway). --an odd name 22:59, 3 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
If George Manley isn't independent, perhaps his statements fit into the "Production and background" section? -- Goodraise (talk) 23:16, 3 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Sounds right to me. Moved. --an odd name 23:37, 3 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Lacking reliable English sources for many facts, I tried to make some reasonable Japanese translations based on what Unihan (一応, "for the time being", was surprisingly troubling for online translators—Web programmers take note!), http://nihongo.j-talk.org/, translation sites, the little Japanese I've actually learned in school, and common sense could all tell me; I'm pretty sure I've screwed something up.
I have yet to find any sales figures or Japanese reviews for this series. Anyone know of sources containing them?

I'd welcome any other suggestions for improvement. (This is my first peer review request.)

Thanks, an odd name 19:30, 26 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I've done a few edits to clear things up for me, and I've a couple of questions - was Daiko a sukeban, perchance? Why is Go Nagai's image right down at the very bottom? Why don't the individual episodes have episode summaries? I've added a line to Danbei saying that he's a carry-on character from the 70s versions of Cutie Honey, as the summary kind of raises a question, by saying he is *now* such-and-such. Someone who is unfamiliar with the franchise may get confused. The article is really very good!!!!! :D --Malkinann (talk) 08:03, 27 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your edits, Malkinann (I still don't like "gynoid" because that article isn't well-sourced on that, but I'll keep it in). For your three questions:

According to geocities.com/mayor_light, Daiko and Akakabu are, in fact, modeled after two characters from Nagai's Oira Sukeban (Delinquent in Drag). I hope e.g. the Perfect Guides say more on this, as fansites aren't quite the best sources and it would be nice to say more than "well see, some guy on Geocities says they kinda look alike, and well they kinda do, there you go that's my source!" (There's also this slightly related fact that I can't quite verify, lacking the actual encyclopedia or even a page #.)
I moved Go to "Production" and re-staggered the images and media.
That'll take a while. :(

--an odd name 08:52, 27 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I tried to fill in some episode summaries (more still need to be written, so I'll have to watch the whole series again which I won't mind :P) and address suggestions. Some things I mentioned weren't talked about, but were minor to me anyway. Frankly I think the main article is (at least damn close to) a GA now, so I'll close this review; I thank Malkinann, Goodraise, and Ryulong (who commented here) for their help and comments. To quote Magus, "Forward..." --an odd name 20:53, 6 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]