Myles Standish edit
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've recently been working on a major re-vamp and expansion of this page, adding a large amount of narrative, images, etc. I'm considering submitting it for FA status and would appreciate any suggestions, comments, contributions, etc. that might help it to qualify. Thanks, Historical Perspective (talk) 14:13, 13 March 2010 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: This is close to FA quality. The images and their licenses need a bit of work, and I have several suggestions related to the Manual of Style. Generally, though, this is excellent and makes an enjoyable and informative read.
Lead
- You might add to the first sentence that Plymouth Colony was in what became the U.S. state of Massachusetts.
Images
- The image File:MylesStandish.gif should be replaced by a larger JPG uploaded to the Commons and described more completely. The description page should include a link to the source document or to the main page of the site it appears on, (here maybe)
- The image File:MayflowerHarbor.jpg has a description page on the Commons with a link to the source that is circular; that is, it should link to a page that explains what the source is (museum, gallery?) and provide other details about the image rather than simply linking to the image itself with no explanation.
Birthplace and early military service
- The Manual of Style in WP:MOSQUOTE says, "As much as possible, avoid linking from within quotes, which may clutter the quotation, violate the principle of leaving quotations unchanged, and mislead or confuse the reader." For that reason, I'd unlink "Ormskirke" and anything else linked inside the direct quotes in the article. After you've unlinked these, you might want to link them on first use elsewhere; e.g. Isle of Man.
- "Dr. Jeremy Bangs, a leading scholar of Pilgrim history... " - WP:CREDENTIAL advises against using academic titles such as "Dr.". The description, "a leading scholar of Pilgrim history" is fine, but the "Dr." should be deleted.
- "However, the Pilgrims ultimately passed on Smith partly because his price was too high but also due to fears that his fame and bold character might lead him to become a dictator." - Maybe "... and because they feared" rather than "... but also due to"?
Establishment of Plymouth Colony
- "They had originally intended, and been given permission by the Crown... " - Replace "They" with "the Pilgrims" for clarity?
Settlement in Duxbury
- "There are indications that, by 1635 (after the Penobscot expedition), Standish began to seek out a quieter life... ". - Tighten by deleting "out"?
- "Although the coincidence would suggest that Standish had something to do with the naming of Duxbury, Massachusetts, no records exist to indicate how the town was named." - Needs a citation to a source.
Legacy
- "At the top of the monument, which is 116 feet (35 m) overall, stands a 14-foot (4.3 m) statue of Standish." - Needs a citation. A good rule of thumb is to provide a source for every set of statistics, every direct quotation, and every claim that has been challenged or is apt to be challenged. In addition, I always give at least one source for every paragraph whether or not it has a direct quote, stats, or unusual claims. I would, for example, cite a source for the unsourced paragraph that ends this section.
Other
- The tools at the top of this review page find no problems with links, dabs, or alt text. Excellent.
I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 03:17, 20 March 2010 (UTC)
- Thanks very much for your comments. I'm glad it's a good read. I've addressed your suggestions as follows:
- Lead: I added as phrase about present day Massachusetts to the first sentence.
- Images: The Myles Standish portrait I haven't fixed yet but will very shortly. I have access to an original copy of the Memorial History of Boston in which this was first published and I will make and upload a new scan so that I don't have to rely on this low-res one from off the web. Can't do this 'til Monday, though. On the second image, I've edited the file description on Wikimedia Commons and added a better link to a page which shows the file and describes the museum from which it came. Hope this satisfactorily resolves the issue with the Mayflower image.
- Birthplace: I made all these corrections. Thanks for helping to tighten the prose.
- Establishment: Added "The Pilgrims..."
- Settlement: Made the edit. Added a new citation for the naming of Duxbury.
- Legacy: Added the two citations you suggested.
- I think about covers it. Thanks again! Your help is much appreciated. I'm looking forward to giving this a try at FAC. Historical Perspective (talk) 14:36, 20 March 2010 (UTC)
- I just uploaded my own version of the Standish portrait from the Memorial History of Boston. It's much higher res and includes a better description and a link to the source on Google books. I think this resolves the issue with that image. Historical Perspective (talk) 23:08, 23 March 2010 (UTC)