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Wikipedia:Peer review/Military brat (US Subculture)/archive1

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Military brat

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This article was nominated for deletion at the start of the month when I first started working on it, it survived that nomination and has undergone extensive revisions since then. The article could use some copy-editing (my weak spot) so if you want to help out there, great. But otherwise, I'm looking to see if the content makes sense, is it well organized, does it flow, how can I improve it?Balloonman 06:45, 23 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

One area of concern is the US focus on this article... any thoughts on how to improve it would be appreciated. I've tried to do someBalloonman 18:25, 23 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • The article starts off very well but the end is quite weak. Why spend so much time talking one fictional character? If there are "numerous unofficial backcronyms", why is one man's edition given so much detail? It is very US centric especialy the parts on Racism and Homosexuality. The solution to that is to find more sources which have a non-US focus. --Birgitte§β ʈ Talk 18:57, 23 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    • I got rid of the last two paragraphs and summarized them into the introduction. As for the US centricity... I'm looking for non-US sources. Unfortunately, the only things that I've been able to find are American and done in the last 10-15 years. This appears to be a new area of research. Balloonman 08:10, 24 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • A quick read of some sections implies it needs a good copyedit and some of the wording is clumsy. Definitely US centric, I'm not sure families move as much in the UK as it appears they do in the US, i.e. the soldier is moved, but not necessarily the family. POV seems fairly balanced, but perhaps more from the point of view of someone who is a military brat perhaps. Terri G 149.155.96.6 16:13, 24 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    • Thank you Terri for your thoughts and insight. I have to wonder what affect having the soldier move and the family not move has on a brat? Does this mean that a soldier will be stationed in northern England while the family lives in Southern England? Also, could you point out one or two of the "wording is clumsy" examples. I might read the section and never notice the problem because I wrote it. Again thanks for your input (that that goes for you too Birgitte, I forgot to explicitly say thanks.)Balloonman 16:28, 24 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]
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