Maya (M.I.A. album) edit
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
This is currently a G/\, but I'd like to take it to F/\, please let me know what might still need fixing.
Cheers!!! -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 12:59, 3 September 2010 (UTC)
- This did not have the headers, so I added them. The headers are what the bot looks for to transclude the PR at WP:PR. We have had some issues with template edits that broke things. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 14:38, 5 October 2010 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: This looks good to me except for some minor prose issues as noted below.
Lead
- "with both its musical style and lyrical content attracting both praise and criticism" - Delete the second "both"? I don't think you need it.
Composition and recording
- "in a home studio section to the Los Angeles house" - "section of" rather than "section to"?
- "She collaborated with writer/producer Blaqstarr" - The frontslash might indicate "and", or it might indicate "or". Rather than the frontslash, I'd use a hyphen: writer-producer.
- "Tracks for the album were whittled down from recording sessions of up to thirty hours in length." - Use digits for 30? Delete "in length" since it could be nothing else?
Music and lyrics
- M.I.A. stated "You can Google "Sri Lanka" and it... - Use single quotes for nesting; i.e., M.I.A. stated, "You can Google 'Sri Lanka' and it...
- "that she wished to produce something different to her previous album," - "different from" rather than "different to"?
- Opening track "The Message" parodies the words... - Shouldn't this be: The opening track, "The Message", parodies the words?
- "M.I.A. stated that the sound and imagery of the album capture a "digital ruckus", and elaborated "so many of us have become typists and voyeurs." - A bit smoother might be "M.I.A. stated that the sound and imagery of the album capture a "digital ruckus", adding that "so many of us have become typists and voyeurs."
- "M.I.A. used her mother's Tamil phonebook to find a wedding photographer to provide photography for the album.[34] Photographers... " - Rewrite slightly to avoid using "photograph" three times in a row.
- "Elements of the artwork had previously been used in one of a series of billboard images designed by musicians which were projected onto landmarks in London by a guerrilla project called BillBored during the 2010 British general election." - Since the musicians weren't projected, recast?
- 'In addition to conventional physical and digital formats, the album was released as an iTunes LP." - Suggestion: "The album was released in conventional physical and digital formats and as an iTunes LP."
Promotion
- "had been produced in collaboration with Rusko in protest at a travel piece about Sri Lanka printed" - "to protest a travel piece" rather than "in protest at a travel piece"?
- "the biggest of the ten-day music festival" - Digits for 10?
- "In September she announced a tour which would last until the end of the year,[70] during which she will also perform at the Austin City Limits Music Festival in October." - Verb-tense confusion. How about "which will last" instead of "which would last" to match "will perform"?
- "unreleased songs free with gifs and visuals" - Should "gifs" be explained or linked?
References
- The date formatting should be consistent throughout the refs. Citation 2 should be changed to d-m-y, like most of the others, for example. Maybe that's the only one that's out of sync.
I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR; that is where I found this one. I don't usually watch the PR archives or check corrections or changes. If my comments are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 23:36, 12 October 2010 (UTC)
/\dabow quick comments:
- per WP:ORDINAL numbers less than ten should be written out in full (although this can be taken to numbers up to 100), so chart positions and star ratings in the prose need attention.
- in the 'Personnel' section why use the same citation for every line? What you did at Kala (album) looks neater
Otherwise, looks pretty good! Adabow (talk · contribs) 22:15, 24 October 2010 (UTC)
- Cheers for the comments, all addressed I think apart from.......how do you write 2½ in words......? -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 07:55, 25 October 2010 (UTC)