Wikipedia:Peer review/Loham/archive1

Loham

I've listed this article for peer review because…article is on start class, and not checked for B class.

Thanks, Charles Turing (talk) 09:42, 28 August 2015 (UTC)

Comments from RO

Lead

• The first sentence is too long and should end after "state of Kerala".
• Per WP:LEADCITE, those citations ought to be in the body of the article, but not the lead.
• The film is produced by

"The film was produced by"?

But this WP:FILMLEAD says lead should be in present tense. Charles Turing (talk) 17:27, 29 August 2015 (UTC)

• Actress Mythili debuted as assistant director through the film

Drop "through the film".

• commenced in Calicut on March 2015.

"commenced in Calicut in March 2015.", unless you give a specific date.

Plot

• What is meant by "inside-outside story".

Development

• And source close to the production team

Should that "and" be "a"?

• Some various issues with subject verb agreement in this section.
• Later the project was also cancelled soon

Needs polishing.

• the script didn't come well

I sense a language barrier here. Be sure to ask a native English speaker to copyedit this for grammar.

Casting

• At the end of April 2015, reports came that Prithviraj being out of the project

Needs polishing

Crew

• which shelved 10 days before production

"which was shelved 10 days before production"?

Filming

• The filming was done in locations across Kozhikode, Kochi, Delhi and Dubai.[43]

It's odd to tack this on at the end, as it reads as a topic sentence that ought to come earlier in the section.

Marketing

• where Andrea, Ranjith and Mohanlal was seen

What is meant by "was seen"?

• Mohanlal said Loham talks about a serious issue in Kerala and hinted that the story may seem impossible in real life, but then that is cinema for you.

This is too informal, particularly "but then that is cinema for you", which reads as an unattributed quote.

Soundtrack

• The film's music is composed by Sreevalsan J. Menon and all lyrics are written by

There are issues with tense here and elsewhere, as this should be: "The film's music was composed by Sreevalsan J. Menon and all lyrics were written by".

Release

• which undergone during July 2015

This nonrestrictive ought to be set off with commas, and more issues with tense ironed out.

Critical reception

• Never begin a section with a one-sentence intro. Integrate into proper paragraphs.
• Organize this section better. Right now it's just a list of unconnected points. Make one paragraph positive and another negative, then wrap up with a third of more neutral comments.

Box office

• Some special screenings was arranged

"Some special screenings were arranged"

Conclusion

A valiant effort for sure, but I'm concerned about language barrier. The prose has decent bones, but it is littered with grammatical errors. Most of these are easy to fix, but the article needs a top to bottom copyedit by someone who can fix them before this goes to GAN. If you want some help just ask me at my talk, and I'll see what I can make time for, as it's a good article overall; it just needs lots of polishing. Keep up the great work! RO^(talk) 16:04, 29 August 2015 (UTC)

Surprisingly the major contributors are from anonymous random IP addresses. So there is no one to ask for help other than the administrators. And that is a great effort you have taken to read the entire article. Thanks for that. It will be very helpful if you could polish the article when time allows or by recommending more peer reviewers to take a look at the page. Thank You for you great support. --Charles Turing (talk) 16:59, 29 August 2015 (UTC)