Wikipedia:Peer review/List of Jacksonville Jaguars head coaches/archive1
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for December 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to receive feedback on how to improve it. Thanks! Gary King (talk) 21:21, 5 December 2008 (UTC)
- ThinkBlue's comments
- Lead
- This sentence ---> "There have been two head coaches for the Jacksonville Jaguars of the National Football League (NFL)", seems to simple. Maybe taking an example from the List of San Francisco 49ers head coaches page might help.
- All head coach lists use the same type topic sentence in the second para. It doesn't help that Jaguars coaches have an undistinguished history :S Dabomb87 (talk) 22:31, 7 December 2008 (UTC)
- Same section: You say that Jack Del Rio is the greatest Jaguars coach the franchise has ever seen, but then the next sentence says he is the current coach. Maybe if you take that sentence of him being the current coach and then adding he's the greatest coach in the teams franchise.
- This sentence ---> "There have been two head coaches for the Jacksonville Jaguars of the National Football League (NFL)", seems to simple. Maybe taking an example from the List of San Francisco 49ers head coaches page might help.
Overall, the article is good.
-- ThinkBlue (Hit BLUE) 22:17, 7 December 2008 (UTC)
- Alright I copyedited the lead a bit further. Gary King (talk) 22:30, 7 December 2008 (UTC)
Comments from Dabomb87 (talk · contribs)
I just made the simple fixes myself, the only other things I would say to do is trim the general references a little bit (or turn them into specific sources).What makes http://www.jt-sw.com reliable?Dabomb87 (talk) 22:36, 7 December 2008 (UTC)
- I moved them over. Gary King (talk) 22:43, 7 December 2008 (UTC)