Wikipedia:Peer review/Jumping Flash!/archive2

Jumping Flash! edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.

The previous peer review only received one comment, so I've re-listed it now because I am nearly submitting this for FAC. I am very enthusiastic about this article and game, so any comments that might help the FAC process a less of a nightmare would be very much appreciated.

Thanks, ☠ Jaguar ☠ 13:56, 13 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Tezero edit

Gah, I meant to get around to reviewing this and ended up forgetting. Here, I need to finish up an essay for Japanese and then I can start reviewing. Sorry about that. Tezero (talk) 19:28, 25 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Tezero, I already have most of the sources and am willing to do whatever it takes to get this up to an FA standard. Bearing in mind that this is a small game and it was hard enough to find sources as it is, I hope there is enough information to get this up to FA. Any comments will be very helpful.. ☠ Jaguar ☠ 23:00, 25 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Oh, it should be fine. Anyway:

Citation 9 (PreScreen) needs filling out
Why do the Edge (it's not capitalized, by the way) citations include... quadruple quotes ("")?
In citation 18, italicize GamePro (or put it in "journal=" if you're using the cite journal template)
Citation 16 (Allgame) needs a publisher; Allgame is the work if you're using the work/publisher scheme
Recommend listing "Jumping Flash" as the series in the infobox
"the mentally-insane astrophysicist, Baron Aloha" - either change "the" to "a" or nix the comma
"Planning to make large sums of profit from his own evil ingenuity" - "large sums of profit" is strange wording, and how would he be doing this?
Wait, where and what is Crater Planet? What's it like?
What's a Jet Pod?
WP:OVERLINK: rabbit, roller coaster, hourglass, resort, fireworks, Japanese, possibly bottle rocket
"desolate emptiness" - ???
"which are described as small, white, five-limbed creatures with small palm trees on their heads" - described where? In the manual, or in an in-game quote? Either way, cite it - of course, you could simply ditch the wording of it being a description if it's obvious enough.
"Jumping Flash! is composed of 6 worlds with 3 levels each, totalling 18 main levels, of which there are 7 boss levels and an extra 6 bonus stages available" - consider changing these, or at least all of them other than the 18, from Arabic numerals to written-out numbers
I'd write "Sonic the Hedgehog" all the way out
"Ultra was responsible for creating the mechanical rabbit protagonist, Robbit, feeling that they needed to veer far away from the "stereotypical science fiction vibe"" - how does a mechanical protagonist veer away from this? Or is it that he's a rabbit, not a little green man or a Master Chief?
"The character designs in Jumping Flash! were done by the Japanese studio MuuMuu Co. Ltd." - any more information on them? Any available cause of them and the MuuMuus sharing a name?
Don't list scores in the prose; instead, spend that real estate on further elaborating on the review text
Why is "PlayStation" linked again near the end of Reception?
You can go a bit more into detail (maybe a paragraph each, or one fairly large paragraph for them both) on the two sequels - and according to the navbox, isn't there a spinoff?
Some of the citations appear to lack authors where they're likely given, e.g. 3 (GameSpy), 5 (Joystiq).

Tezero (talk) 23:30, 25 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for you comments Tezero, they were very helpful and was just what this article needs to bring it closer to FA! I think I've addressed almost all of them; done the capital/italicisation issues, fixed the quadruple quotes and done the work/publisher stuff for the citations. Fixed the prose issues, removed "the" to an "a" (it reads better that way, you're right), reworded "large sums of profit" to a "large salary" (I think this is something better) and this is the funny part, regarding Crater Planet and the Jet Pods, no matter how many times I watch the cutscenes I just don't understand. Crater Planet is just the setting of the game, similar to Angel Island in Sonic 3 or the Lost Hex in Lost World if you like. Jet Pods are carrots. I'm afraid I can't elaborate further, they're just carrots the player collects in order to finish the game (I'll reword this in the article though). I have also addressed everything else you mentioned except the reception prose (which I will do later today) and writing a "sequals" section which should be good. Ref 3 (GameSpy) appears to have no author, however ref 5 does (which is now addressed).

Speaking of which, I think I should mention in the FAC opening that this game has no logic at all - it has missile shooting pigs, playing cards that attack you, a talking robotic rabbit and a German astrophysicist antagonist who wears a Hawaiian shirt. It's best played whilst high! ;-D ☠ Jaguar ☠ 16:02, 26 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I think I've addressed everything. I couldn't find reviews for EGM or Next Generation Magazine, they only exist in physical copies which sadly I cannot get my hands on. Should I remove then from the reception prose? Thanks for everything, but I still feel it's not yet ready for FAC! ☠ Jaguar ☠ 21:34, 29 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I thought someone found copies for you? Anyway, if you can't find old archives on their websites (which you might get on Metacritic or GameRankings, archiving the URL if necessary), they should probably be removed.

I would still suggest rewriting Reception - mainly, the review scores shouldn't be in the text. The text can simply be organized by review if you want, but I find it helpful to organize by issue; Pokémon Colosseum, one of my projects from a few years ago, is a simple example of this. Like, maybe you could start by what critics thought about the gameplay, then what they thought about the graphics, and so on. I don't remember where I first caught wind of this idea (though it's been quite a while), but it's never led me astray. Tezero (talk) 22:16, 29 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for that, I'll go have a look as I always struggle on writing reception sections for some reason. Hibana very kindly gave me a few copies of reviews, but EGM nor The Next Generation Magazine were among them. The reception section is possibly the only thing standing in the way of the FAC at the moment, so I'll get to rewriting it! ☠ Jaguar ☠ 16:48, 30 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]