Wikipedia:Peer review/Joey Santiago/archive1

Joey Santiago edit

I'm looking to take this to featured status soon. Any comments on comprehensiveness, arrangement or quality of prose welcome. CloudNine 12:35, 25 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Review by GaryColemanFan edit

I went through and did a copyedit to check for minor writing errors. I fixed everything I could find. As far as the article as a whole goes, I think it's looking great. It's got a lot of great information and seems to be well-sourced. If I had to pick on one minor thing, I don't like the use of the word "demoed". It sounds too colloquial for an encyclopedia. GaryColemanFan 22:26, 31 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks for the copyedit. I've rephrased the sentence that contained the word "demoed"; I'm not a fan of the term either. CloudNine 23:13, 31 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Qp10qp edit

I really enjoyed the article. Even though I'm a big Pixies fan, I don't know much about Joey. I sense that this article is hard put to really say something substantial about him, though, because he obviously keeps himself to himself and doesn't inspire much copy.

It was an interesting article to write; there doesn't seem to be much about the guy when I first looked, but after digging deeper, there's some interesting facts.

The thing about the Mercedes. I dunno, I don't really believe it. Mercs were around a long time before Joey's uncle and President Marcos, surely. There was always a wealthy upper class in the Philippines; a few of them must have had Mercs back in the day. Perhaps the anecdote refers to a new model.

Clarified. On further research, I don't think it was for a new model. I'll keep looking however.

I just flat can't believe these were the first three Mercs, at such a late stage in their manufacture. Also there's more than one island. qp10qp 17:26, 8 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Removed. It's just too contentious, and I haven't found another source that really backs it up. CloudNine 22:06, 8 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]

*The first song he learned to play was the Velvet Underground's "Rock and Roll". Any idea how old he was? The article jumps to this from when he was eight. No pre-teen would play the Velvs, I reckon. Some words of transition are needed, possibly.

I've just noticed this in the source: "About a year later,". So apparently pre-teens (Santiago was nine) do play the Velvs. Clarified.

*Santiago met his future wife, Linda Mallari, when he sat beside her after a 1987 tour with the Pixies at The Rathskeller. Couldn't work this out. Straight after? During? What is the connection between the tour and meeting the missis?

To clarify, it was a concert at The Rathskeller that they first met. (I don't know why "tour" was there instead.)

*I did notice right away that he was playing music. I didn't want any more distractions, but I took my guitar up and we started fooling around with it. Joey's quote comes over like the same incident as when he rushed home to get his guitar and they started playing together. Maybe the two mentions can be amalgamated a bit.

I've shortened the second quote, but otherwise left it as is. The second quote is in a different context to the first.

*"managing wood". I'm not familiar with the expression.

Simplified. Didn't make much sense anyway.

*The article jumps abruptly from 1985 to 1987. Could some transitional information be added about these formative years? What was the band doing?

The answer is "not much". Mostly practicing and touring around Boston; I've added this to the article to clarify things.

*Santiago's lead guitar became less prominent in the band's later releases, 1990's Bossanova and 1991's Trompe le Monde. Does this come under that Ganz ref? If so, it could perhaps do with an "according to Ganz" hedge there. I don't agree with it, to be honest. Each member of the group remained crucial to the sound, to my ears (blasting Trompe through the lugs at the moment).

I've rephrased the sentence in question; it's true that Santiago adopted a surf guitar style in Bossanova, and it's worth mentioning.

*Florida is mentioned out of the blue, without the reader being told he had moved there or whatever.

I've not got information on when he moved to Florida (apparently he moved to LA before Bossanova (I'll add that in when I get the chance) though).

Nope, can't find when he moved to Florida.

*"Their output". Recorded output? (It says later that they had "previous material" before they did Smitten.)

Clarified, thanks.

*Did the Martinis gig? The article doesn't say.

Only occasionally. Updated article to reflect this.

*When did he do the Billboard interview? That needs to go in the text, in my opinion.

Done. In March 2006, apparently.

*Anything about the present status of the Pixies? On the Colin Murray show, Frank was saying that it looks like they are splitting up again. He said the others hadn't forgiven him for splitting them up last time and that was the reason for the coming split.

Will do. I think I'll go through the member articles etc. and update the info soon.

Updated. Let me know if more detail is required.

Interested to see that Deal is reluctant. Maybe it's not a bad thing to keep the four original cds as the only ones. (Frank doesn't have much idea of quality control and his throw-it-at-the-wall-and-see-what-the-splash-looks-like approach probably wouldn't do the Pixies any favours.) qp10qp 17:26, 8 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Yeah, I think it's a good thing overall; another single or two would hardly harm the legacy. However, it's just not going to happen. CloudNine 22:06, 8 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Anyway, good stuff. Gave me an excuse to play them through my lugholes again, quantifying the prominence of Joey and realising again how good he is.--qp10qp 01:48, 1 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review (you've asked good questions). I'll try to address these throughout the week. CloudNine 13:24, 1 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Review by TommyStardust edit

This is definitely approaching FA status. A few minor quibbles:

He also contributed to albums by Charles Douglas and Pixies bandmate Frank Black. - shouldn't that be "former Pixies band mate"? Band mate is two words.

Hyphenated. Fixed.

The 2nd paragraph has the word "technique" thrice in two sentences.

Changed. Thanks for pointing that out.

when the first three Mercedes arrived on the island - should probably mention that you're talking about cars; right now its rather ambiguous.

Clarified.

but he eventually chose economics - I think "he" is redundant there.

Done.

and he and Thompson were soon playing "non-blues-scale, non-cover-song rock. - isn't "and was soon playing "non-blues-scale, non-cover-song rock" with Thompson." better?

Done.

link 1970s punk - preferably to the 1970s section in the punk rock article.

Done.

Their recorded output by the end of the 1990s comprised a single self-recorded song in 1995, "Free", that appeared on the film soundtrack of Empire Records. - needs rephrasing; I needed to read that sentence twice before i understood what it meant.

Hopefully it's clearer now.

his general demeanour - include "quiet" or "sober" to make it clearer.

Added.

American English niggles - "demeanour", "travelled", "rumours".

Fixed.

"a lot poppier and quirker" - I can't find the quote on that webpage.

Done.

Tommy Stardust 09:35, 5 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]

the "a lot poppier and quirker" (should be "quirkier") quote is on that same website under the interview section :). The word "demoed" is still being used, and shouldn't "He also contributed to albums by Charles Douglas and Pixies band-mate Frank Black" mention that Black was his former band-mate? Tommy Stardust 05:16, 6 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, thanks! I did rephrase the sentence to remove the word "demoed", but qp10qp added it back in. Could you perhaps suggest a replacement for the term? CloudNine 13:07, 6 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]

"Early demo versions of this new song were recorded in Santiago's basement." - one of the words is probably redundant though - maybe "versions" can be removed Tommy Stardust 16:09, 6 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Rephrased. Thanks for the inspiration and the review. CloudNine 23:59, 7 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]