Wikipedia:Peer review/Jefferson Davis/archive1

Jefferson Davis

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I've listed this article for peer review because it has been substantially improved over recent months, and was promoted to Good Article status 10 days ago. I'd like to continue to improve it to the point where it can be a Featured Article. Thank you! Omnedon (talk) 20:08, 26 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Coemgenus
In "Early life and first military career", you mention that Davis was the last of 10 children. I remember reading something about how his middle name was an indication that his parents wanted no more kids. Is that true? If it could be referenced, it would be a nice addition to the article.

This would appear to be apocryphal, or at least not well documented, but I will do further research. Omnedon (talk) 20:01, 3 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

You've got a mix of long cites and short cites in the text. I don't know what the MoS says about that, if anything, but I find it easier to read and edit an article that has all the long cites below, with the in-line refs being all short cites.

I've not run into this before... Some inline citations are only used once, while others refer to works that are cited multiple times. In the latter case I typically use short cites which point to works identified in a separate section. This seems to be common, but I will check further. Omnedon (talk) 20:01, 3 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Maybe I'm the odd one, here. Like I said, I'm not sure what the MoS says, so don't change it if you think it doesn't make sense. --Coemgenus (talk) 11:41, 4 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'd add a short description of the Eggnog Riot to the text -- no more than a sentence or so -- just to make it easier for the reader to understand what's happening without leaving the page.

Good idea -- done. Omnedon (talk) 02:18, 4 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

In "Second marriage and family", I think it looks and reads better if you use prose instead of lists.

Good point; this has been done. Omnedon (talk) 20:01, 3 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

In "Second military career", you say Davis resigned his House seat, but you never make it clear in the section above that he won his election or when he took his seat.

I had not noticed that, and have added a paragraph that deals with this. Omnedon (talk) 01:59, 4 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Is there any detail on what he did in the battle of Monterey?

Yes, I have located that and added some detail. Omnedon (talk) 02:09, 4 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

In this sentence "He attempted strategic offensives when he felt that military success would (a) shake Northern self-confidence and (b) strengthen the peace movements there." I'd take out the (a) and (b) and just use regular prose.

Agreed, and changed. Omnedon (talk) 20:01, 3 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Some more detail on his imprisonment would be interesting, if it can be found and sourced. After his few days in irons, how was he treated? Was he held at Fort Monroe the whole time?

I've added some details on his treatment while in prison. Omnedon (talk) 13:39, 4 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Some of the small paragraphs under "Legacy" could probably be joined up.

I see your point. Currently, though, each paragraph (large or small) deals with an individual aspect of his legacy. Perhaps the shorter ones could be fleshed out a bit. Omnedon (talk) 20:01, 3 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

On the whole, a very nice article. Good luck with the FA submission.

Thank you for the excellent input; I'm working on these issues. The simplest have been fixed already. I appreciate your help with this! Omnedon (talk) 14:17, 3 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

My pleasure. Leave a note on my talk page when you submit it for FA. --Coemgenus (talk) 14:20, 3 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments - Dank (push to talk)

"His preoccupation ... and a tendency to": Series should be parallel ... this one expands to "His a tendency to".
"but at its conclusion, his Colonel Zachary Taylor": and at its conclusion, his colonel, Zachary Taylor,
"for their health; but both of them contracted malaria.": comma instead of semicolon
"Being bored, and with Davis feeling somewhat better, the two men returned to Mississippi.": Being bored, and feeling somewhat better, he returned with Pemberton to Mississippi.

These four have been addressed. Omnedon (talk) 20:23, 10 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I got down to Second marriage and family. - Dank (push to talk) 19:38, 10 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]