Wikipedia:Peer review/Jason Beghe/archive1

Jason Beghe edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I am looking for ways to improve the article further as it proceeds along in quality status. No rush, but interested in input from some fresh eyes. Thanks, Cirt (talk) 21:06, 19 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

One of the things that struck out at me was the vaugeness of this line: He had recurring roles on Picket Fences and Melrose Place. What episodes, during what years, and what kinds of shows are these? I knew that MP was some kind of teenager show, but I had no clue what PF was until I clicked on the link. hbdragon88 (talk) 04:16, 20 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ah, good points. I will research this further and provide a bit more detail. Cirt (talk) 04:32, 20 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2008.

Done. Checked over the semiautomated peer review suggestions and everything appears to be in order. Cirt (talk) 13:52, 20 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

User:Yannismarou

Being a best friend with Duchovny is so important to mention it in the lead? If yes, make clear to the reader why.
"Speaks" "speaking" in the third paragraph of the lead. A little more prose variety.
"While there, he became best friends with John F. Kennedy, Jr. and David Duchovny" Exact repetition of the phrase of the lead.
Narration and connection of subjects in "Acting career" could be a bit more smotth. I think you'll need a nice copy-editor.
"the idea that "technology" developed by L. Ron Hubbard could yield superhuman abilitites" Can you please explain that a bit?
"He reached the level of OT V within Scientology, and is a trained Auditor.[32][28] His wife also took Scientology courses and rose to the level of OT V.[28] He estimated he has given the Church of Scientology USD$1 million over a 12-year period.[33" Example of choppy prose.
"In 2007 Beghe made the decision to leave Scientology". Why and how? What made him for a critic?
"Beghe discussed the Xenu space opera" What is that? Explain.
"Duchovny was referred to as a "Suppressive Person"" Why? Just because he was Beghe's friend?
"known to the group Anonymous" What's this group?
"about his experiences as a Scientologist" How exactly did he describe his experience? Details?
"in the video Beghe calls Scientology "very dangerous for your spiritual, psychological, mental, emotional health and evolution"" Why?
"Bunker said that those issues had been resolved, and that YouTube should have given him time to prove that before pulling the Jason Beghe interview.[40] Bunker believes that YouTube removed the Beghe interview after receiving pressure from Scientology.[40] A representative for YouTube told FOX News "There’s no conspiracy here", but would not say whether Scientology pressured YouTube to remove the video, saying: "We do not comment on individual videos."[" Some prose massage is needed here.
"Beghe believes that Scientology's practice of disconnection is still in place". Disconnection? In general, do not take for granted that the reader understand all the scientology terms you use. Explanations are needed and wikilinks are not enough.
Can you expand a bit the "Personal" section; it is stubby.

The scientology story is very interesting, but the article needs work both in prose and analysis.--Yannismarou (talk) 12:25, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much for these points, it may take a bit of time but I will do my best to address them and note it here afterward. Cirt (talk) 12:28, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry haven't had a chance to get to this yet but will address this stuff soon. Cirt (talk) 03:52, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry I have not gone through this yet. I think this is a very good list of things to improve and work on, but it will be more of a longer term project as opposed to taking place all within the time of the peer review. Thanks so much, your input will be utilized in the article. Cirt (talk) 23:19, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]