Wikipedia:Peer review/Ioannis Makrygiannis/archive1

Ioannis Makrygiannis edit

I'm considering submitting for GA, after, I hope, adressing all the issues raised in the previous peer review. Please point out any reason why I shouldn't submit it. :D Druworos 12:51, 2 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

It's a good article and appears to meet the GA criteria, but I found a few minor errors that need correction:

There are some spelling errors (opression, apointed, untill, ommisions and halucinations) so I suggest running it through a spelling checker.
"guerilla styled" needs a hyphen.
irreverend => irreverent

Thanks. — RJH (talk) 18:20, 2 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the comments! I ran it through a checker, and corrected everything. Druworos 18:52, 2 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Nice article. I don't think it will have any problem with GA. Some remarks for further improvement (not necessarily GA orientated!):

I think you should use italics and not quotations for Memoirs of General Makrygiannis (per WP:ITALICS).
The lead could be a bit more expanded; maybe one more paragraph per WP:LEAD.
"Ioannis Triantafyllou ... was born in the village of Avoriti, in the vicinity of Doris (Makrygiannis (Long John) was a cognomen he acquired due to his tall stature). He was born into a poor family." Repetition of the same form of expression. An example of prose improvements needed (not for GA, but for any future FA candidacy).
"He probably joined the Filiki Etaireia in 1820." Because of the "probability" I'd like a citation here (I'm a citation-freak, as you know!).
"In late 1821 he left for Mesolonghi, but there, according to his memoirs,[2] he fell seriously ill until March 1822." Try to have citations at the end of the sentences. Keep them in the middle only if it is absolutely necessary.
I think that in "Activity during the War of Independence" one of the most obscure parts of Makrygiannis career, his controversial role during the civil wars among the revolted Greece, is underanalysed.
Who are klephts? I may know, but not everybody. When you need such terms, offer a short explanation. A wikilink is not always enough!
"For his leading role ... When summoned to the palace and asked to denounce all the conspirators of 1843, he refused, saying "I am not a slave". This part in "The Reign of King Othon I" looks like a digression in your narration. Assessments for previous and current events all mixed and an interruption of what you were telling. Maybe you could create an "Assessments" or "Legacy" or "Fame" or something like that section, where you could include this part enrivhed with more material.--Yannismarou 19:46, 2 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I did use Italics throughout my re-write, but that one in the lead was left over from the previous version, and I somehow overlooked it, thanks for pointing it out! The rest of the issues I will try to adress ASAP. Thanks for all the comments! Druworos 20:04, 2 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I worked on the lead, I hope it will do now. I reworked the born sentences into one sentence, and I changed "he probably" to "according to..." etc with a citation. I also moved the citation you pointed out to the end of the sentence. I changed "klephts" to "irregular bands of klephts", with a wikilink to Irregular military. Hopefully, that should make it clear enough. I dont want to digress on the klephts any longer, but I dont want to remove the word either.... I agree his part in the civil war is underanalysed, but that's all I can do with my sources at present. As for your last point, I'm looking into what I might do. Druworos 21:14, 2 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I reworked the above ("For his leading role ... "I am not a slave") and integrated it into the following paragraph. Hopefully this makes it fit into the overall text better. I'm afraid creating a separate "Legacy" section is beyond the scope of my abilities, at present. Druworos 22:24, 2 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, AZ _t 00:31, 3 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I checked for weasel words (coming up with nothing, thankfully), adjusted the dates and one header, and added a persondata thingy, as per the suggestions. Thanks! Druworos 01:03, 3 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]