Wikipedia:Peer review/Indonesian Christian Student Movement/archive1

Indonesian Christian Student Movement

I've listed this article for peer review because I am planning to take it to WP:GAC. This article would be my third GAC attempt. Feel free to construct and edit the article.

Thanks, Jeromi Mikhael (talk) 05:02, 2 July 2019 (UTC)

Comments from Dhio270599
Hi Jeromi Mikhael, fellow +62 here. I'll probably give remarks on grammar and writing style:

• "as the merger of the Christelijke Studenten Vereniging op Java, which is the organizations for Christian students in Java" --> the Vereniging is a single organization (as I've understood), thus making the erasing of the -s suffix behind "organization" necessary.
• Organization names: Cipayung Group; Pancasila Front; World Student Christian Federation; Dutch Army: deserve their own wikilinks
• Names like CL van Doorn, OE Engelen, JR Mott, and others deserve their own wikilinks
• there should be explicit explanations for abbreviations like GMKI and NCSV on the text. Perhaps, like, "(Indonesian: Gerakan Mahasiswa Kristen Indonesia, abbreviated as GMKI)" and "was inspired by the Dutch Christian Student Association (Dutch: Nederlandse Christen Studenten Vereniging, abbreviated as NCSV)"
• "which at that time still studying" --> "which at that time is still studying"
• Nations (e.g. Indonesia), nationalities (e.g. Dutch), cities like Bandung, Bogor, Surabaya, and Jogjakarta, and other administrative places, such as Kebon Sirih, deserve their own wikilinks
• "to held" --> "to hold" (to-Verb 1)
• "highly nationalistic to Indonesia" ---> "highly nationalistic to Indonesia" (reducing redundancy)
• "During this time, many people misinterpreted GMKI"
• Ideologies, e.g. socialism, deserve their own wikilinks
• Major historical events, like the G30S, deserve their own wikilinks

Dhio-270599 17:07, 4 August 2019 (UTC)