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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I guess this is a GA of mine that I want to improve. Thanks for any comments. YE Pacific Hurricane 04:11, 12 August 2013 (UTC)
Review by Praemonitus
It's a decent read. However, I think it needs a copy-edit sweep for grammar and flow. Although I fixed several issues, it still needs more work. Some of the sentences seem a little terse and could perhaps be joined with neighboring sentences as appropriate. Here's a few specific observations:
- The lead says "...the hurricane made its second landfall north..." but does not mention where the first landfall was made.
- "...and 30 ft (9.1 m) dike": wide or tall?
- "...to configure the damage": what does 'configure' mean in this context?
- "Dozens of scores of huts...": dozens of scores??? More than 120 then?
- There are a number of redundant 'also's present, at least one of which starts a paragraph.
- "...though other authorities estimated...": 'other' than what authority?
- "During the aftermath of the storm, rescue workers searched the La Paz harbor, but had little hope in finding any victims": mixed tense
- "...within 72 hours following the passage of Liza, there was no electricity or fresh water access to survivors": does this mean 'for up to 72 hours?' Otherwise it is somewhat confusing wording.
- "...one ration of food and water within 3 days of the passage...": same problem
- "Subsequently, armed troops guarded gangs of looters that damaged additional homes": wait, what? Is that correct?
- "The nation's president ordered a plan to prevent a recurrence of Hurricane Liza": surely they can't prevent another Hurricane? Perhaps "...to prevent a recurrence of the disaster following Hurricane Liza"?
- The format of the author names is inconsistent in the References section. Some appear as "Emil B. Gunther", while others as "Blake, Eric S". You'll need to choose one style and apply it uniformly in order to pass FAC.
- "Mexico: 5 members feared dead in flood": publication name?
I hope this was helpful. Good luck. Praemonitus (talk) 03:51, 20 August 2013 (UTC)