Wikipedia:Peer review/History of Ohio Wesleyan University/archive1

I would like to get comments on what to include and how to improve the article. WikiprojectOWU 01:36, 25 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Top picture w/ logo needs to be taken or edited out because of blurriness.
Opening paragraph doesn’t flow well and has some grammatical errors. The “but Augusta was…” sentence starts off kind of weird.
The Founder section is kind of choppy. When I started reading that section I got totally lost. I was wondering why that section went back that far. There are also a bunch of grammatical errors in that section as well.

I don’t have time to go through the rest of it, but maybe I’ll check it out later. RENTASTRAWBERRY ^{FOR LET?} röck 01:45, 25 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Lead section should be expanded.
I have to agree with Rentastrawberry, the first paragraph doesn't flow well. The lead sentence feels like a run-on (but I'm not a grammar expert so, I'll simply say it is too long.)
"now occupied by Delaware hosted" should that be "now occupied by Delaware, Ohio hosted" or is it in reference to the native american tribe? If the later, then the "now" should probably be "at the time"?
"whites " don't like that word. It is a loaded term.
"also the geographic center of Ohio was " should that be "also the near the geographic center of Ohio was" Isn't Columbus considered the geographic center?
What is Adam Poe? It reads as if it is a location ala the sanitorium.
"the committee of Ohio citizens" should that be capitalized? Was it a formal committee?
The sentences/paragraphs after the sale are very choppy.
Methodism -- should be Methodist---Methodism is the ideas/thoughts/method/beliefs behind the Methodist Church. (EDIT: You used Methodism in places where you are referring to the Methodist Church.)
"he college originally admitted only male students" <> "However, it increased to 130 students by the end of 1842, a number comprising students of both genders." can you explain the apparent discrepency?
It officially opened it doors in 44, but had students in 42? Again, this needs to be explained.
"the first of a number of institutions named for Methodism founder John Wesley." Needs citation.

"Of the twenty-nine students, at the end of 1844, two were juniors, two were sophomores, fourteen freshmen and ninety-two in the prep school." Too much detail.
Define A.B./S.B. in article. Wikilinks can expand on what is there, but one shouldn't have to goto another link.
The stuff on thomson and the community needs a citation.
The stuff on thomson and slavery needs a citation---and the one used on the OWU main page didn't mention Thomson.
I'm not sure what the purpose is of mentioning that 70% of the board were laymen. I know the college is loosely affiliated with the Methodist Church, but the inclusion here wasn't defined.
"The first president of the college after its formal charter, was Edward Thomson" you've said that before.
"ON ACCOUNT of poor health." When I see "on account" I always wonder if that was the original wording in the original text---it sounds very old fashioned to me.
Why did the school stop offering advanced degrees?Balloonman 23:34, 29 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]