Wikipedia:Peer review/Hero of Belarus/archive2

Hero of Belarus edit

Try 1

Alright, this was a former featured article, mainly removed because I lacked giving it the TLC it needed. I am going to take a stab at this again. I first added the refereces using the <ref></ref> format, which wasn't available at the time I wrote this. Second, the first time around had a picture overload. Now, this only has one photo (which is in the public domain). I took out a lot of the direct quotes, since Babelfish is failing me (and my reading of Russian has gotten a bit better). Is there anything I should expand on before I send this to FAC? User:Zscout370 ^{(Return Fire)} 23:15, 25 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, AZ _t 16:49, 26 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Definitely needs a copyedit. I picked at random "Recepients" (float over the underlined words to see my comments, amazing template, isn't it?):

Since the title was created, it has been bestowed upon ten Belarusian citizens. Out of the ten awards, one was for heroism during military service and two awards were presented posthumously. The first award was given to Uładzimir Karvat (posthumous) in 1996, the second awarding were performed on June 30, 2001 to Pavieł Maryjaŭ, Michaił Karčmit, Vital Kramko and Alaksandar Dubko (posthumous). [7] The last awardings were to Filaret, Mikhail Savicki, Mikhail Vysotsky, Piotr Prokopovich & Vasily Revyako on March 1, 2006. [8]

Karvat, a military pilot, was flying his training aircraft Sukhoi Su-27p on May 23 1996. The plane caught fire and was ordered to eject to safety. Unknowing to the ground crew, the plane was going to crash in a area full of civilians. Keeping in mind of the civilians, Karvat steered the plane away until it crashed one kilometer from the area of Hacišča, killing him instantly. President Alexander Lukashenko issued Decree Number 484 on November 21 1996, which posthuously awarded Karvat the title Hero of Belarus. [9] The crash site has been converted to a memorial for Karvat, on which a copy of his decree is placed on the tail fin of the Sukhoi Su-27p. [10] AZ _t 17:09, 26 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Made corrections you mentioned and did a spell checking. Question, what is "nbsp"? User:Zscout370 ^{(Return Fire)} 18:40, 26 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I also added the article in the "needs copyediting" category. User:Zscout370 ^{(Return Fire)} 18:48, 26 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

My bad, the nbsp is already there. Next time I should copy the source code. ;) AZ _t 01:31, 27 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

No problem, I got the question answered by the good folks at #wikipedia. As for the grammar itself, I triend some external programs that gives me ideas on what I can do. I tried some of those out, and I will see what M$ Word can do for me tomorrow at college. Now, ignoring the issue of grammar, is there anything else I can do. FYI, this was already on the main page before and my goal is not to get it back there, I just want the shiny brown star at the top of the article. User:Zscout370 ^{(Return Fire)} 01:48, 27 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

A few thoughts.
- Have you put much thought into combining some of the smaller headers? The "Criteria" and "Recommendation process" sections look like they could be grouped together.
- I don't know how to fix it, but the recipients section feels a little stilted.
- Any more images? Maybe some free government ones?
Otherwise, looks good. --badlydrawnjeff talk 23:59, 28 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]
- - I have one more image I can add, going to combine the two sections you mentionec. User:Zscout370 ^{(Return Fire)} 00:17, 29 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I added another section to the article about it's use on Belarusian stamps. Would this be useful or no? I also saw a television commercial on TB (Television Belarus) on the day of the 2006 elections. I wish I knew what it said word for word, but it mentioned about the great deeds of the heroes and showed a graphic of the medal. I do not have a screen shot of that and if I did, it is not my intent to upload it. I know there was a stamp shown in one of the souces I provided, but it was on WP before and I was asked to take it down by others admins. Other than the grammar, is this article set for FAC? User:Zscout370 ^{(Return Fire)} 09:10, 3 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]