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Wikipedia:Peer review/Hakeem Olajuwon/archive1

< Wikipedia:Peer review‎ | Hakeem Olajuwon

Hakeem Olajuwon edit

I was originally going to send this article to the Good Article review committee, but I figured that it should have a peer review done to address any concerns. I would like to see what sections need improving, or if there are any problems with the article. (For example, post-nba has an expansion tag on it, but I don't know if that's necessary or not). User:Quadzilla99 would be able to answer any questions put forth, he's the one that did all the work on the article. --Wizardman 17:04, 1 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

  • The lead could be expanded greatly. Three sentences is hardly sufficient of a lead to any article. See Wayne Gretzky or Sandy Koufax on articles about athletes with good leads.
Done. Quadzilla99 04:15, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Personal life section should be made into parenthetical form.
Done. Quadzilla99 04:15, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • There is no section on his early life/youth - that is, prior to his time at UH.
Done. Quadzilla99 04:15, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • He is not an author and should not have a section for his books. The one sentence can be assimilated into another section.
Done. Quadzilla99 04:15, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Trivia section should be removed or assimilated into the rest of article where needed/desired.
Done. Quadzilla99 04:15, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Post-NBA section does need to be expanded.
Done. Quadzilla99 04:15, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
I believe that's done. Quadzilla99 04:15, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Good job on the work that has been done thus far. Here are a few more suggestions:
#Refrain from referring to him as "Hakeem" - use "Olajuwon" instead.
Ok. Quadzilla99 22:23, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
#There are some places where there are many statistics reported but there are no citations
Done. Quadzilla99 22:23,
I'm not sure about the fair-use rationales on the images. The first one says it was taken by a flickr user, but it obviously wasn't taken by him. The image is a copyright violation. For the other images; fair-use has been discussed like hell, but there never seems to be an agreement on what is allowed and what is not.++aviper2k7++ 05:05, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
The lower two seem to be fine to me. But yeah, change the license on the first one or have it deleted (I have no idea how to fix licenses on images or else I'd do it). --Wizardman 05:10, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Okay I'll remove the first. It's my understanding the second two can stay because he is retired and it will be very hard to find ones to represent his playing career in the public domain (I've tried). The first is a portrait and can be one like Charles Barkley's and just be one of him now so I don't think it qualifies as having no fair use substitute. Quadzilla99 08:35, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]


Hi, as the main author of the Bill Russell article, one of two good articles of NBA players (Kirk Hinrich is the other), I am very pleased with the development of this article. Kudos to the authors, and I feel that this article is near to GA range. Here are my improvement proposals, assume good faith please:

  • Hakeem needs a bulletproof pic in the top right-hand table (edit: been done already?)
I believe that's done. Quadzilla99 01:31, 5 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Please add retrieval dates on ALL the references.
Done. Quadzilla99 01:31, 5 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • As of WP:CITE, the refereces have to be placed directly after a full stop or a comma. Please correct references 19, 20, 31, 32, 33, 41, 43 and 49
Done. Quadzilla99 01:48, 5 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • The article contains many redundant references, e.g. his nba.com summary page appears 10+ times, his databasketball.com entry 5+ times. See WP:FOOT on how to use named references to use a reference more than once.
Done thanks to Raetzsch. Quadzilla99 01:31, 5 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • “Accolades” is unreferenced
Done but it looks kinda ugly. I propose we remove them off of the awards list and keep them for the statements/sentences. Quadzilla99 04:33, 5 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • His book merits his own “Books” section, plus ISBN, see WP:CITET (edit: according to this peer review, no, OK)
  • His Olympia 1996 appearance deserves its own subsection (“International career” or such)
  • His NCAA career is under-referenced
Done. Quadzilla99 02:45, 5 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Please reference the Rockets regular season records if you mention them in the text
Done. Quadzilla99 03:27, 5 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • “Twin Towers” looks stubby, possibly merge with next subsection?
Comment can be expanded. I will do so in the next couple of days. Quadzilla99 03:27, 5 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • In his “Career” section, it is IMHO better to use years (e.g. 1986-93) as headers rather than e.g “Twin Towers” or “Championship years”, but maybe, it is only me
Comment I would tend to disagree here as in FA's Sandy Koufax, Cynna Kydd, and Moe Berg. Quadzilla99 02:59, 5 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • “Post-championship years” and “Toronto Raptors” subsections have no references
Done. Quadzilla99 03:27, 5 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • “Player profile” could be renamed as “Legacy” (better as of WP:BIO and WP:BLP)
Comment I would also tend to disagree with this as Wayne Gretzky and Sandy Koufax both FA's have sections (skills and mechanics respectively) where they talk about the player's playing style and what they did in playing that made them great. Legacy has an entirely different meaning imo. Quadzilla99 01:45, 5 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • “Personal life”: Plz add that he became a naturalised citizen of the U.S. Also, in that section, could someone reference his fights vs Magic or so?
Done fight is mentioned in Muslim heading minor incident. Quadzilla99 01:45, 5 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • “Player profile” and “Dream Shake” contain paragraphs with only 1 or 2 short sentences, merge them. (Yeah, I wrote some myself, but know I now better). Also IMHO there is a nba.com video of that Dream Shake against D-Rob, could someone get a link?
Comment NBA videos on youtube are generally off limits. I don't know where else to get one. I am going to hold off on merging the two sections, Dream Shake is a subsection and it is considered a legendary set of moves that is often talked about in almost reverant tones by other NBA Hall of Fame calibre big men.[1] It's kind of like Kareem's Sky Hook or Mariano Rivera's cutter. It really was that feared and held in esteem. Quadzilla99 01:31, 5 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • References 1, 40 and 42 look strange

* I am pretty sure that Hakeem unknowlingly gave money to al-Qaeda [2]

Comment Hakeem's church (that he founded and gives money to) and an Islamic relief fund he donated to gave money to those groups without his knowledge to my understanding. Basically this was one of those unresponsible stories where they use the Headline "Olajuwon Funds Terrorrists" to sell papers then as soon as you read the story you realize it's bunk. I say leave it out until it's shown he was the one deciding where to give the money.[3] Quadzilla99 02:08, 5 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • The flow in "Personal life" is pretty mediocre, hopping from one train of thought to the next without any connections, please improve.

Wow, so much stuff, sounds very negative, but assume good faith, it sure is not meant like that. I just like this article very much and would love to see Hakeem get a GOOD ARTICLE rating :D. Before you do propose it, read WP:WIAGA first. —Onomatopoeia 11:55, 4 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

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