Wikipedia:Peer review/Fort Drum (El Fraile Island)/archive1

Fort Drum (El Fraile Island)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I really want to bring it to GA. It's a C-Class due to ref issues, which I can't for the life of me figure out why.

Thanks, Buggie111 (talk) 11:58, 9 November 2013 (UTC)

Comments from Nikkimaria

• "Counter-battery fire from Fort Drum's 14-inch guns and Fort Frank's 12-inch mortars was ineffective. With the collapse of American and Filipino resistance on Bataan on 10 April, only Fort Drum and the other harbor forts remained in U.S. hands." - source?
• "In 1945, as part of the offensive to recapture Manila, Fort Drum was assaulted by US forces. After a heavy aerial and naval bombardment, US troops gained access to the deck of the fort on 13 April, and were able to confine the garrison below. Rather than attempting to break in, the troops and engineers adapted the solution first used some days earlier in the assault of mortar forts on Fort Hughes." - source?
• Any more information on what has happened with the fort since 1945? Nikkimaria (talk) 20:02, 11 November 2013 (UTC)

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Suggestions generated by an automatic JavaScript program

Suggestions generated by an automatic JavaScript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

• Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.^[?]
• Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space -   between a number and the unit of measurement. For example, instead of 240mm, use 240 mm, which when you are editing the page, should look like: 240 mm.^[?]
• Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), please spell out source units of measurements in text; for example, the Moon is 380,000 kilometres (240,000 mi) from Earth.^[?] Specifically, an example is 15 cm.
• There are a few occurrences of weasel words in this article- please observe WP:AWT. Certain phrases should specify exactly who supports, considers, believes, etc., such a view.
  • apparently
  • might be weasel words, and should be provided with proper citations (if they already do, or are not weasel terms, please strike this comment).^[?]
• You may wish to convert your form of references to the cite.php footnote system that WP:WIAFA 1(c) highly recommends.
• Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.^[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas.

-(t) Josve05a (c) 23:13, 22 November 2013 (UTC)

Comments from Nick-D

• " is a heavily fortified island fortress" - "was" seems more accurate!
• The lead should note when the instillation was established, and be fleshed out to a couple of paragraphs
• Background is needed on why the fort was established (eg, who was it meant to guard against, why was it judged necessary, etc)
• Who manned the fort in the period 1916-1941? (and can anything be said about the fort in this period? - presumably it was upgraded or at least refitted at some point)
• Some background on how the system of forts in Manila Bay fitted together and were intended to operate (including how this changed over time) would be good
• "on 13 January 1942—before the concrete emplacement was fully dry or the gun had been bore-sighted or checked for assurance level—became the first American battery of seacoast artillery to open fire on the enemy in World War II" - is this accurate? The defenders of Wake Island successfully used their coastal artillery during the Battle of Wake Island
• How did the Japanese use the fort? (eg, what was the Garrison doing there?)
• What's the history of this facility since 1945? Was any attempt made to use the island after the war, and has it been turned into a protected historical site? Nick-D (talk) 07:16, 3 December 2013 (UTC)

Comments: Just some copyediting notes - Dank (push to talk)

• "Fort Drum (El Fraile Island), also known": That seems ambiguous to me: it could mean Fort Drum is El Fraile Island, or that it's on or near El Fraile Island. You find out later on, of course, but it should be clear from the start.
• "after igniting oil and gasoline": after oil and gasoline were ignited
• "recommended that key harbors ... Consequently El Fraile Island was fortified": This doesn't tell us the time frame. If Manila Bay was one of the harbors selected by the board, then say "recommended that Manila Bay and other key harbors ...". If they made a general recommendation, and El Fraile Island was selected later, then say that.
• "the harbor defenses, Manila and Subic Bays": I don't follow ... the harbor defenses in Manila and Subic Bays?
• "the top deck, which was 9 feet below the top deck": How is that possible? - Dank (push to talk) 02:14, 9 December 2013 (UTC)