Wikipedia:Peer review/Fann Wong/archive1

Fann Wong edit

Hello. I'm trying to get this article up to GA-status, and I could use any feedback you can give that could possibly improve it. Thanks in advance! -ryand 13:51, 21 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Nice, well written, and well cited article. Some suggestions:

Combine the '2003: Hollywood' and 'Recent years' section. '2003' is too short to be its one section. Can be combined to 'Recent years' or something else.
I'd be careful about your usage of the Dragon Eye Congee movie poster. I don't know if your usage there meets WP:FUC since there is not analysis of the movie in the section you are using it. Same thing for Girl, Illustrated.
What's the difference between 'Films' and 'Dramas'? Also, there should be some text in the Works section. There are too many consecutive blank subheadings.
There are a couple single sentence paragraphs that should either be combined or lengthened.--NMajdan•talk 15:38, 21 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your comments! 'Dramas' actually refers to 'television dramas' - on hindsight, it is kind of ambiguous, and I've since merged the two television sections together. I've also removed the iffy movie poster and moved the book image to a more relevant section. I'll be working on the rest of your comments soon. Once again, thanks for your help! -ryand 17:39, 21 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]

My 2 cents:

Do you really need to say her stage name first? Say her birth name.
Expand your lead to accomodate more of the information in the article.
Say "Singapore" not "Hakka." You're fully aware that Hakka links to an article about a Chinese ethnic group, right? It was horribly confusing to me.

Until I read the end of the sentence, I wasn't sure what you were trying to say. Instead of what you have there, say "Born in Singapore to Hakka middle-class tailor parents..."

I would check the spelling of the article. I think, if I'm right, that modeling is spelled with one l.
The prose could use a bit of a light check.
You overuse the charts.

Evan^{(Salad dressing is the milk of the infidel!)} 20:37, 21 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your feedback! I've read through your points and tried my best to address them:

Stage name vs. birth name: This has been changed. Thanks for pointing it out!
Lead: I'm working on it!
"Hakka": Thanks for pointing this out, I've replaced the sentence with your clearer one!
Spelling: "Modelling" is spelt with a single l in American English, but with two ls in British English. As an article about a Singaporean actress, I felt the Commonwealth English spelling would be most appropriate. But I'll run the article through spellcheck again to check for stray typos.
Prose: You're right, the prose is choppy and doesn't flow too well at parts. I'll work on it.
Charts: I thought the charts were cluttered, but I'm not sure how this can be changed and still maintain all the information in the article. Could you give some suggestions?

Again, thanks for your help :) -ryand 13:27, 22 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I left comments on the article's talk page. CyberAnth 00:02, 4 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]