Wikipedia:Peer review/Endgame (Megadeth album)/archive1

Endgame (Megadeth album)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to get suggestions on how to upgrade this article to Featured article-level quality. I don't believe that any one section needs more attention than any other, so opinions on everything are welcome.

Thanks, L1A1 FAL (talk) 16:00, 7 August 2014 (UTC)

Review by Retrohead

• link Roadrunner Records in the lead ( Done--L1A1 FAL (talk) 14:55, 8 August 2014 (UTC))
• first album featuring guitarist Chris Broderick→to feature ( Done--L1A1 FAL (talk) 14:55, 8 August 2014 (UTC))
• unlink insanity; I think it's a common word, like torture and crime ( Done--L1A1 FAL (talk) 14:55, 8 August 2014 (UTC))
• there is inconsistency with Ellefson's name; it's Dave in the lead and David in the 'Singles' ( Done--L1A1 FAL (talk) 14:55, 8 August 2014 (UTC))
• 52nd Annual Grammy Awards→2010 Grammy Awards (for better time orientation); piped link would be the best solution ( Done--L1A1 FAL (talk) 14:55, 8 August 2014 (UTC))
• since one of the FA criteria is that the topic is fully-researched, I think the 'Writing and recording' could use some expansion
• can you reshuffle the 'Songs' section, so that the description would read as the track listing goes? ( Done--L1A1 FAL (talk) 14:55, 8 August 2014 (UTC))
• I'll be back with additional notes; may also invite an outside contributor.--Retrohead (talk) 11:33, 8 August 2014 (UTC)
• here's some help with sources over expanding the writing & recording section: Metal Insider, Guitar World, Ultimate Guitar, About.com, Rolling Stone, Blabbermouth.net

Review by Curly Turkey

• It's not generally a good idea to set image sizes unless you have a really good reason---it'll appear differently on different screens, anyways, and setting the size overrides individual user settings to make them bigger or smaller. Curly Turkey ⚞¡gobble!⚟ 04:09, 10 August 2014 (UTC)

This wasn't my doing (I'm not that good with images), but I removed it. Added it back for the pic of Andy Sneap though because otherwise, his pic took up too much space.--L1A1 FAL (talk) 05:05, 10 August 2014 (UTC)

• I know it's what's normally done on rock album articles, but it always bugs me how technical information (such as the producer, lineup changes, etc) precede the content of the album. I'm not saying you should or must change it, just something to think about.

With all due respect, I'm going to keep that as is, at least for now. Generally, at least in my view, that kind of stuff plays into the background, which seems like it should come before content. Still something to think about though and I appreciate your input.--L1A1 FAL (talk) 05:12, 10 August 2014 (UTC)

• You should avoid using megadeth.com as a source except for very strictly factual information. Press releases, etc. should be avoided. I'd drop the "the title was announced" bit entirely. Ditto roadrunnerrecords.com.

I agree. Gonna take a closer look at that.--L1A1 FAL (talk) 05:12, 10 August 2014 (UTC)

• with lyrics inspired by subjects ranging from: this sounds like each of these tracks have each of these themes.
• The album was produced by Andy Sneap, who also produced Megadeth's previous album, United Abominations.: Short one-sentence paragraphs are generally frowned upon. Either mergewith the following paragraph or find some other logical place to stick it.

Thought about that issue before. Merged it with next paragraph. Just realized how underwhelming that section is though... I got some work to do there.--L1A1 FAL (talk) 05:05, 10 August 2014 (UTC)

• On May 27, 2009, Dave Mustaine: we shouldn't assume that everyone knows who Mustaine is. Maybe "group leader"? "the band's singer and rhythm guitarist"?

Thanks for catching that, I'll fix that one right up.--L1A1 FAL (talk) 05:12, 10 August 2014 (UTC)

• Dave Mustaine confirmed twelve songs were complete and they were currently: the antecedent of "they" could only be the "twelve songs"; obviously the songs aren't mixing and mastering the record.

Done.--Retrohead (talk) 07:33, 11 August 2014 (UTC)

• mixing and mastering the record: you mix to make a master, don't you? I'd drop "and mastering", as it's implied.
• Dave Mustaine had said about the album:: I wasn't sure if I should change this or not---you use the "had+p.p." construction a lot where it's incorrect (it implies and action that had taken place before another past-tense action, as in "I met Mike yesterday, after he had taken the test."). I don't see any reason for using this construction here. Also, it's a short one-sentence paragraph. Is there more that could be added to it, to do with the writing, style, etc? Or maybe put this in the "Songs" section (perhaps rename the section so it's more like a general overview of the music?)
• As of May 19: was it finished May 19, or some unknown amount of time before?
• The release date for Endgame was announced on the Megadeth official website as September 15, 2009: was that the actual release date, or only the announced release date?
• Mustaine announced on TheLiveLine: what's TheLiveLine?
• it was stated there was new music playing in the background of the message: who stated this?
• can be heard near the end of the film: what film? TheLiveLine?
• You have the exact end date of the tour. Can you find the first date?
• Did the band play in Las Vegas or Las Vegas Valley?

As dumb as it may sound, I did not realize that there was any other meaning other than the city. Looking into the source though (band site and a dead link at that) I'm gonna need to re-research the touring for this album. Been a long time since I did GA on this, so I have no idea if this was there then or not.--L1A1 FAL (talk) 05:48, 10 August 2014 (UTC)

• Is Arcanium worth a redlink?

Nope. Probably was added after GA process--L1A1 FAL (talk) 05:48, 10 August 2014 (UTC)

• Was American Carnage in 2010?

As per above, touring will need to be re-researched--L1A1 FAL (talk) 05:48, 10 August 2014 (UTC)

• "an impassioned plea from Aragorn to his loyal fighters in Lord of the Rings trilogy": is this a Mustaine quote?

Quote from the cited source. Just removed the quote--L1A1 FAL (talk) 05:48, 10 August 2014 (UTC)

• about nitro fuel funny cars: can this be reworded so the links don't bump into each other? They appear to be a single link.

I'll just remove "Nitro Fuel"--L1A1 FAL (talk) 05:48, 10 August 2014 (UTC)

• is a two-piece song: is it two songs on one track, or a two-part song?

Kind of both, actually, but "two-part" would probably work better.--L1A1 FAL (talk) 05:48, 10 August 2014 (UTC)

• "Head Crusher", describes a medieval torture device: this is an WP:EGG---it appears the link will go to a page about mediaeval torture devices. Maybe "the medieval torture device of the same name"?

Tweaked it somewhat. I tend to use piped links alot in my writing style.--L1A1 FAL (talk) 05:32, 10 August 2014 (UTC)

• was about "warrior creed: "a" or "the" warrior creed?

Original source did not specify an article. Just removed the entire quote.

• potential depression years of 2000 [sic]": is [sic] in the source, or did you add it?

I added that the other day, so someone didn't think that there was a typo within the quote. Should it be outside the quote?--L1A1 FAL (talk) 05:32, 10 August 2014 (UTC)

• and received a music video directed by: received a music video?
• roughly based on the story of Shawn Nelson: could we get a brief description so we don't need to click through?

Rewrote several sentences and gave summary of Nelson's story--L1A1 FAL (talk) 05:32, 10 August 2014 (UTC)

• with David Ellefson since his return to the band: when did he return?

I believe I remedied that when I was reworking something else--L1A1 FAL (talk) 18:10, 10 August 2014 (UTC)

• Rust in Peace anniversary tour: was the tour called Rust in Peace? If is was, then not italics. Either way, I'd change it to something like "the band's anniversay tour for Rust in Peace".

Done.--Retrohead (talk) 07:33, 11 August 2014 (UTC)

• I thought I heard somewhere that {{Album ratings}} was to be avoided these days.
• A lot of the quotes could be paraphrased succinctly, and would read better if you did. The quotes are really much more extensive than they should be.
• Musician Slash gave a favorable review: "musician"? How about "rock guitarist" or something that gives the less-informed reader an idea of who he is?

Done--L1A1 FAL (talk) 18:10, 10 August 2014 (UTC)

• No negative or neutral criticism of the album?
• You could add a {{Portal}} or {{Portal bar}}

That's all I gots. Curly Turkey ⚞¡gobble!⚟ 04:09, 10 August 2014 (UTC)