Wikipedia:Peer review/Egyptian presidential election, 2012/archive1

Egyptian presidential election, 2011 edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
for peer review because to get some feedback and perhaps some help.

Thanks, The Egyptian Liberal (talk) 20:09, 20 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Peer review "is intended for high-quality articles that have already undergone extensive work, often as a way of preparing a featured article candidate. ... For feedback on articles that are less developed, use the article's talk page or requests for feedback." For a subject that will only be concluded in 2011, this article is highly unstable to conduct a peer review for. I recommend speedy closing of this request. Jappalang (talk) 02:42, 27 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this, but I agree that it needs a lot of work. Here are some suggestions for improvement.

The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, although the article may need fewer sections / headers too
The article needs more references - right now whole sections are uncited and need refs so that they can be verified and show that they are not original research. My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref.
Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
Sections like Mohamed Hassanein Heikal proposal, which have no refs currently make no sense. There is no context - when and where was this proposal made? This information should be included per WP:PCR, but refs would at least allow interested readers to look at the original documents and see what was going on.
Per WP:CITE references come AFTER punctuation, and are usually at the end of a sentence or phrase.
The language needs a copyedit, though the lack of refs has to be fixed first. Here is one example: Leading figures in the Muslim Brotherhood have refused to go into Egypt's presidential election even if they get the legal requirements [3] and refused women and Copts run for presidency again [4]. The ref needs to be fixed as noted, and "refused women and Copts run for presidency again" is not grammatical and its meaning is unclear.
The Anis Degheidy section seems to have a copy and paste error. All it says is: Abdullah Al Ashaal is an Egyptian politician and a novelist who announced that he might run[16].
The article has many short (one or two sentence) paragraphs and sections - these should be combined with others in most cases and perhaps expanded in a few.
Section headers need to all follow WP:HEAD - for example "Criticism of the 2011 Presidential Election Arrangements" repeats the article title, which is a no no
There are far too many external links - see WP:EL I suspect many of them could be converted into references.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 00:43, 31 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]