Wikipedia:Peer review/Dwarfism/archive1

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because this article is under the scope of Wikipedia:WikiProject AP Biology 2008 and I want to find ways to flesh out the information contained and get the article slated for a WP:GA or even WP:FA nomination in the upcoming six months.

For instance:

  • Tips on the type of information that would be helpful in describing Dwarfism and its effects
  • Pointers in helping the article conform to the Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style_(medicine-related_articles)
  • Help in describing dwarfism and its relation to culture throughout history, namely how culture would tie into an encyclopedic entry on Dwarfism
  • Organizing the content up to an encyclopedic standard
  • Any other advice on grammar, wording, or anything that could be helpful in getting Dwarfism up to FA status!


Thanks, Deusraijin (talk) 04:17, 18 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Very briefly, here are some suggestions for improvement.

  • Expand the lead per WP:LEAD - my rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, but Cultural refs and Treatment / problems are not in the lead.
  • There are several short (one or two sentence) paragraphs which break up the flow of the article. These should be combined with others, or perhaps expanded.
  • There are also many bullet point lists which should be converted into prose text in almost all cases.
  • The whole literature section needs references. My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref.
  • Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
  • IMDB is not generallly a relaible source
  • Per WP:CITE references come AFTER punctuation (no extra spaces), and are usually at the end of a sentence or phrase
  • Per WP:HEAD, do not repeat the name of the article in headers - so "Problems associated with dwarfism" could just be "Associated problems". The same MOS section says to change "Film & Television" to "Film and television"
  • Problem sentence Nowadays, the LPA (Little Peoples of America) deems "little people" the most appropriate description.[2] Use a date (As of 2008...) not nowadays. The name is Little People of America and should linked. Focusing only on America could be seen as POV - see WP:NPOV
  • As the above sentence shows, this needs a copyedit.
  • See also should be at the top of a section
  • Per WP:MOS#Images, images should be set to thumb width to allow reader preferences to take over. For portrait format images, "upright" can be used to make the image narrower.
  • A model article is useful for ideas on structure and examples to follow - there are many possible model FAs at Wikipedia:Featured_articles#Health_and_medicine

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 03:13, 2 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]