Diary of a Wimpy Kid edit
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… This is the Wikiproject's main concern.
Thanks, Greg Heffley 00:03, 30 October 2011 (UTC)
Lede:
- The lede is too short. Remember that a lede is to generate interest into the article and to summarise its content. I have put a maintenance tag on it.
Plot:
- "The book opens with Greg Heffley saying how bad his life is with his family, and his best friend Rowley Jefferson, whom Greg worries about, and the moldy cheese on the playground, telling how once a kid named Darren Walsh touched it, and it started a link called the "Cheese Touch."". As if you were trying to summarise everything into a few sentences. Please decompress it. I have the book at home and it is described in a much, much, MUCH longer fashion.
- A="Greg faces many hardships, including Halloween."
- B="Greg faces many hardships, for example Halloween."
- According to you, which sentence looks best?
- "As Greg and Rowley go Trick-or-Treating, they anger some teenagers who chase them. They barely escape but manage to get to Greg's grandma's house, the teenagers see them inside and so Greg and Rowley taunt them. Not all goes to plan though and when they get home and Greg's dad, who was hassled by kids, throws water at them and the water soaks their candy." Please compress this sentence.
- You know you can cite books too?
- "The Wizard of Oz play[3] is also a hardship for Greg, Patty Farell, who plays Dorothy, is coming on stage, and since Greg is a Tree, he thinks he can throw apples at her, but the director takes it out for health and safety. Mrs. Norton, the music director, tries to make the Trees sing an embarrassing song, but on the night nobody sings out of fear and the play is ruined.[4]" This could be joined up with the above Halloween paragraph.
Background:
- Rename the section 'Franchise' and remove the 3rd level sub-section OR add more content to it.
Major themes:
- Again, rename the section 'Jealousy' and remove the 3rd level sub-section OR add more content to it.
Development and reception:
- It is not cited adequately.
- I can see no major problem with this bar the referencing, but some more content could be added.
Adaptations:
- The section requires more referencing and a bit of an expansion about the movie.
Referencing:
- Overall, the article lacks adequate referencing.
- Reference 1 links to the second book, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules, instead of Diary of a Wimpy Kid.
- For most of the part, every paragraph has one reference. I am not saying that every sentence needs to have a citation, but every statement needs to have a citation.
OVERALL: The following points need to be improved:
- Referencing
- Expansion to some of the above sections.
- Comprssing and decompressing some of the above sections.
Can you also review my article 2000s European sovereign debt crisis timeline? – Plarem (User talk contribs) 09:15, 1 November 2011 (UTC)