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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because the article is in a dying need of a c/e and I know that cannot be done here as there are a lot of articles to review. However, I was sent back to here (for this article) to be peer reviewed while I asked for a question on WT:FAC to see if the article is ready for at FAC. But as you may know, my English isn't very good even though I am a native speaker born in America. So if there are any changes, fixes or concerns please state them
Thanks, AJona1992 (talk) 22:50, 19 July 2011 (UTC)
Comments by Malleus Fatuorum You obviously realise that you need to recruit a good copyeditor to help with the prose, so I won't dwell on that aspect of the article. A few other observations:
- I think the level of detail sometimes borders on the trivial. For instance we're told that "While on tour in Japan, David Byrne read of the murder in the International Herald Tribune." So what?
David Bryne had done a duet with Selena. I'll remove if its still trivia
- There's a lot of overciting throughout the article. Take the first paragraph of the Early 1994-1995 section for instance, in which the same citation appears three times consecutively. As the entire paragraph is cited to a single source it would be less distracting just to cite the paragraph at the end, not after every sentence.
I had a lot of peer reviews and FAC articles that users were asking for a source, even if the whole sentence is from one source
- There seem to be a few gaps in the story. For instance, I'm not clear why Selena and her husband visited Saldívar in her motel room at midnight. Was the meeting pre-arranged or did they just turn up out of the blue?
- "Saldivar persuaded Selena to meet with her secretly. The next morning, Selena went back to the Days Inn motel." The chronology seems a little strange there. When did Salvidar and Selena agree to this secret meeting? Why would Selena have agreed to a secret meeting anyway, and how could it be secret if it took place in a motel room? Also, why is she called Salvidar here but Saldívar elsewhere in the article?
- "Selena told Saldívar that she could not be trusted anymore and removed the egg ring that Saldivar had bought her." What's an egg ring? Removed it from where?