Darnestown, Maryland edit
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This peer review discussion is closed. |
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to get it to Good Article.
Thanks, TwoScars (talk) 16:05, 6 October 2020 (UTC)
General
- The lead doesn't summarise the article.
- It could do with a thorough copy edit to tighten up the prose (see a selection of examples below)
- The Geography section focusses far too much on administrative and demographic geography (which could be covered in the demography section) and has little about physical geography (rivers, forests, hills etc)
- The history section looks a little unbalanced but I do appreciate sometimes in small settlements, nothing happens, and that sources can also be tricky to find.
Lead
- "It is 16.39 square miles (42.4 km2) with the..." What is, the CDP or the unincorporated area?
- "....existed in the 1800s and continues today". One of those copy edit moments I was referring to earlier. Just, "...has existed since 1800" is all that's needed here.
- "...who was the largest land owner near the beginning of the 19th century". Largest land owner? what, in the world? Also, I would be inclined to say '...at the beginning' rather than '...near the beginning'.
- Changed to "The name Darnestown comes from William Darne, who owned the most land in the area at the beginning of the 19th century when the community Post office opened." TwoScars (talk) 20:30, 6 December 2020 (UTC)
- "The area began being settled around 1750". Began being? What about saying, 'Settlement in the area began around 1750'?
- "...and the tiny community had been called Mount Pleasant and then Darnes before the name Darnestown began being used". What about simply saying, '...the tiny community was called Mount Pleasant and then Darnes before Darnestown'?
- "Beginning with the 2000 census, the Census Bureau created a Darnestown census-designated place". Why not just say, 'The CDP was created for the 2000 Census'?
More to come. --Ykraps (talk) 17:24, 3 December 2020 (UTC)
History
- "The first European (mostly Scotts and English)..." The people may have been Scots but the settlement would have been Scottish.
- "...were established in 1688, and were near Rock Creek and what became Rockville". '...were established in 1688,
and werenear Rock Creek and whatbecame[was to become] Rockville'.
- "...in Montgomery County, Maryland". Did either Montgomery County or Maryland exist in 1688? If not, might be better to say, the area that became, like you have with Rockville, later on in the sentence, and Poolsville and Darnestown in the one following.
- "...he was still listed as postmaster in 1850". To avoid awkward repetition of postmaster, you could say, and was still listed as such in 1850.
- I'm not sure that naming all these non-notable people adds anything to the article.
- If you have dates when the first store, post office, tavern and blacksmiths opened, that would be interesting but just saying, a tavern opened (at some unknown point in Darnestown's history) is not.
- "Among area mills", sounds awkward. What about mills in the area included... Also, probably better to list in chronological order, so Seneca Mill first.
- "The Darnestown area became occupied during 1861..." What about The Darnestown area was occupied in 1861... or occupation of the Darnestown area began in 1861?
- "The community of Seneca existed on the edge of the Darnestown District and now the Darnestown CDP, on Seneca Creek near the Potomac River". Not sure I understand this sentence. Does the community still exist? The first part of the sentence indicates it no longer exists (existed) and the second part suggests it still does (now).
- Shouldn't Seneca be a sub-heading of historic places? (One more = sign on each side to make it a level 4 heading).
Geography
- Consider putting the stuff about historical districts in the History section.
- I would expect this section to include information on:
- The underlying geology
- Any notable geographical features
- Highest and lowest points
- Notable rivers - What type of river and where it starts and finishes
- Percentage of land covered by housing, farmland, forest etc
- Flora and fauna - any rare plants or animals found there, predominant vegetation
- Any areas that are protected or of interest to ecologist (what in the UK might be called a Site of Special Scientific Interest)
- etc
- Add the abbreviation parameter to the convert template on subsequent uses. IE {{convert|16.58|sqmi|km2|abbr=on}}, displays as 16.58 sq mi (42.9 km2)
Demographics
- "The Darnestown CDP had 2,064 housing units, a total area of 17.69 square miles (45.8 km2), and a land area of 16.58 square miles (42.9 km2)". This doesn't appear to add up. Earlier, we were told that the Darnestown CDP had an area of 16.39 square miles so how does that 17.69 square miles of housing fit in? Also, what does the second figure refer to; land left over?
- There's a nasty repetition of square miles throughout the section. Adding the abbreviation parameter, as discussed above, will help or you could rewrite to avoid some of it.
- "The average number of housing units per square mile (housing density) was 124.5 inhabitants per square mile". Is this a typo? The number of inhabitants per square mile is population density not housing density.
Current
- "In Bloomberg's 2020 Index of the 200 richest communities within the United States, Darnestown was ranked 50th in the country". Either remove 'within the United States' or 'in the country'. You don't need both.
- If there are no native Americans or Pacific Islanders, I don't see a need to mention them. Or, you could just put at the end, There are no native Americans or Pacific Islanders living in the CDP.
Economy
- The data are?
- "The data based on the Census Bureau 2012 Survey of Business Owners lists 881 firms in Darnestown". Seems like it needs some commas. UK/US comma usage does differ somewhat so I might be wrong but I'd put one after 'data' and one after 'owners'.
More to come. --Ykraps (talk) 11:09, 5 December 2020 (UTC)
I couldn't find anything obvious in the remainder of the article so I think that's about it from me. Good luck with the Good Article Nomination, when you get round to it. Best --Ykraps (talk) 08:12, 6 December 2020 (UTC)