Wikipedia:Peer review/Christopher C. Kraft, Jr./archive1

Christopher C. Kraft, Jr. edit

This article was recently peer reviewed by the Biography WikiProject, but I am trying to gather as many opinions as possible before nominating it as a FAC. Any comments or suggestions would be gratefully received. MLilburne 23:14, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

This was a fascinating article, and an absolute pleasure to review! Here's just about everything I could suggest (and I had to get VERY nitpicky to find anything at all):

He was also a keen baseball player and continued to play baseball in college, where one year he had a batting average of .340.
I corrected a few misplaced commas due to independent clauses. For example: In 1942, Kraft began his studies at Virginia Tech, and became a member of the Corps of Cadets. The comma is only necessary if both parts of the sentences are independent clauses (i.e. they could be a complete sentence). You can a) drop the comma, or b) change the second phrase to "Tech, he became a member ...". I tried to correct most of the ones I saw, but if you see any more they should be fixed.
When, on arrival at Chance Vought, he was told that he could not be inducted without his birth certificate: Purely curiousity, why didn't he have his birth certificate?
After the flight, astronaut John Glenn, in the words of Time Magazine, "affirm[ed] the superiority of astronauts over chimponauts," It's a bit awkward because they're actually Glenn's words in Time Magazine. I believe what the article means to say here is: In Time Magazine after the flight, astronaut John Glenn, "affirm[ed] the superiority..."

This is the only point I disagree with, as I've checked the article, and they are indeed the words of Time Magazine rather than Glenn.

Last thing, ultra-super nitpicky: Commas after very short introductory phrases (e.g. "In 1942, something happened.") are superfluous, though in very common usage. I wouldn't change anything unless a) it comes up again in your FAC review, or b) you are as incredibly anal as I am.

I think that was just about everything I could find. Good luck with everything, thank you for the delightful read!--Will.i.am 11:56, 5 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Oh, and can you make the notes come out as two columns? Especially because some of the notes are rather short. I saw you had done this with the Challenger article and think it's a great idea. cheers!--Will.i.am 12:23, 5 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks very much for the comments, they're very helpful! I'm sorry that I wasn't able to respond sooner, but I've been ill for a couple of days so wasn't able to get to the computer. I'll now make the changes you've suggested. MLilburne 17:34, 6 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]