Wikipedia:Peer review/Christina Aguilera/archive3

Christina Aguilera edit

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for August 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
This article has been subject to three consecutive failed GA nominations, following a deslist in 2006. For most of them, substantial effort has been put into getting these to a modern GA level. For example, each reviewer holds the GA and gives ideas on how to improve the article, which are all considered and improved upon. However, each nomination fails with something along the lines of "there are more problems that are present that are not listed". I'm establishing this peer review to stamp out all possible problems so that we not waste time and milestone template space on failed GAs.

Thanks, w^L^{<speak·check>} 08:52, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Giggy edit

I think the main thing holding this one back is the little things, and these things can be fixed! A few things that stand out at a glance;
Italics. Stuff like MTV shouldn't have it. Blender should. Check your ref publishers too (Ctrl+F is your friend).
I don't think Christina Aguilera (disambiguation) is necessary, as everything is linked in the article (so I'd get rid of the hatnote on the main article and delete the dab page).
All the images look fine, which is good.
"She was signed to RCA Records after recording "Reflection"[2] for the film Mulan." - the most reliable source you can find for this is a Romanian travel guide? Can do better.
The first few sentences need resorting. Ideally the first paragraph would be really broad; it should jump out and slap the reader with why she is notable. She's not notable for writing a song for a movie and getting a record label contract anywhere near as much as she's notable for Stripped, Back to Basics, and the other "big things" she's done.
Check for stuff like this throughout.
Consider the article length the lead could definitely be expanded some more. It really needs to make (decent) mention of each section.
Random prose issue: "Aguilera, however, had not yet publicly confirmed her pregnancy at the time" - remove the "however" and the commas and see if it flows better. I'll try and do a full prose review at some point.
I hope these comments help. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Cheers, —Giggy 05:00, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Auntof6 edit

A few sentences that don't read as smoothly as they could, and suggestions for improvement

Sentence 1

In 2000 Aguilera was the face for make-up line Fetish where she worked in choosing colors and packaging for the line, she ended her contract the following year.

This needs more than a comma after "for the line". It could be separate sentences, or separate clauses of a single sentence. Suggestions:

In 2000 Aguilera was the face for make-up line Fetish where she worked in choosing colors and packaging for the line. She ended her contract the following year.
In 2000 Aguilera was the face for make-up line Fetish where she worked in choosing colors and packaging for the line; she ended her contract the following year.

Sentence 2

The second single, "Beautiful" received critical praise, the classically influenced ballad reached number one in several countries and peaked at #2 in the US.

Like the first example above, this should be two sentences, or at least two clauses. Put a period or a semicolon after "praise", or try this (note the change from "peaked" to "peaking" to have consistent verb tense):

The second single, the classically influenced ballad "Beautiful", received critical praise, reaching number one in several countries and peaking at #2 in the US.

Sentence 3

Aguilera's work has earned her numerous awards including five Grammy Awards amongst eighteen nominations.

This needs one or two commas, depending on the meaning. Were all 18 nominations for Grammies? In that case:

Aguilera's work has earned her numerous awards, including five Grammy Awards amongst eighteen nominations.

If some of the eighteen were for other awards, then:

Aguilera's work has earned her numerous awards, including five Grammy Awards, amongst eighteen nominations.

I haven't tried to list every example, but I hope these help. Auntof6 (talk) 05:01, 5 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]