Wikipedia:Peer review/Chris Long (American football)/archive1

Chris Long (American football) edit

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because there is one person whom beleives that this article doesn't need any improvement. I would like to hear what others think about this article and how it can be improved upon. --Pinkkeith (talk) 14:57, 17 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I think it is unfair to say I don't want "any" improvements. I just didn't want large sections deleted. In the end, that's what has occured anyway, so it seems my opinion counts for nothing.72.0.36.36 (talk) 06:40, 19 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from « Milk's Favorite Cøøkie

Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space -   between a number and the unit of measurement.
If your aiming for a GA, the lead needs to be expanded to meet WP:LEAD.
Add {{persondata|PLEASE SEE [[WP:PDATA]]!}} along with the required parameters to the article - see Wikipedia:Persondata for more information.
There are a couple of "dead link" tags for non-existing external links. Provide alternate references.
Both the 2005 and 2006 sections need to be expanded and referenced.
That's all for now. « Milk's Favorite Cøøkie 16:58, 19 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: I agree with all of Milk's Favorite Cookie's comments. Here are some further suggestions for improvement (read it last night):

Nothing should be just in the lead - so his father being Howie Long should also be in the body of the article.
What is his mother's name?
I would move the "Personal" section on his brothers into the "Early life" section. I would also name his other brother.
Some of the sentences are so poorly written that it is almost impossible to tell what is meant. Two examples:
- As a senior in 2003 he was in on 91 tackles, 23 tackles for a loss, and 15 sacks helping his team to an undefeated record and the state championship. Do the 23 tackles for a loss count as part of the 91 tackles?
- The selection made him just the second son of a Hall of Famer, after Kellen Winslow II, to be drafted in the first round, the fifth such player ever drafted, and one of two such players drafted in 2008 (the other being Matthew Slater).[14] I have no idea what the fifth such player ever drafted means here - the fifth son of a Hall of Famer perhaps? Also two such players - what kind?
2005 and 2006 have zero refs. Any reason the college carrer couldn't be one section 2004 - 2006 and then a second section on his senior year?
Very listy stuff in "Pre-2008 NFL Draft" section - put it into prose and provide context for the reader. Are these numbers better than average or worse? What is "Campus pro day" (at least there is a link for "NFL combine")? See WP:PCR
Avoid one or two sentence paragraphs and sections. Expand or combine.
All internet refs need title, URL, publisher, date accessed (and author, date, etc. if known)

Article needs a lot of work to get to GA. By the way PR is not for dispute resolution either. Hope this helps, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 21:25, 19 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]