Bronnitsy edit
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because, after a large expansion lasting several months involving me and NVO (emphasis on NVO), I've come ot the conclusion that maybe, possibly, I'll be able to attain at least a shade of the dream I had in late -09, which was to bring this to FA level. I now think that GA wouldn't be too far away from where the article currently stands. I'm fine with any article coming under review, but would like the part written by NVO (no offense) to be scrutinized extra, as to me it sounds a bit rusty in terms of Russian-English translation.
Thanks, Buggie111 (talk) 02:01, 5 September 2011 (UTC)
Ruhrfisch comments: This is interesting and not too far from GA, but will need a fair amount of work before it would have a chance at FAC. Here are some suggestions for improvement.
- A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow. There are about 60 FAs on cities at Category:FA-Class WikiProject Cities articles which seems like it would offer many potentially useful models.
- One of the FA criteria is comprehnsiveness and GA requires broad coverage of the topic. Looking at some of the model FAs, this article is missing anything on geology and climate, to name two topics usually found in articles on cities / towns.
- The lead should be a summary of the whole article and as such should at least mention all of the important points. I try to see that every header is mentioned in the lead in some way, but I do not see anyhting on sports and education.
- In general, all metric units need to also have conversions to English units. This is done in a few places, but not in most. The {{convert}} template works well for this task.
- Toolbox on this PR page finds several dead links that will need to be fixed before GAN or FAC
- The porse is OK, but not great and does read in places like it was translated and needs to be polished a bit. I would make sure this has a copy edit before taking it to GAN. Ask at WP:GOCE or someone listed at WP:PR/V in the copyeditor section. I would fix the other issues first though.
- One way to improve the prose would be to avoid almost all short (one or two sentence) paragraphs and sections, as they impede the narrative flow of the article.
- Another way to improve the prose would be to avoid bullet point lists / plain lists in most cases - for example in the lead there is just a string of population data and years with no real explanatory text. I doubt that level of historical detail is needed in the lead which is an overview / summary of the rest of the article, but narrative reads better than just lists.
- There are places in the article that need references - for example the first and last paragraphs in Geography have no refs and need them. Much of Education and sprots also needs refs.
- My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref.
- Make sure that enough information is given that someone could look up a ref and find the specifics cited here. This ref does not meet that standard: See for example entries in 19th century gazetteers: ... Need to be much more specific. See WP:CITE and WP:V
- Headings need work - I doubt most people think the Modern age ended in 1897 ;-)
- There is no history in that section post-1964 - nothing has happened of note in the past nearlt 50 years?? What about the fall of Communism and the breakup of the Soviet Union?
- Since the rowing schools are mentioned a few times, could a photo of them or of rowers from the schools be obtained and uploaded here?
- The mOS says to use numbers if over ten so 300 and 31,000 in By 2007 three hundred out of 31 thousand victims of political terror in Moscow Oblast were identified as residents of Bronnitsy.[47]
- I just get the feeling reading this that I am not getting the whole story. For example we are told of the cathedral and then the Jerusalem church and the tower. Cathedrals (at least in the west) are the seat of a bishop, which is usually a person of some importance and power. There is one mention of an Archbishop, but it is not clear if he was in Bronnitsy or not (I doubt such a small town would be the see of an archbishop!). If this is a cathedral without a bishop, that needs to be explained too.
- Captions could be better - for example the File:Bronnitsy Cathedral Square Mar 2010 06.jpg should identify the buildings shown - my guess is that the belltower is the red brick structure at left, the Jerusalem church may be the white building in the center, and cathedral is at right. The caption should make this clearer and giving years would help too.
- Or the caption on File:Bronnitsy Sovetskaya 55 Mar 2010 01.jpg is just "Barns on the main street." My guess is that these are horse stables (which are not really barns), but who built them and when? Are they from the Tsarist time?
- Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)
Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 04:35, 30 September 2011 (UTC)