Wikipedia

Wikipedia:Peer review/Bartow, Florida/archive1

< Wikipedia:Peer review

Bartow, Florida edit

Toolbox
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've done a lot of work on this article over the past month, think I've improved it considerably (see last edit before I made my first edit here and request comments on where to go from here. I'd like to eventually bring this up for FA (but first GA).

Thanks, VictorianMutant (talk) 10:17, 8 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Jappalang

Lede

  • "Bartow is a historical city whose origins predate the American Civil War."
    Better to place a timeframe than to direct readers away from this article to find out (not everyone is going to know when the American Civil War occured.
      Done
  • "In 1867, the county seat was established at the site of Fort Blount ..."
    What county? What and where was Fort Blount?
      Done

History

  • "The first Paleo-indians arrived in the Bartow area ..."
    Why is "paleo-indian" capitalized here?
      Done
    I capitalized it before seeing this, while doing a read through...I believe they are a proper name and need to be capitalized? CTJF83 chat 04:38, 20 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "... gave way to the first permanent residents in the area, the 'archaic people.'"
    So who were these "archaic people"?
    I see that this was modified to "the 'archaic people' who were the descendants of the tribes who would come in contact with Europeans." This statement is rather clunky. For one, there are two "who"s, which makes repetitive reading, and am I incorrect to say they should be the "ancestors" instead of "descendants"? If so, might I suggest "the 'archaic people' who were the ancestors of the Native American tribes." Jappalang (talk) 12:45, 14 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    Used your suggestion.VictorianMutant (talk) 15:31, 14 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "... there were over 250,000 on the peninsula."
    250,000 "paleo-indians", "archaic people", or a mix of both?
      Done
    In line with the above suggestion, I suggest changing the adjusted "... there were over 250,000 Indians on the peninsula." to "... there were more than 250,000 Native Americans on the peninsula." Jappalang (talk) 12:45, 14 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    Used your suggestion.VictorianMutant (talk) 15:31, 14 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "... diseases such as Small Pox or Yellow Fever were ..."
    Why are these diseases capitalized?
      Done
  • "... these tribes would merge together with Creek Indians ..."
    Replace the wordy "would merge" with the simpler "merged".
      Done
  • "After over 250 years of being in Spanish possession, with a brief British period of rule, the United States ..."
    The United States (50 states) was in Spanish possession?
      Done
    Addition of "Florida" does not help (the addition is in the wrong place); the problem is that the first two clauses (in Spanish possession and under British rule) are applied to the very first noun in the the clause after them; in this case, "the United States" is taken as the target of those two preceding clauses. Please rephrase the sentence. Jappalang (talk) 12:45, 14 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    Changed sentence. In the grand scheme of things, mentioning Britain isn't important. They really never settled Florida (especially not around Bartow) and left little trace.


  • "At the conclusion of the First Seminole War, the United States passed the Indian Removal Act of 1830, which attempted to remove most of the Seminoles to Oklahoma."
    Unsourced
    What's wrong with the Seminole Tribe source?
    Nothing wrong, just overlooked it during a pass (Due to time constraints, I may not be able to give the changes a complete look-through). Regardless, the use of a primary source (descendants of those affected) might be frowned upon at FAC. If possible, get a secondary source (preferably an academic historical article) to cover this. Jappalang (talk) 00:52, 15 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Geography

  • First paragraph is unsourced.
    (changes in paragraph pending in next few days) VictorianMutant (talk)
    added sources, misc changes
    Changed distance sources to indo.com. Only google source left is to show "triangle" (but it is secondary source- kept to illustrate "triangle" better). Also added better source for "located near the headwaters of the Peace River at Lake Hancock." VictorianMutant (talk) 02:39, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Physiography and soils

  • "Many soils in the Bartow area are sandy throughout; others have sandy surface layers and clay subsoils, and the eastern outskirts of town have a clay-rich floodplain through which the Peace River flows."
    "What is "others" referring to: soil or area?
      Done
  • "... rich in phosphorus -- an uncommon ..."
    Why is a double hyphen here? Please read up MOS:DASH.
      Done

Climate

  • "Even so, the familiar pattern found throughout central Florida is evident in the climate of Bartow: ..."
    "Regardless, the climate pattern prevalent throughout central Florida is evident in Bartow: ..."
      Done
  • "... hurricane force winds ..."
    "... hurricane-force winds ..."
      Done
  • "In fact, until 2004, the last storm ..."
    Drop "In fact", it is redundant.
      Done
  • "... hurricanes are actually not the most common ..."
    "Actually" is redundant.
      Done
  • "... "lightning alley"- the ...", "... the question- one storm ...", "A hard freeze- ..."
    Why are unspaced hyphens with a trailing space used here? MOS:DASH asks for a consistent dash scheme.
      Done
    Spotted one more. Jappalang (talk) 12:45, 14 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "On average, the area can expect freezing temperatures every other year, ..."
    In which part(s) of "every other year"? Be precise.
      Done
  • "... ten straight nights where the temperature ..."
    Nights (time) are not locations.
      Done
    I modified it; "when" is not a good choice either in light of the sentence structure. Jappalang (talk) 12:45, 14 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Government and politics

  • How are the commissioners selected?
      Done
  • "... set forth by the SWFWMD."
    What is the "SWFWMD"?
      Done
  • "The Bartow Police Department employs 52 sworn officers and 27 civilian employees, while the Bartow Fire Department has 21 full time firemen and 3 volunteers."
    Are these supposed to be permanent figures? Be precise.
Thought I fixed before. Must have been my "edit conflict" with myself
  • "... operates the Bartow Public library founded in 1897, ..."
    "... operates the Bartow Public library, which was founded in 1897, ..."
      Done
  • "... part of the so-called I-4 corridor."
    Why is "I-4 corridor" in italics?
      Done
  • "... the city of Bartow trends even more conservatively in state and federal elections."
    I find this sentence awkward. Can it be rephrased?
  • "... in major races since the 1970s ..."
    Better to use "elections" and not mislead others who might not be familiar with "races" as an electoral term.
  • "Although the residents of Bartow have supported the Republicans in major races since the 1970s, they have been much slower to switch their party affiliation."
    I do not see how this statement is supported by (or is related to) the two statistical sentences that follow it.
      Done What might not be understood by those who are unfamiliar with American politics is that when one registers to vote in the US, most places require you to state a party affiliation (Dem, Rep, independent or other). So most Bartow residents are affiliated with the Democratic party but vote *against* their party routinely in major races (eg. voting against Barrack Obama who was their party's candidate). There are historical reasons for that outside the scope of the article. I have restructured to make it clearer that even though Bartow residents are primarily Democrats in how they view themselves, they tend to not support the party in elections.

Demographics (I plan on overhauling section in next few days, so won't touch for now) VictorianMutant (talk)

  • The first four paragraphs (except for the 2000 date) are unsourced. Each paragraph should be at least cited to a reliable source, even if the source is the same for all.
    They are the same for all. Have added cite to other 3 paragraphs. VictorianMutant (talk) 15:31, 14 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "This population reflects the construction of the Clear Springs Development Company east and south of town ..."
    Which population? The Dutch, the French, or the Irish? Or are we talking about "population figure"? In which case, 27,675 or 44,796? Why would such a figure reflect "the construction of the Clear Springs Development Company"?
    Removed sentence because it was kind of speculation anyway.
  • Statistics in the table for "U.S. Census Population Estimates" are uncited.
    Sources added

Religion (I plan on overhauling subsection in next few days, so won't touch for now) VictorianMutant (talk)

  • "... mandated by the original Summerlin grant, ..."
    A grant is "a sum of money given by an organization, especially a government, for a particular purpose". I see no previous mention of such item, in regards to "Summerlin grant". What is it?
    Removed... simply mentioned the two churches, when they were founded and left it at that.
  • "... within the Bartow area of various denominations."
    Bartow is split into various denominations?
    Left out "of various denominations" Obviously if there were 70 churches they wouldn't all be the same denomination (or even a few).
  • The statistical breakdown of religious adherents is applicable for which year?
    2000 from the ARDA archives published by Glenmary Research, added.
  • "... the city has always rented a building to the service center for $1 per year."
    Drop "always", be precise: since when?
    Found and added a date with cite.
  • "... the center is moving to a building twice its size down the road."
    Has it finished moving? If not, when?
    It has. Changed.
  • "... the Lakeland Ledger for ..."
    Italics? Or is the Ledger not a newspaper? Why did they suddenly blame the Ledger?
    Removed Ledger "blame" because it seemed slightly POV anyway.
  • "Religion has always played a significant role in the lives of many Bartownians."
    Is there a source for this? Having churches throughout their history does not necessarily mean religion was a significant role in their lives... Jappalang (talk) 12:55, 16 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    I just got rid of the first sentence... I like the section starting with the next sentence better.

Economy

  • "A couple years after opening his store, William M. Burdines opened a store in Miami and relocated his operations there."
    Unsourced
      Done
  • "... the second largest number of farmland acres in the state ..."
    Grammatically incorrect: I have never heard of "the largest number of square metres", "the heaviest amount of kilograms", or such.
      Done? would this be better? "In terms of area, Polk County has 600,000 acres (2,400 km2) dedicated to agriculture which is the second most of any county in the state." Restructured entire agriculture paragraph.
  • "The new bumper crop in the area has become blueberries."
    "The new bumper crop in the area is blueberry." Be precise, when did this happen?
      Done see above
  • "In the last seven years, Polk County ..."
    "The last seven years" apply to the next two years, 2020, 2025, 2050, and 2100?
      Done see above
    "Past seven years" does not cut it either. Best is to put down the range of years, e.g. "From 1990–97, ..." or such. Jappalang (talk) 12:45, 14 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    Got it. Article was in 2007, so it was 2000-2007
  • Last paragraph is unsourced.
    added sources
    Changed tourist attraction distances to indo.com. Used "Lake Buena Vista, Fl for Walt Disney World (nearest town and actual physical address is in Lake Buena Vista). VictorianMutant (talk) 02:39, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Annual festivals and other events

  • "Like most cities, Bartow has its unique local events which dot the calendar and remind people of their heritage and culture and give people a sense of pride in their community. Some of these are events in nearby cities such as the Florida Strawberry Festival in Plant City or the Florida Citrus Festival in Winter Haven."
    Unsourced
    Changed sentences. First seemed kind of POV anyway. Sourced second one. Found out Citrus Festival was no more.
  • Second paragraph is unsourced.
      Done removed...'I've seen a link for this somewhere online and will readd if I can find it.'
    Given up on this one... source has been removed so paragraph permanently deleted.
  • "... at 6 PM ..."
    Why "PM" and "p.m." elsewhere? Be consistent.
      Done

Media

  • Several unsourced statements in this sub-section
    (Changes pending VictorianMutant (talk))
    cropped tv/radio info (which was slightly outdated and added sources
  • "Today, only a semi-weekly newspaper ..."
    How applicable is this statement a few months or years from now? Be precise.
      Done Removed historical papers and changed around
  • "The dominant daily newspaper is The Ledger out of Lakeland, although the Tampa Tribune, the News Chief out of Winter Haven and the Orlando Sentinel all have some circulation in town."
    Unsourced and "all" is redundant.
      Done found cite and removed "all"

Parks and other recreational activities

  • "Bartow is typical of most cities in Florida in that many of its activities are outdoors."
    Including commericial and industrial? I suspect "recreational activities of its residents" is the target here...?
    Changed sentence.
  • No sources for the statistics presented (except for Bartow Park).
      Done same ref as Bartow Park
  • "Many of these lakes are strip mine lakes which are closed to the public, ..."
    "Many of these lakes were formerly strip mines; they are closed to the public, ..."
      Done

Transportation (planned restructuring of section)

  • "... a large bond issue in 1914 enabled wide roads ..."
    I find it hard to relate that a "bond issue" (whatever that is) would enable "wide roads". Can this be clarified?
    eliminated, restructured paragraph... important thing was arches not bond issue.
  • "Then county commission clerk W.S. Wev proposed ..."
    "The country commission clerk at that time, W.S. Wev, proposed ..."
      Done
  • "... every road entering Polk County heralding the motorist's entrance ..."
    Noun plus -ing construct: please see User:Tony1/Noun plus -ing on the issues with such constructs and how to improve them.
    changed to "announcing"
    That does nothing to change the construct from the noun plus -ing "... <noun> entering ... <noun> announcing ...". Jappalang (talk) 03:23, 15 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    Think I got it now... VictorianMutant (talk) 11:59, 15 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Why are there graphics (highway signs) in the text? This seems to me a violation of the MoS's "Avoid entering textual information as images".
      Done
  • Who said the mentioned roads and highways were "important"?
    changed to Us Highways and State Roads
  • "Both Tampa International Airport and Orlando International Airport are less than an hour away."
    Unsourced (furthermore, such times are dependent on speed and traffic condition; lacking of precision)
    changed to distances and sourced
    Changed distances to indo.com. VictorianMutant (talk) 02:39, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The allusion was to the saying "All roads lead to (imperial) Rome"."
    Linking to wikitionary is ill-advised if this article is to be brought to FAC (it would be akin to linking to an unreliable source, according to FAC delegate SandyGeorgia). Furthermore, what source alludes Wev's action to this saying? Jappalang (talk) 12:55, 16 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    The first paragraph seems to be sort of problematic anyway, so I'll start with the street grid.

Education

  • "In 1923, the first African-American high school was opened in the county, Union Academy."
    The county is Union Academy?
      Done
  • "... with the former black high school Union Academy becoming a middle school."
    Noun plus -ing construct
  • "Today, the combined histories of both pre-1969 Union Academy and Summerlin Institute are treated as ..."
    Avoid using "Today".
      Done Removed... doubt it's really entirely relevant
  • "... with the 1969 desegregation a merger of two schools."
    What does this mean?
      Done see above
  • "... currently seven elementary schools and 2 middle schools ..."
    Why is there an inconsistency in formats for single digits?
      Done
  • Why is "The PSC Advanced Technology Center at Clear Springs" in bold?
      Done
  • Last paragraph is uncited.
    added
    Changed distances to indo.com

Sources (will replace all with more reliable sources or if I can't find remove content VictorianMutant (talk))

  • How are attractions.uptake.com/blog/florida-native-american-museums-7383.html, www.city-data.com/housing/houses-Bartow-Florida.html, www.floridafishinginfo.net/polk_county_fishing.html, www.gorp.com/weekend-guide/travel-ta-frostproof-lake-wales-lakeland-winter-haven-sidwcmdev_058594.html, and www.us-highways.com/dixiehwyw.htmreliable sources?
  • Why are readers directed to thepaperboy.com when it is supposed to be referencing www.polkcountydemocrat.com/?
  • Why is freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.ancestry.com/~crackerbarrel/Holland.html used, especially in light of Wikipedia:Reliable sources/Noticeboard/Archive 69#Ancestry.com as a reference??
  • Why is a forum post (www.firehouse.com/forums/showthread.php?t=72663) used?
    uptake.com and ancestry.com removed: they were duplicates of other sources. City-data was census information which I already had a good source for. floridafishinginfo replaced with American Chronicles. gorp replaced by The Ledger(same info). firehouse source replaced with news chief(removed one sentence which was now unsourced. Eliminated us-highways.com sentences and source.
    paperboy.com is gone. Think that is all of the bad sources.
    The forum link is still there... Note: If American Chronicle is asked about at FAC or such, you might have to defend Capt. Steve McDonald as an expert who is widely relied on. He is a fishing guide of Bassmaster Guide Service, so it might be probable on face value that he is such an expert... Jappalang (talk) 03:23, 15 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    Forum is gone now, I think. I think I at one point, I accidentally copied and pasted the firehouse link to the wrong ref and that's why I couldn't find it at first. It's gone.

Images

  • File:Dixietheater1900.jpg
    Just because a photograph was taken before 1923, it does not mean it is in the public domain. That only applies to images published before 1923. Publication (several copies distributed to the public) is not the same as creation.
      Done removed image
  • Captions: incomplete sentences should not end with periods.
      Done

I see several big issues (sourcing, images, and prose) to resolve before going for higher level assessments. Jappalang (talk) 02:45, 14 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the thorough review. I shall start working on it as soon as I can. VictorianMutant (talk) 05:16, 14 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Did some work and think I've made a little dent. a quick question... many of the things above unsourced are things which require distances (distance to airport, neighboring towns, nearby colleges. Can I use google maps directions or is there another source considered more reliable to accurately list as a source for distances between points A & B? VictorianMutant (talk) 11:56, 14 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I am not certain, but I think Google map directions should be acceptable as reliable sources (since their maps are satellite images)... The link/reference should either give instructions on how to check it, or directly show the comparison once it is clicked on. Do not quote me on this though... Jappalang (talk) 14:19, 14 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Eh, I thought you had some way to obtain direct distances ("as the crow flies") from Google Maps, but it appears not. The problem with road distances is that they are subject to changes (and might be different in context with the way they are used in the article). Might I suggest citing to Rand McNally maps, taking measurements from them? Jappalang (talk) 00:52, 15 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I think there is a misunderstanding of what I suggested of Rand McNally maps. What I meant was to take direct measurements of the direct distances (epicenter to epicenter of the cities) on their paper-published maps, and use {{cite book}} or the like. Driving distances depend on the roads that might change every day (and as such, any information that depends on them has to declare the dates of the information). Apparently, Google Maps has a direct distance calculator as well.[1][2] Registration is required though (user option), although references to it might note that in the Format field ("Google Map user customisation"). Jappalang (talk) 13:14, 16 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Question: Stephens City, Virginia ( a FA) shows distances between two cities using geobytes.com. Would that be okay? VictorianMutant (talk) 21:24, 16 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Hmm... the site does provide distance "as the crow flies" (and gives a bearing). It is also a service provided by a company that depends on commercial products for survival. The City Distance Calculator is based on their Net World Map database, which they use for GeoWorldMap.[3][4] I would tend towards reliable as a "free" spinoff of a commercial product that has not much complaints and transparent in its workings... but I am a bit worried over whether they check if the user entries for their database are not simply jokes. Jappalang (talk) 22:35, 16 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
How about this calculator at indo.com? I'm not sure how reliable indo.com is, but it does have the advantage of giving the coordinates used for the two cities(so it could be verified) and the program used (along with the source code. VictorianMutant (talk) 00:48, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, I think according to http://www.indo.com/distance/distance-details.html, it should be reliable enough (data obtained from the USGS). Jappalang (talk) 01:09, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, changed all distance measurement sources (and a few actual distances) to indo.com. The only google map links left are non distance: (1) To ilustatrate triangle (but have primary source which says "Bartow/Lakeland/Winter Haven" triangle so not exactly necessary). (2) In transportation section I left google map link to Bartow map because it illustrates (0,0) point at intersection of Broadway/Main (google maps usually puts the "a" point of a city at the grid starting point in the US if a city has one.) VictorianMutant (talk) 02:39, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, I think all my issues were taken care of. In the scheme of things, I think the removal of sources of uncertain reliability was a very good step to take. I think the sources now used should pass any query at FAC without much issue. I do not really like the bulleted lists prominent in the later part of the article. I think one or two (scattered across the article) would be fine, but having three in one area makes the article looks like a list when one ventures to that region. This is just my opinion though (I am not really sure what to do with the content that is there either). I believe we have good content for the first half, but you might wish to seek opinions for the second before venturing to FAC. It should be a good bet for GA though. Jappalang (talk) 04:20, 17 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Niagara

  • I do not believe it's been stated anywhere when the community was founded or when it became a city.
Founded: sentence before cite 24, incorporated second paragraph, second sentence.
Okay, the incorporation needs to be mentioned in the History section as well (anything in the lead has to included in the body of the article). Putting the years into the infobox would be a good idea as well. ​​​​​​​​Niagara ​​Don't give up the ship 01:12, 16 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  Done Incorporation added to history section and infobox.
  • There are two photos of the Old Polk County Courthouse. Might I suggest replacing the second with the photo of city hall from the History section, instead of a repeat of the courthouse.
Perhaps I just like the second image too much (found it on flckr, smiled when I saw it was CC-generic, and decided I really liked it. Think it would be okay to move to the infobox(even though it is a night shot)? I do like the idea of moving the city hall picture to gov't section.
I like to search Flickr, as well, to see what I might find and be able to use. I think people might balk at the night photo (doesn't really illustrate the courthouse as well as the one in the infobox). ​​​​​​​​Niagara ​​Don't give up the ship 01:12, 16 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  Done
  • Which colored path corresponds to each hurricane on the map in the Climate section?
Great idea! Done.
Originally had that, but added comparative demograph box and the text was "squeezed." If you tell me the comparative box was too much or overkill then I can move back to the other box, otherwise I'm not sure how to have both.
I did think that it might be awkward to have a "Historical populations" box, too, so there is no reason to change back. I would say to change the title of table from "U.S. Census Population Estimates" to just "U.S. Census populatations", though (only 2009 is an estimate, the rest are considered definitive facts). ​​​​​​​​Niagara ​​Don't give up the ship 01:12, 16 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I don't believe you are supposed to specify the image thumbnail size, so as to allow it to default to a user's preferences.
You mean leave the pixel size out when it's a thumbnail? I'm still new to all this.
Yeah, if you leave out the width in pixel, you are able to go into Special:Preferences and change the default size. ​​​​​​​​Niagara ​​Don't give up the ship 01:12, 16 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  Done VictorianMutant (talk) 21:11, 16 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The material is in the article, but a good copyedit might make it easier to get through GA. ​​​​​​​​Niagara ​​Don't give up the ship 23:45, 15 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Some things stood out.

Bartow is a historical whose origin dates back over 150 years. - I think there is a noun missing.   Done
According to the U.S Census Bureau, - watch out for instances like this in the article, it should be U.S.   Done
The first paragraph (which is an indication of the rest of the article), has the word "Bartow" four times in four sentences. Try some variety so the reader doesn't see the same word so often.   Done
The first three paragraphs of "History" seem to be about the general history of Florida, and not the city in question. I think it should be trimmed a bit to whatever is vital to the history of the town.   Done restructured history section to make it more "Bartow-centric."
"In 1845 Florida became the 27th state and the time seemed right for the part of Florida south of Gainesville to grow." - the wording is very informal. "The time seemed right" is very out of place, and doesn't make sense. "seemed right" to whom? And again, it's about the broader Florida history, not the town's.   Done... gone with restructure of section.
"however cattlemen eventually moved out of the Tampa Bay area and into the area surrounding the Peace River anyway" - the anyway at the end is unnecessary.   Done changed.
"This proved to be one of the crucial event in the development..." - grammar...   Done... gone with restructure of section.
"The town was incorporated as a city in 1882, the railroad came to town in 1887, and the city would grow exponentially in the last two decades of the 19th Century." - for these such important events, I feel this sentence should be expanded, and not minimized into an afterthought. What happened to make it a city? Why did the railroad come to town? And was it the railroad that caused the city to grow exponentially? (and was it really exponential growth?)   Done Separated. More details of RR's. Removed exponentially and simply listed numbers.
"This school named Summerlin Institute (now Bartow High School) would become one of the most respected high schools in the south" - awkward wording. Try rewriting for better flow.   Done. Eliminated sentence.
The paragraph on the 2004 hurricanes seems out of place, especially since it's before a paragraph summarizing the growth during the 20th century. Nowhere else in "history" do you mention anything meteorological. I should add that - "The damage from the three storms, especially Charley, was extensive." - needs a source. It would be good for some specifics, if you want to keep the paragraph, by mentioning the number of houses damaged/destroyed.   Done... gone
"Bartow is located slightly southwest of both the geographical centers of Polk County and peninsular Florida.[35] and is approximately 39 miles (63 km) east of Tampa and 51 miles (82 km) southwest of Orlando." - is that fullstop after "peninsular Florida" intentional?
"Most soils in the Bartow area are sandy throughout;other soils have sandy surface layers and clay subsoils, and the eastern outskirts of town have a clay-rich floodplain through which the Peace River flows" - not sure what you were intending to do there, but there is something wrong with "throughout;"   Done
"Until 2004, the last storm to bring hurricane force winds to the Bartow area had been Hurricane Donna in 1960." - needs a source   Done
"The city budget is over $62 million" - in what year's USD?   Done
"Both Tampa International Airport(TPA) and Orlando International Airport(MCO) are within 60 miles driving distance from the center of Bartow" - two things. First, why the lack of spacing between "Airport" and (TPA) and (MCO)? And you should provide a metric equivalent to "60 miles".   Done
I also noticed a few times when you do "six miles (10 km). While generally numbers less than 10 should be written out, there should be consistency between imperial and metric units (as in, both should be number-based, not written out).   Done

Hurricanehink (talk) 17:10, 18 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ctjf83
  • Per WP:LEADCITE you should remove references, as all the other info should be presented in the body   Done
  • Is there a specific reason why it says "city of Bartow" in the opening sentence, is "city of" needed? Unless it is officially in the title, I don't think it is.   Done
  • "...and expanded quickly to become one of the larger cities in central Florida at the beginning of the 20th century" I don't really like the source being used to claim this, in no way doubting the accuracy, but if someone wanted to check it, they would have to compare it to other central Florida cities, which, unless you live in the area, would probably have no idea what cities are included in central Florida...If it was doing the GA review, it would in no way be a reason to not pass it, but if a more specific source can be found, that would be good.   Done... removed in restructured lead.
  • The lead needs a clean up/expansion. Per WP:LEAD it should summarize the article, and from my past FACs or PRs, it should have a note from every section, which it is currently missing most sections.   Done... think I covered most everything.
  • None of the images have alt text, which personally, I don't pass GACs without it anymore   Done
  • "arrival of the Spanish" is Spaniard the proper term or is Spanish ok? I'm not sure   Done sentence gone with restructure of history section.
  • "In 1845 Florida became the 27th state and the time seemed right for the part of Florida south of Gainesville to grow." Searching the reference I don't find the word "grow" or "Gainesville"...either way, is there a specific reason why the time seemed fright for southern Florida to grow?  Done sentence gone with restructure of history section.
  • Any reason why a few of the settlements in the history section are bolded?   Done
    • Reading on, I'm assuming those settlements were what Bartow was before the renaming, it needs to be clarified a bit. Also, if those are the former names of Bartow, they don't need to be bolded in the history section, only bolding in the lead.   Done
  • "This school named Summerlin Institute (now Bartow High School) would become one of the most respected high schools in the south." I would definitely not source it to the high schools website.   Done. Eliminated sentence.
  • "Bartow would become the hub of the largest phosphate industry in the United States." [citation needed]   Done
  • I think a good deal of expansion to the history section would be good. You have a lot of early history for Bartow, but then it kind of just dies off. In fact, the "history" section length is great, I would cut back on early history and expand on later history keeping the section length roughly the same, as more details are covered at History of Bartow, Florida   Done With restructure eliminated much early and added a lot more to "middle period" and a little to later history.
  • "both the geographical centers of Polk County and peninsular Florida" slight clarification, when reading it I paused to think if it meant the center of the state, or just the "peninsula part" (which I think the whole state is), like south of Marion County, Florida
  • "it is not unheard of to have a week or more of chilly weather." This needs to be reworded as chilly for you is far different than for me in Iowa   Done
  • Can you expand/clarify on where it says the mayor is elected every year? According to Type=B_DIR&SEC={8451C081-FF71-4DB5-A79C-4906C5E2D265}&DE={7BBAA72A-869B-4347-9CFD-E2FDAE10E464} the city site, he took office in 2008 and the term expires in 2011. Does the city site just not clarify that he wasn't mayor the whole time, and was just a commissioner for a few of the years?   Done
  • Is it possible to link ref 61/62 [5] to be more specific, or is it not possible because of the site?
    • Not possible, but I did include applicable precinct numbers (502-509) if someone wanted to challenge...
      • Ok, I like the precincts listed. CTJF83 chat 05:25, 20 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "All of Bartow's local representation in Tallahassee and Washington D.C...." Someone unfamiliar with Florida, or the US, might not know that Tallahassee is Florida's capital and DC is the US capital, can might be confused   Done
  • Is Bartow part of the bible belt? This map, although unsourced, shows Bartow (as best I can tell where it is) to be in the border area.
    • This thesis actually goes into detail about Polk County, and includes an excellent map on page 19 showing the counties in the US where Baptists are a plurarity (which by many people's reckoning, is where the Bible Belt is. VictorianMutant (talk) 18:41, 19 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the religion section is there any Bartow specific data on non-religious data, just for comparison sake?
    • I did attempt to find that data because IMO, that is very important. The problem I had is that the most recent and best source I used for religious data only lists "unassigned" which could be devout unaffiliated people as well as atheists/agnostics/nontheists. The census used to ask about religious affiliation, but that information is over 20 years old. VictorianMutant (talk) 18:41, 19 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • ref 91 (about blueberries) requires a log in, can you find a different reference?   Done...removed.
    • "$14 a pound is not an unusual price for Polk County blueberries" can you find a source for the "regular" price per pound for blueberries so a comparison can be made to $14 per lb   Done... see above.
  • dead link mentioning the 14th largest tv market here is the ref I use for Davenport   Done
  • Radio link not working either what I use   Done
  • I think it would look a little better if the "Parks and other recreational activities" section was in non-bulleted paragraph form
  • An addition of a sports section would be good. I assume they are Buccaneers and Rays fans? Are there any minor league sports teams?
    • The Detroit Tigers train in Lakeland, but no minor league teams in Bartow. College football is big, high school football perhaps bigger, but hard to find good cites which would meet WP:RELIABLE. At one point mentioned the high school football team which played the first high school game in Florida history(and there was a good source until the article went 404 on me...
      • Do you think there should be info about the major league teams? I don't have that problem on the Davenport articles, cause there are no pro teams in Iowa....plus we have local minor teams, which you don't...so not sure. CTJF83 chat 05:25, 20 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The L.B. Brown House is notable as perhaps the only house still standing in Florida built by a freedman" needs a source not published to the house's site   Done-added second source.
  • Any notable natives from Bartow? If not, perhaps a county wide expansion of top notable people would be ok.
    • There's a link at the bottom in the see also section to List of people from Bartow, Florida. When I first started editing the article, there was a long list, none cited- so I forked to a separate article (and have added sources to most). Not sure how to put into prose, so just left out of article and added link to list.
      • Must've missed that...the "see also" is good....or, if you want, I'll work out some prose for the people listed, and add a section. CTJF83 chat 05:25, 20 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Great job, just these (and the other above comments) and a GA should be good to go! If you need any more help on this, or any thing, please, don't hesitate to ask me! CTJF83 chat 03:49, 19 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Peer_review/Bartow,_Florida/archive1&oldid=1136449596"