Wikipedia:Peer review/B. V. Sreekantan/archive1

B. V. Sreekantan

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I propose this article for peer review as I feel the article has potential to be a good article or better.

Thanks, --jojo@nthony (talk) 07:40, 14 July 2015 (UTC)

Comments from RO

Lead

• is an Indian high energy astrophysicist

Shouldn't high-energy be hyphenated?

Done--jojo@nthony (talk) 16:39, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

• The Government of India awarded him the third highest Indian civilian honour of Padma Bhushan in 1988.[5]

You can remove "Indian" as it's quite clear what's meant.

Done--jojo@nthony (talk) 16:39, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

Early years

• Scan for missing commas; I'm seeing some run-ons.
• to develop the reading habit

This should read, "to develop a reading habit".

Done--jojo@nthony (talk) 16:39, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

• He did his schooling at the local high school in Nanjangud

This needs work. How about, "he attended ..."?

Rephrased--jojo@nthony (talk) 16:39, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

• specializing in Wireless

This needs some clarification, or at least a Wikilink.

Wikilinked--jojo@nthony (talk) 16:39, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

Career and legacy

• More issues with missing and/or misplaced commas.
• has a research station at Ooty which is equipped with and Extensive Air Shower array

The nonrestrictive clause that follows "Ooty" should be set off with a comma.

Done--jojo@nthony (talk) 16:39, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

• This research, later, developed into the Proton Decay experiments of the 1980s.

Remove "later" as superfluous.

Removed--jojo@nthony (talk) 16:39, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

• "His experiments served as the base of his doctoral thesis on the intensity and angular distribution of muons at different depths"

Why is this in italics? Is it the title of his dissertation? If so it ought to be in title case.

Title cased--jojo@nthony (talk) 16:39, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

• who helped him to develop Geiger Muller counters

Drop the split infinitive: "helped him develop".

Done--jojo@nthony (talk) 16:39, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

• He was also a member of the team experimented on the Grand Unification Theory to detect the decay of protons in deep environment in the 1970s

"a member of the team that experimented"

Done--jojo@nthony (talk) 16:39, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

• It was under the his directorship

Corrected--jojo@nthony (talk) 16:39, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

The article would benefit from a general proofreading for these types of issues.

• superannuation

Wikilink or explain for the casual reader.

Wikilinked--jojo@nthony (talk) 16:39, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

• The citations in the last paragraph of this section are a bit distracting. You are not required to bundle them, but it might be a good idea here.

Positions

• He was a member of the governing council of the institute from 1988 till 2007 of which 15 years from 1992

It's not clear to whom this pronoun refers.

Rephrased--jojo@nthony (talk) 16:39, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

• It was during this period, the institute set up the Himalayan Chandra Telescope

How about, "During this period, the institute set up the Himalayan Chandra Telescope"?

Rephrased--jojo@nthony (talk) 16:39, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

• The last paragraph of this section reads as a list. See if you can add some prose to transition through it, so it's not just a listing of his past positions.

Selected bibliography

• I think this would be better at the end of the article.

Done--jojo@nthony (talk) 16:39, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

Awards and honours

• This is also a little bit like a list. See if you can add some details to make it more prose-like.

Copy edited--jojo@nthony (talk) 16:39, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

Personal life

• If this is all you know about his personal life, see if you can incorporate this into the biography, since a two sentence section is discouraged.

Transferred to Biography section--jojo@nthony (talk) 16:39, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

Conclusion

It's a nice little article. The biggest issue with the prose is that parts are too much like a list versus prose. I also see lots of missing commas that will need to be added prior to promotion to GA. Nice job overall; keep up the great work! RO^(talk) 20:03, 13 August 2015 (UTC)

Further comments

Regarding this passage:

He secured his graduate degree in physics, with honours, in 1946 and completed his master's degree the following year, specializing in Wireless communication, from Mysore University.[7]

I find it confusing that he secured a graduate degree in 1946, but completed his master's the following year. Did he earn two graduate degrees during these years, because a master's is a graduate degree? RO^(talk) 17:33, 16 August 2015 (UTC)

His graduate degree was an honours degree and, as far my knowledge goes, many Indian universities allow honours graduates to appear for master's degree examination after one year of study.--jojo@nthony (talk) 17:51, 16 August 2015 (UTC)